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Today's Featured Article - Medieval Marginalia

Medieval Marginalia 9

In a world without the benefit of the internet it could take decades for cat memes to circulate throughout Europe while an email could take several months to deliver - a speed surpassed by AOL as long ago as 2014. So how could news be efficiently spread to an illiterate, turnip-obsessed public? The answer was to use illustrations to convey complex ideas. Chaucer himself records the latest treatise on hamster rearing arriving in Chichester and the peasantry pouring over its sage advice even while they coughed out their intestines during the Great Scratching Sickness of 1364.

Hygiene standards were low in the Medieval World, leading to endemic dysentery and a consequent chronic paper shortage. Scribes took the sensible decision to pass on their knowledge in the spaces alongside the script of a popular self-help book of the day, The Holy Bible. The superstitious psycho-babble of this frankly bizarre publication now seems as incomprehensible as it is dated, but the wisdom of the Medieval Marginalia often hidden in its darkest corners speaks to us down the ages. (more...)

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  • 75 BC - Julius Caesar assembles a small army to punish the prophet Mosey for ransoming him at too low a cost.
  • 10,000 BC - Alcohol invented in ireland
  • 20 - God invents Grues to punish Jews who prosecuted Jesus.
  • 879 - Vikings find the word "Viking" offensive. Change name to Berserkers.
  • 1832 - 604th day in a row of no news to report.
  • 1833 - Meteor shower destroys Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1936 - The great prophet Barry Foster is killed by an unplugged electric model tram whilst convening a Burns supper; he is subsequently devoured by his guests as part of the main course.
  • 1992 - 10am - A young Tony Blair meets a one eyed Scotsmen and falls in love.
  • 1992 - 1pm - Tony realizes he's a dick and begins an elaborate 14 year plan to screw him and the country over when he leaves.
  • 1999 - Britain's Millenium Dome is voted 'most useable structure' for the new millennium
  • 2002 - Some girl in Kentucky is raped after a terrible accident by a guy with a triple B; pregnancy ensues.
  • 2006 - You log on and view Uncyclopedia; millions die.
  • 2007 - Large dome shaped roof for sale,little used, one careless owner, offers invited.
  • 2009 - Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' head declared useless dome, sold at auction for $12.53 (US) (€ 9,000,402) for cookie fundraiser for new pool table.
  • 2017 - Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron loses landslide to newly formed Conehead Party. Liberal Democrats enter into Liberal Conehead coalition government.
  • 2017 about 2 minutes later - David Cameron and Nick Clegg announce that they will divorce, as Nick "has a new bloke, and he is a Conehead!", a teary Cameron said.
  • 2018 - Tony Blair and Gordon Brown announce that they will organize benefit conference for one eyed hot Scotsmen. Action heavily criticized by newly elected Conehead Party/Liberal Democrat coalition government.
  • 2020 - Nick Clegg spontaneously explodes during debate on debating debates. No one in coalition notices. Clegg named a master debater.
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