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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Hayden Christensen

Yesterday's Featured Article - Hayden Christensen

HaydenChrist2017

Hayden A. Christensen (born April 19, 1981) is a Canadian prettyboy actor. He is best known for playing Anakin "Mannequin" Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels, as well as being in some other movies like Life as a House, Shattered Glass, and Jumper which nobody really knows much about, though his acting is supposedly better in those movies.

Christensen was the illegitimate child of Star Wars creator George Lucas and Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher from during their brief fling, and actually had a cameo as the slight bulge on Fisher's gut during her bikini scene in Return of the Jedi, filmed in 1980. He was given up for adoption to a kindly Canadian couple, being the youngest of their four children. His adoptive older sister, Hejsa, is a former trampoline champion and got into a Pringles commercial, while his adoptive aunt, supermodel Helena Christensen, was recently voted Denmark's most beautiful lefty. Hayden's middle name, "Amanda", was chosen because his adoptive parents wanted another girl so bad, so when they didn't, they compromised their adoptive son's name to fill the void. Whenever he signs his name "Hayden A. Christensen", he tells people the "A." is just a letter he put there because he has no middle name.

Christensen was raised in Thornhill, Ontario outside Toronto and attended Baythorn Public School as a child. In 1985, a four-year-old Hayden played a bit part in his preschool's Thanksgiving play. Angry that he was not given the role of Squanto, little Hayden emphatically shouted his one line, "Pass the stuffing", before breaking down in dramatic tears. It was his "wear your emotions on your sleeve" style which attracted him to the masses. (more...)

Did y'all know...

*...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

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Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece

On this day in America...

Random consonants

December 16: Random Consonants Celebration Day

  • 785 - The Knights of the Round Tablet go in search of the Holy Grail. They fail to exit the bottle, which is child-proofed.
  • 1985 - South Africa ends its fan on interracial marriages. An air conditioner replaces it.
  • 1985 - United Airlines Pilots go on trike for 29 days. Most are medically retired aftwards with back and leg injuries.
  • 1986 - The fictional events in the unsuccessful video game Grand Theft Auto: Nice City take place.
  • 1986 - The Soviet Union launches the Bir space station. Vodka manufacturers complain.
  • 1986 - In Ukraine, one of the reactors at the Chernobyl unclear plant explodes. The reason for the explosion is not clear.
  • 1986 - Nintendo releases The Legend of Welda. Oxy-acetyline equipment subsequently doubles in price.
  • 1988 - Queen Elizabeth strips jockey Lester Piggott of his OME. With nowhere to live, Piggot goes to the media to ask for 'elp.
  • 1988 - Antonio Gomes dos Santos stands lotionless in a Lisbon, Portugal shopping center for 15 hours, 2 minutes and 55 seconds. Eventually he goes to another shop and buys some skin creme.
  • 1988 - Philip Morris bugs Kraft Foods for US$13.1 billion. Kraft tells them to get lost.
  • 1990 - British gameshow Countdown launches Random Consonants Celebration Day.
  • 1991 - The first sliced pan was invented, leading to the downfall of all humanity.
  • 1992 - All Humanity bounces back with new album.
  • 1996 - Big Bird develops cancer while on the set. Hunters everywhere cry.
  • 1998 - Big Bird passes away in peace. Three attend funeral, and there was a lovely barbeque reception afterward. All future episodes of Sesame Street© are safe, because they were all filmed in 1957.
  • 2005 - Saddamn Hussaign is accused repeatedly of passing gas while in court. After each accusation he shouts back random profanities and makes several insults about the judge's family, his mother in particular.
  • 2045 - The Germans are appreciated for the first time in 100 years for inventing the word 'Schifffahrt' meaning boat cruise.

George Eastman's featured picture

Pigletmugshot

...the Hundred Acre Wood-wide police crackdown netted Piglet, shown here in his mugshot after being charged with vagrancy, operating a wheelbarrow while intoxicated, hunting woozles without a licence, smuggling of unpasteurized honey across state lines...

Image Credit: Modusoperandi
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Fair and balanced

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Objectivism | Batman: The Fanfiction | Harley Quinn | Robert Rodriguez (r/w) | Star Wars: The Force Awakens | Gene Simmons (r/w) | Rush (r/w) | KISS (r/w) | The Simpsons (r/w) | Osmosis Jones (r/w) | Richard Spencer | Hayden Christensen (r/w; pictured) | Ipswich, Queensland (r/w) | Shrek (r/w) | Robots (film) (light r/w) | Keeping Up With the Kattarshians | The Beast of Yucca Flats (r/w) | Democrat Party (r/w) | Teen Titans (r/w) | Deathstroke (r/w) | University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus (light r/w) | Who Framed Roger Rabbit (r/w) | Missouri (r/w) | Starfire | Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (r/w) | My Life as a Teenage Robot | The Police | Triumph (motorcycle) | The Magic School Bus (r/w) | Steve Harvey |


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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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