Babel:Simple

Today's show my men (THEY ARE UGLY DONT LOOK!!!!)

Today's featured article

New England is the term colloquially used to refer to the Northeast section of the United States. It typically consists of six states: Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and The Southern Half of Maine. Canada can have Northern Maine back; we really don't want it. Also, don't let the New Yorkers trick you into thinking they're part of New England, too. This is our club, and they're not invited, so nyah. This region has had a long and colorful history. And I know what you're thinking: "Long and colorful!? No way!" But it's true. (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

This is the house I grew up in. Don't let first impressions fool you. On the inside it was really quite nice. It had a nice backyard, too. I got to mow it.
When I was tiny, I had a room to match. Stretch your arms out. That's how wide the room was. It was twice that in length. I should note, however, that I was much smaller at the time.
When I was a bit larger, my parents had the house raised, turning the crawlspace into a bottom floor. That's when I moved in to the big bedroom on the top floor. In honour of my move to a larger room, my dad painted it. He ran out of paint, meaning that for a most of a decade I lived in a room with a white ceiling, one white wall and three blue walls. It was the decorating equivalent of breaking the fourth wall. Then he repainted it. He ran out of paint. Again. My father: nice man, terrible estimator.
When I was larger still, my parents (whose bedroom was the bottom-left room in the picture) switched rooms with me. I didn't have a choice in the matter. I'm guessing that they did it so that I could sneak out and do the things that teenagers are wont to do. I did. Dungeons & Dragons, baby! Woo!. (more...)

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More favoriteist things from show and tell

What happend lorng ago today

July 2: Canada Day (Canada) (if July 1 falls on a Sunday (which it didn't)), Confusing Parentheses Day

• 1566 - French astrologer Nostradamus dies. Didn't see that one coming, did ya Nostradamus?
• 1698 - Thomsas Savery patents the first steam engine, designed to mechanically move a horse's legs so as to reduce the amount of effort required to pull a horse-drawn buggy.
• 1882 - Oscar Wilde reaches the height of his celebrity, arriving to the premiere of his play The Importance of Being Earnest in a luxury stretch horsebuggy.
• 1947 - A weather balloon crashes in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico. The Army covers up the loss of the weather balloon by claiming it was an alien spaceship.
• 1962 - The first Wal-Mart opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas. The primitive version of the store offers only guns, confederate flags, and bullets.
• 1996 - Aliens attack the world, destroying New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., everywhere else. Bill Pullman, Will Smith survive.

What happend long ago other days

Things that the nice man on the tellyvision box next to the pretty lady are telling you (betwen advertizements)

• Conspiracy: Michael Jackson not dead, M.J. Phone Home

• Grim Reaper commits suicide after massive week of celebrity deaths (pictured)

• Some old guy died, or something (ask your parents)

• Michael Jackson dies! Also Farrah Fawcett

• Obama Unveils Ambitious New Tit Access Package.

• McMahon fires Trump, dies.

• Glastonbury Festival Survival Tactics

• UnNews exclusive!! The God Interview

• U.N. recognizes WalMart

• Dick Dastardly to Join Formula 1

• UnNews:Obama swats a fly, causing the death of future maggot

• Farmers in despair as their cattle evolve

• The Revolution betrayed!

• Expenses fiddling MP's to be labelled

• Mrs. DeWinter's first name discovered

What things are happening

Did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's mommies and daddies:

• ...anything?
• ...how to ngising and ngloco?
• ...your name (it's 'Bagus)?
• ...that this website are nggateli and mangkelno read?
• ...that cheese be cool, yah?

find out more

Some things that have been recently got written

UnScripts:A Vignette From Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater | UnScripts:Trapped at Sea | UnBooks:Alibaba And The Forty Bikers | Why?:The Long Face? | Emo rap | Refugee Camp | LazyTown (rw) | Consumer Reports | Left 4 Dead (rw) | Call from Grandma | Bland Gift Manual, Prison City | Wild Bill Hickok | UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth | UnScripts:Heartbeat 2012 | Alternative Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous | Writing (rw) | High school: an essay by an old lonely man in a retirement home‎ | Surgeon General's Warning | UnTunes:I Will Possess Your Log | Aunt Ginny’s Saturday afternoon lunch at Bob Evans | Antbortion (rw) | Forest Whitaker's Lazy Eye | UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick | Why?:You shouldn't take acid before riding a bicycle | UnBooks:Duty

Happy new Years! | christmas list | they Can't be read, don't feal bad | So little it could be a chia pet | mAKE fRIENDS WITH tHESE

Monkey of the Month

Good morning congregation! whispers the Rabbi into the mike. Today we shall talk about moses and the lesson we learn from him and... shouts of Speak up! We can't hear you! and Not Moses again! continuously disturb his muttered speech. The Rabbi stands on the podium ashamed, his face ashen. When suddenly a slow smile appear on his worried face. With a fell swoop he drops his yamuka and place a pair of huge earphones on his head and with a flick of a finger the lights in the synagogue dim into a night club standard. A turntable appears from nowhere and the first sounds of hava nagila (techno version) start to hammer the surprised audience. OK now my fellow Jews whispers the Rabbi with a mamzerical smile Let's dance instead.

Midnight in a small Midwest town, all is quiet but the sound of clicking and ticking. What is that you say? Mice? Mosquitos? Aliens come to abduct us all? Oh no. No no no. It's Clemens again. Sitting by his computer, a fedora in a snobby angle on his head and a butt of Gauloises in his mouth, sweat drippping from his face. Must...write...another...article...wrote... only...353459...of...them...in...my...first...month...here... And indeed as we step away from his bedroom door, quietly getting out of the house before his mother catches us and call the cops, we can only admit that yes, Clemens writes good stuff. And yes. he writes much more than we do. And yes, he makes us all look bad. The bastard.

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