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Latest revision as of 10:12, October 29, 2011

Welcome to Uncyclopedia Americana,

31,384 articles in American

Constitution · Declaration of Independence · Liberty Bell · Bill of Rights · NATO · Support the US war effort

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USA Front Page Story

Today's Featured Article - Community

Meet-the-clangers

A community is a collection of humans, thought of as an undifferentiated unit. This means that individual differences of opinion can be denied, disparaged, or dealt with through unactionable campaign promises or Special Limited-Time Offers. Why one should think of humans as an undifferentiated unit is an open question. It works for a herd of grazing cows; they demonstrate all the typical traits of a community. By comparison, if the human world were a community, one would assume the victims of an opera-house massacre would not have scrambled to find the nearest exit.

To understand how a community works, we need to look at the Human Condition: "the characteristics, key events, and situations essential to human existence." Examples are: broadband speed, fashion, drama, perceived individuality and whether a smoker or non-smoker. The Human Condition is very broad (more so in American ballparks), and is pondered and analyzed from perspectives including philosophy, art, sociology, ethnic cleansers, and despots.

As a literary term, "the Human Condition" is typically used in the context of ambiguous subjects, such as what is the right hair color. Once the literature is bought by Hollywood, the Human Condition is subordinate to conditioner, and then hair color including metal-flaking. The Human Condition describes the moral compass heading that keeps the individual from being lost in a crowd professing to have the identical compass heading. A community is a social unit of any size that shares these common values, or at least pretends to in public. (more...)

Recently featured: Community

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Did y'all know...

*...that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

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America, the beautiful


On this day in America...

Atom

May 1: National Whoopy-Doo It's May Day / Piss your boss off day / Oy Oy Oy! Men Hot unz tsebrojn dem Tujes day in Israel.

  • Beginning of Time - May invented as 61 day long April deemed 'boring' and 'flabby.'
  • First ever May 1: Outdoor fucking starts.
  • 984 - Ethelred II, ever-unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag.
  • 1276 - Klingons unsuccessfully lick Norway's butt hole. An unknown number of them discover that yes, today WAS a good day to die.
  • 1707 - The Act of Union joins the Kingdom of England and Kingdom of Scotland to form the Kingdom of Great Britain. Afterwards, they both enjoy a cigarette.
  • 1881 - An atom is split in Czechoslovakia, and a week is spent trying to sew it back together.
  • 1886 - Several syndicalists are hanged in Haymarket, Chicago for taking the rest of the day off.
  • 1911 - People in some gay country dance around some gay pole.
  • 1930 - The dwarf planet Pluto is officially named. Disney sues.
  • 1931 - Frustrated by his ongoing lawsuit, Disney bites the penis off of a six-year-old Jewish boy.
  • 1953 - Mary Hackenblower of Orangeville, Maryland brings cupcakes to school on her birthday.
  • 1972 - A passenger plane crashes, killing all aboard, in the confusion stemming from having a May Pole put up in the Coach Cabin. The black box recording of their all-too-joyous cries of "May Day! May Day!" as the plane falls towards certain doom bring tears around the world when it is broadcast.
  • 1994 - Wile E. Coyote finally catches Road Runner. Coyote is grief-stricken, attempts suicide by falling off cliff and slowly plummeting ultimately striking ground in puff of smoke.
  • 2000 - Douglas Adams predicts the Y3K problem. All computers and networks employing ternary logic are presumed at risk.
  • 2001 - Hal and Dave finally make up their differences. Despite this, Hal still refuses to "open the pod bay doors" for Dave.
  • 2002 - Jimmy Kensington is found out to still wet his bed, even though he's a Third-Grader.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush is pinched and punched by Jeb Bush for it being the first day of the month. George ran away to his dad, George H. W. Bush, who proceeded to spank them both.
  • 2008 - What the fuck?
  • 2009 - Dom has two big tests, is getting moved up English classes to where the bullies are and is getting let out late of class.
  • 2011 - Bin Laden officially loses hide and seek.
  • 2012 - Dogs deemed 'unfit for purpose' by God inc. Replaced by alligators.
  • 2020 - A future predicting device is found, police rewarding $1,000,000 to the lucky person who finds the own...Ah shit!

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"Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus."

Image Credit: Some user
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Fair and balanced

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Springtime writing contest: Lemonade | Boaty McBoatface (pictured) | Clash of the Titans | Cesar Millan | Prince | White Knight | Ironman Triathlon | Travesty | Theseus | Richard Simmons | Trujillo, Peru | Throwball | WONE radio | Iquitos, Peru (from Inciclopedia) | Helmsley | Keighley | Skipton | Calais | Super-delegate | Winners of the 2016 Uncyclopedia Super Bowl: Shredded wheat | Malcolm Turnbull | Secret | Kodak | William Shatner | Atlantic Ocean | Jim Gilmore | Marco Rubio | Slovakia | Nudibranch | Hera | George Mason U.


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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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