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Mrs God’s blog is republished from Facebook with permission of the author.

May 20th, 2009

Hiiiii!

Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…

First of all, let me reassure everyone – “God is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!

It IS true that He picked up a bit of a coke habit – and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into Rehab – He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery. (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

Name: George W. Peterson
Location: Chilly Parts of Scotland
Bio: Newspaper editor ("The Kinrossie Times"), happily married to not only Sarah, but also to gardening.

Following 294

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Saturday May 3rd

Went for my fifth "Cabbage Check-Up" a few minutes ago. Sarah thinks I'm mad, but I don't want to miss anything, now do I?

13:35pm May 3rd from web

Have got to start preparing for new arrival!

14:21pm May 3rd from web

Sarah has just brought home the new cat, and she's settling in. She's eight weeks old, ginger, and incredibly excitable. I think she has OCD. Any ideas for names?

16:09pm May 3rd from web

Sarah has put today's newspaper in the litter tray. Now how am I supposed to find out the news?

16:23pm May 3rd from web

Just remembered I have the Internet! Who needs newspapers anyway!?

16:25pm May 3rd from web (more...)

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• 1796 - Carl Friedrich Gauss discovers that every positive integer is representable as a sum of at most three triangular numbers, yet he remains steadfastly confounded by other number-shapes such as the octagonal numbers and the irritating square pi.
• 1821 - The United States takes possesion of its newly bought territoy of Florida from Spain. The state instantly becomes recognized for its oranges, old people, hurricanes, and other steroetypes, except for Disney World which was not constructed until 1875.
• 1938 - Diabolical billionaire Howard Hughes sets a new record by completing a 91 hour flight around the world in just 87 hours.
• 2005 - Microsoft decides to remove the "Undo" button from all its programs, "for customer convenience".
• 2006 - Realizing their mistake in the previous year, Microsoft try to fix the problem, yet are unable to Undo the mistake due to the lack of a button enabling this process.
• 2007 - On the anniversary of its acquisition by the United States, Florida is flooded while ironically leaving Sea World above water.

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Stirling 1297. As the clans gathered to chase away the English hordes, spirits were low and the grim Scotsmen scanned the seemingly never ending English battlement lines. "So Connor" said of the clans chiefs "Tonight we go to the great distillery in the sky?". "Aye Duncan, I don't see what other option we have. What with that wanker William Wallace and his lackeys. Look how pale the lad is! I hope they have some good Scottish single malts up there, not that pansy blend the Irish drink". ...And suddenly, a single horn blurted out its war song, one which suspiciously resembled the yet-to-be-written tune of YMCA. A brilliant figure appears on top of the cliff, its hair marvelously done, its kilt colorful and freshly pressed, its great sword adorned with flowers. The figure lifted the sword above its head with a seductive wave and all the clansmen cheered in a surprisingly harmonious contralto. "Connor, who in the name of Mrs. McCormick's haggis is that?" "That, Duncan, is Sir Orian Mc57, lord of the merry clans of the North, and the most fearsome warrior of the highlands. Our victory is now assured!" "Oi, Brian, look here. That must be the King of the Scots" whispered one of the English lords. "How do you reckon?" "Because he hasn't got shit all over him".

Welcome! Welcome sirs to our haunted house! We're pleased to start this open day to introduce you to the never ending possibilities in owning such a house. Let me introduce you to some of our residents. The stove lights by its own on undetermined intervals. It tends to burn your food every now and then, but its a great party trick. Oh! Oh! and the shower! The shower! It's alternating between bitter cold and hellishly warm! You can show off your alternating heat/cold burns! No? Hmmm. Oh! Oh! in the bedroom you keep hearing wails of anguish in Albanian! No? The phone keeps ringing collect to Transylvania? The piano keeps playing Richard Clayderman day and night? The TV plays season three of "are you being served?" constantly? Oh! Oh! The staircase! the staircase! He's writing high quality literature! That must worth something! No? Please don't go! I'll play some Clayderman for you!

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