Yesterday's Featured Article - H. P. Lovecraft
How the man known Howard Phillips Lovecraft came to have an Uncyclopedia entry written about him is a fact of whose blasphemous origins we shall never be privileged to know. That it is written at all is miracle enough, for we live on an infinitesimal and placid island of literacy, consoled by structured and educated ignorance, swallowed in the midst of the boundless black seas of inconceivable truths to which we owe our own existence, broiling with a slobbering idiocy that inhabits both timeless places and unknowable concepts far beyond those precious few possibilities that can be reached by our wildest and most broken of nightmares.
It was not meant that we should use a simple spellcheck to cover our own ineptitudes, and had it been known what foul ravings would creep onto our website under the cover of wretched darkness, we would have tried inexorably to keep constant vigilance in the form of a log, thus that or natural cravings for hidden knowledge could be be tickled by its unearthly reply. Harsh and unrelenting imprisonment in the ravaged husks of our own minds would have invariably been our fates, for all of time, both having passed and yet to come.
The great unwashed, each mashing their keyboards in the darkness of their parents' basements, have hitherto harmed us little in our blissful ignorance; but perhaps their random effusions have now conspired to allow an article of whose utter, mind-destroying idiocy, deep seated as it is in unfathomable and yet undeniable truths, will send us screaming to our nearest Webster's Dictionary, seeking structured and reasoned solace from the coming storm of inescapable realizations now sneaking their vile repercussions into the deepest regions of our very souls; a cacophony of unrequited sorrows writhing in the filth of untold woes, beating our thoughts into willing and unquestioning submission to a boundless madness. (more...)