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Today's Featured Article - Super-delegate

MP JFK

A Super-delegate, in the American political system, is a delegate, especially to a national Presidential nominating convention, who is endowed with super-powers. Although both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party like to go through the motions of soliciting voter input on who should be the Party's Presidential candidate, actual voters are, to put it mildly, morons. Frequently, the Party must contrive to both thank them for their valued contribution and hit the figurative Revert button.

The hoi polloi tirelessly coalesce around a candidate with inspiring new ideas, be it Bernie Sanders with his untested concept of socialism, or Ron Paul with his assertions that American tourism caused the Middle East to erupt until Jews had to dynamite the World Trade Center during the September 11 attacks. When such candidates gain traction, insiders (the "party-archy") need to turn away from the hoi polloi, consult with other polloi, and pick a candidate who is more electable, electability judged by persons who cannot persuade anyone of any actual idea. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

June 28: Adamand Eve in Nairobi & Iceland, Obliviousness Awareness Day in Chad

  • 1493 - Unimpressed by Columbus' attempt to reach the Far East by sailing west, navigator Ernesto de Borgnine attempts to reach the Americas by sailing East. His ship crashes into the Cadiz docks thirty seconds into his journey.
  • 1572 - The day the music died.
  • 1573 - The day the music was resurrected as a zombie.
  • 1619 - Nostradamus predicts that everyone will die someday, including the music.
  • 1745 - Sharon Stone begins her first retirement at the age of 57.
  • 1851 - Franco-Pakistani War ends in a draw after a sudden death match.
  • 1914 - Driver takes a wrong turn in Sarajevo and runs over Franz Ferdinand in the process. World War One finds an excuse to start.
  • 1922 - The bloody war between Chile and France ends abruptly when both countries realize that they don't have common borders to fight over.
  • 1945 - Everyone too tired from the end of the war to do anything at all.
  • 1947 - Obliviousness Awareness Day declared in Chad.
  • 1973 - Scholars discover the first gay couple, Adam and Steve, in Israel. In other news, it's the god damn doodly best day ever because Maddox visited Chicago.
  • 1980 - Earthquake in the Chinese village of Bu-Chu-Fu, millions die.
  • 2009 - One of our greatest Billy Mays passes on to infomercial heaven. You can get Billy Mays and for a limited time only, his charisma for not one or two but three eternities!

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Word of the day

[[ procrastination]]
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month

David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.


Noobaward

If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs.


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