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Today's Featured Article - Bureaucracy

Irelandbureau

Bureaucracy "No rest for the wicked," they say. Today had been the worst day of my life: my girlfriend had killed herself and stipulated in her suicide note that she was my long lost sister, with a PS that I should get tested for AIDS. Then I had gone to the clinic to get tested, and though I had come up negative, the doctor told me that they had accidentally used a dirty needle to take the blood sample, giving me a promotional brochure featuring many different medications that I would promptly have the privilege of choosing to fit my lifestyle.

Going for the Poo Lit Surprise Best Image with this one. In the shade of her voluminous pirate hat, the receptionist glared at me like just one of the many other personal insults that she had to put up with daily. "Hi," I began. "Uh, the vending machine swallowed my coin."

"Arr, it does that."

"Can you refund me please?"

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."

"What? 13th floor? Can't you just give me the money?"

"ARR, do ye be wanting to mess with this shit‽" she said with a threatening interrobang, narrowing her non-patched eye.

I backed off a step. "I didn't mean any offense, ma'am."

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."(more...)

Recently featured: Bureaucracy

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Special Offerts!!

August 16: Kansai Day (Japan)

Dotonbori
  • 70,000,000 B.C. - First Gozan Okuribi festival (meaning "bloody great flaming kanji") held in Kyoto.
  • 40,000 B.C. - Takoyaki invented.
  • 1950 - Kyoto, Osaka and Kobe form the Keihanshin conglomerate after being liberated from their evil oppressors.
  • 1973 - Kansai officially enters the Kaiju League of Japan with two contestants (Entei and Glico Man)
  • 1984 - Governor of Tokyo makes stealth attacks on Kansai under the alias The Monster with 21 Faces.
  • 2007 - Osaka scientists find out how to make a robot that solves a Rubik's Cube. World breathes sigh of relief.
  • 2200 - Kansai secedes from the rest of Japan. Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu shortly follow. This leads to the Tozaikan War.
  • 2207 - Kansai wins the Tozaikan War by planting proximity takoyaki around Tokyo. Kanto surrenders on November 1 of the same year.
  • 3000 - Osaka declared capital of the world.

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From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?


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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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