Babel:Simple

Today's show my men

Today's featured article

[A dark tunnel. A light. You reach. You reach the light. Time. Space. Meaningless. You have entered... the 1970s.]

[You come to on a seedy street in Bay City. You admire your large afro in a puddle on the ground. You find a newspaper in a nearby trash can. The date? November 3rd, 1976. This is the last time you put a toaster in the microwave, you think. Time machines just ain't right. You examine the newspaper closer. A headline screams: 'COPS STARSKY AND HUTCH FOIL INTERNATIONAL HAIRSPRAY SMUGGLING RING'. Who are these two people? You think you're here to stay. May as well make the most of it, and find out just who this Starsky and Hitch are. Funky music plays as an African American man dressed in funky clothes approaches you.]

HUGGY BEAR: Yo, honky. You lookin' for trouble? Oh, I see. Well that kind of information don't come for nothin'.

[You slip him a twenty]

HUGGY BEAR: Well now, that's more like. My name is Huggy Bear and this here is Bay City. You're probably wondering what that's got to do with Starsky and Hutch. Well, fella, this here Bay City is where our two favourite cops hail from, and I just happen to be their favourite ear on the street. Know what I'm saying? And they should be here any minute. Wait, I think I hear 'em.

[A really funky looking red Torino with a white stripe down the side crashes through some cardboard boxes and heads straight for you! Luckily, the driver slams on the handbrake in time, swinging the car sideways, stopping inches from you.] (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was the 16th President of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865. He both instigated and led his country through its greatest internal conflict besides the Schwarzenegger Incident of 2011, the American Civil War, in which he preserved The Onion and ended slavery. Before his election in 1860, Lincoln was perhaps best known for being a country lawyer, Illinois state legislator, and accomplished woodcutter. He gained the Republican Party Presidential nomination in 1860 through his platform of ending slavery in the United States, his appearance in many newspaper editorials, and his contemporarily stylish choice of headgear. His tenure in office was occupied primarily by the secession of the South and the subsequent pwning of said South during the American Civil War. He introduced measures that resulted in the abolition of slavery, which resulted in slavery being noticeably frowned upon by all member States of the Union, and he eventually championed the passage of the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. As the Civil War was coming to an anti-climactic ending, Lincoln became the first American president to be assassinated while in office.

Lincoln closely supervised the victorious U.S. Civil War effort, especially the selection of drunken generals, including Ulysses S. Grant, who were only slightly more of a danger to their own troops than their enemy. Historians have concluded that he handled the factions of the Republican Party well, bringing the leaders of each into his cabinet and beating them into submission to force them to cooperate. Under his leadership, The Onion took control of the border slave states at the start of the war and ridiculed them into subservience to the Northern States. Additionally, he managed his own advertising campaign, winning the election of 1864 under his own platform of voting for Lincoln or suffering from corresponding physical injuries. (more...)

You can put your mark for your most favoriteist things to be taken to show and tell. Meh......brain. In pain. Hehe. That rhymes.

More favoriteist things from show and tell

What happend lorng ago today

November 16: Feast of Saint Bukkake (Japan)

• 600 BC- Inca Warriors land in Spain, and end up converting Spain to a Christian country
• 1776 - American Revolutionary War: Hessian mercenaries capture Fort Washington from the Patriots. Startled revolutionaries say, "what the fuck is a Hessian"?
• 1904 - John Ambrose Fleming invents the Vacuum Tube. The vacuum tube makes possible electronics and early computers, and it is therefore considered a major advance over the Tube Full of Air.
• 1915 - Albert Einstein solves the problem of Uncyclopedia's many inconsistencies and contradictions, which scientists had been trying to solve for centuries. His theory states that in fact space-time is inconsistent, and Uncyclopedia simply follows a geodesic line through it.
• 1920 - Qantas, the national airline of Australia is registered as an air carrier. The first Qantas airliners are Douglas DC-3s equipped with a pouch on the underside to carry passengers.
• 1960 - Clark Gable passes away. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
• 2001 Elmo (pictured) goes on a killing spree, attacking and consuming 4923 children attending a Sesame Street convention.
• 2002 - The First Kandahar International Film Festival is held. All filmmakers in attendance are hanged afterwards as Heathens.
• 2005 - The 100th anniversary celebration of the Feast of Saint Bukkake was cancelled after the star of the feast declared "I'm full"!
• 2006 - Paris Hilton... Bukkake... Ah... this is just too easy

What happend long ago other days

Things that the nice man on the tellyvision box next to the pretty lady are telling you (betwen advertizements)

• A vampire version of Gone with the Wind announced by struggling Weinstein Company (Pictured)
• Former Primate of Utrecht Thomas Gibbon resigns in disgrace

• Pope appoints first non-human Primate

• President Obama declares emergency after Steven Tyler starts trend of important rock musicians leaving their respective groups

• New iPhone to offer 'Audio Chat' facility.

• H1N1 PANDEMIC OVERBLOWN BY MEDIA

• Fudge disaster could have been prevented

• Two idiots fall out of the sky in North Carolina

• Chupacabras only natural enemy; The Greater Crested Raptor-footed Wallaphant

• Aussies hold offshore party.

• Local ghost beginning to feel unwelcome.

• Americans in good spirits, Iranians pissed

• Parents soon will have no recourse to the old Native American threat.

• Metallica music proves to be "torture", musicians to sue over copyright infringement.

• USA successfully invades Poland.

• New York City, Sold! at auction, a devastating blow to those who believe in democracy.

What things are happening

Did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's mommies and daddies:

• ...anything?
• ...how to ngising and ngloco?
• ...your name (it's 'Bagus)?
• ...that this website are nggateli and mangkelno read?
• ...that cheese be cool, yah?

find out more

Some things that have been recently got written

Albert Pike | Stephen Hawkings | Michael Holding | Unfomercials:Bulimic Barbee | UnTweets:Osama Bin Laden | Classical Satire | UnTunes:Confessions of a Telemarketer | UnBooks: My unusual relationship with a volley ball by the name of Wilson | UnBooks:Insipid Sentimental Women's Novel | MonsterQuest | HowTo:Be a Good Catholic | Kingdom of the Two Sicilies | Worst Batsman Ever | Gridiron football | Shit A Shitter Paradox | UnBooks:Gone Fishing | The Prisoner (US Remake) | Topaz (rw) | UnTunes:Ur So Phat and you don't even like food | Hugo Boss | UnTunes:The Online Stalker | UnBooks:Winnie The Shit | Julius Malema | HowTo: make a metal song | UnTunes:Goodbye facebook screen (Social Networking the wind)

Happy new Years! | christmas list | they Can't be read, don't feal bad | So little it could be a chia pet | mAKE fRIENDS WITH tHESE

Monkey of the Month

This month's writer of the month: an exquisite personality, unnatural writing abilities, fully fitted with Australian accent and a keg of Foster's. Only a couple of months ago, he was standing on a simple transistor, peeing nervously, as noob of the month. And now, Uncyclopedia is proud to present: the new and improved version of PuppyOnTheRadio: Puppy on a Flying Saucer!. Complete with 12 green aliens entourage, warp drive and anal probe! Fitted with infinite supply of snappy answers and Vegemite! His saucer's loud speakers blurting out Midnight Oil 24 by 7! Determined, in his five-year mission to explore strange new orifices, to seek out new humor and new articalations; to boldly go where no mate has gone before!

Hello? Is this thing on? Oh. Yes. Nice to meet you. My name is BlueSpirit van der Merguy and I work for MNU. But you can call me the sweetie man. I've come to serve an eviction note to the Prawns of Uncyclopedia. You see, we've received notice that you are holding illegal piles of cat food and stale humor in your house. What is that you say? You have 25,000 articles under your shack? This whole's thing's under your shack? For 20 years, you've had this fookin' thing hidden out here? This is, this is very illegal, I mean, this is... this is a find. What's that? A new joke? *fiddles with silver canister* Well, huh, this has got the markings of - so it's definitely Uncyclopedian but it's uh, not a weapon... but I don't trust it, ya know, I don't trust any-a the...*Canister sprays stale jokes in BluSpirit's face* ARGGHH!!! *gurgle gurgle spit* Foking Bliksem!

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners