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31,377 articles in American

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USA Front Page Story

Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: H. P. Lovecraft

Yesterday's Featured Article - H. P. Lovecraft

HP Lovecraft

How the man known Howard Phillips Lovecraft came to have an Uncyclopedia entry written about him is a fact of whose blasphemous origins we shall never be privileged to know. That it is written at all is miracle enough, for we live on an infinitesimal and placid island of literacy, consoled by structured and educated ignorance, swallowed in the midst of the boundless black seas of inconceivable truths to which we owe our own existence, broiling with a slobbering idiocy that inhabits both timeless places and unknowable concepts far beyond those precious few possibilities that can be reached by our wildest and most broken of nightmares.

It was not meant that we should use a simple spellcheck to cover our own ineptitudes, and had it been known what foul ravings would creep onto our website under the cover of wretched darkness, we would have tried inexorably to keep constant vigilance in the form of a log, thus that or natural cravings for hidden knowledge could be be tickled by its unearthly reply. Harsh and unrelenting imprisonment in the ravaged husks of our own minds would have invariably been our fates, for all of time, both having passed and yet to come.

The great unwashed, each mashing their keyboards in the darkness of their parents' basements, have hitherto harmed us little in our blissful ignorance; but perhaps their random effusions have now conspired to allow an article of whose utter, mind-destroying idiocy, deep seated as it is in unfathomable and yet undeniable truths, will send us screaming to our nearest Webster's Dictionary, seeking structured and reasoned solace from the coming storm of inescapable realizations now sneaking their vile repercussions into the deepest regions of our very souls; a cacophony of unrequited sorrows writhing in the filth of untold woes, beating our thoughts into willing and unquestioning submission to a boundless madness. (more...)

Did y'all know...

*...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

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America, the beautiful


On this day in America...

April 28: Amateur Internet Porn Day

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DogLabels

By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed.

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Fair and balanced

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Cesar Millan | Prince | White Knight | Ironman Triathlon (pictured) | Travesty | Theseus | Richard Simmons | Trujillo, Peru | Throwball | WONE radio | Iquitos, Peru (from Inciclopedia) | Helmsley | Keighley | Skipton | Calais | Super-delegate | Winners of the 2016 Uncyclopedia Super Bowl: Shredded wheat | Malcolm Turnbull | Secret | Kodak | William Shatner | Atlantic Ocean | Jim Gilmore | Marco Rubio | Slovakia | Nudibranch | Hera | George Mason U. | HowTo:Survive a terrorist attack | Pornography (rw) | Mesopotamia (rw)


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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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