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Today's Featured Article - Tony the Tiger

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Antonio Di Tigretta (born February 6, 1930), more commonly known as Tony the Tiger is the Italian-American furry spokesperson and mascot of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereal (or Frosties, as they are known in frostier, rainier sections of the world). He first appeared as a spokesperson for Kellogg's in 1952, and despite the 65-year period in which Tony should have aged since then, he surprisingly looks no different to this day. It is believed this miracle in aging-prevention is due to the abnormal levels of sugar and e-numbers in Frosted Flakes.

As well as his work for Kellogg’s, Tony was trained as a linguist and was a talented wordsmith, famed for his essays and works about the political and social turmoil of the world (see We're Grrrreat, volumes I, II, III, and IV, a series of books concerned with the rise and fall of fascism in Italy in a broader social, political, and economic context). He was also known and honored for his charity work, appearing frequently on television in the tear-jerking Frosties Kid commercials, appealing for the improvement in the health and welfare of Frosties Kids everywhere.

Tony was reared in captivity at an unknown location, meaning the details of his infancy and childhood are sketchy. However, at some point in his upbringing, his carers managed to train him to speak English, a fact that has confounded scientists for many decades (Tony the Tiger...)

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January 25: Januarymas - Happy Januarymas everyone!, Winter-een-mas begins

  • 1754 - Oscar Wilde's first stupid idea.
  • 1759 - Robert Burns decides to celebrate Januarymas. Thousands of Scotch get drunk off product of same name.
  • 1994 - Last airplane crash caused by Oscar Wilde.
  • 1990 - Magic Leprechaun starts accumulating knowledge.
  • 1992 - Steve Ballmer begins his wrath upon all.
  • 2005 - Carson Daly beats the crap out of Dick Clark in the middle of Times Square. ABC, frantic, quickly replaces Clark with noted gaydar Ryan Seacrest, and Ryan Seacrest's "Dick Clark's January's Rockin' Mas" is a modest hit with target audiences. No word on Brian Dunkleman, though.
  • 2008 - Ryan Seacrest finally comes out of his closet after 2 years of looking for that stylish Versace waistcoat.
  • 2015 -The Canadians attack the newly established Baby Seal military base just outside Toronto.
  • 2101 - "For græt justice!" becomes a catch phrase.
  • 2103 - It is discovered that Heath ledger faked his death and went to live with elvis presley, he dies for real today.

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David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.


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