Today's Featured Article - Trellech
Trellech is a small dystopian Welsh Village community based atop a very big hill on the border between Wales and England. Due to its less than unique location of being atop a very big hill, it is know to locals as 'Top of the Hill'. Trellech has often been referred to the real life 'Royson Vasey' of the UK due to its unique weirdness and was the inspiration for the dysfunctional fictional village of Royson Vasey that featured in the BBC comedy series the League of Gentlemen.
Trellech sits just 2 miles within the Welsh border in the ancient county of Monmouthshire in South East Wales. Historically, there have been lengthy campaigns between the English and the Welsh over who should lay claim to Monmouthshire, with the English insisting it should be in Wales and the Welsh insisting it should be in England. Eventually in 1974, after an unlucky throw of the dice in the county council chambers, Monmouthshire was determined to be in Wales, much to the disgust and annoyance of the council. Monmouthshire is to be considered a foster child of a county, currently in the care of the Welsh due to it having a troubled upbringing and absent geographical parents.
To the North of Trellech lies the town of Monmouth, known locally as 'Mon' and to the South, the town of Chepstow, known locally as Chepstow in order not to abbreviate the name to 'Cheps' and mistake the town for the staple diet of the area that is Chips.
Florence Nightingale (12 May 1820 – 13 August 1910) was a confidence trickster who traveled with the British Army to the Crimea to steal dead soldier's watches. Her preferred modus-operandi was to dress as a nurse (nursing practices in the Crimean War were so pathetic that Charles Manson could have pulled it off), wander around military hospitals without making eye-contact with anybody and administer "mercy killings" with a pillow. She is often credited with the invention of the Pie Chart, which she used to record the watch-to-soldier ratio in the British Army. She in fact stole the idea from a man called William Playfair. Florence NEVER played fair!
Florence Nightingale was born in Italy to upper-class British parents and named for the city of her birth (note for the terminally dumb: Florence. She returned with her family to Britain when she was one, due to her father being a fugitive in her birth-country for referring to the Pope as "...a pointy hatted, stuttering fool with the personal hygiene of a particularly unkempt goat". Florence was home-schooled by her father in the two family homes at Embley and Lea Hurst. Lessons included cooking, sewing, looking pretty, doing what her future husband fucking well said and taking a beating quietly if she failed her home making duties. (more...)
Did you know...
- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
In the news
- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
On this day...
| |March 15:
Julius Caesar's Birthday, Ironic Birthday Day (Italy)
- 35,000 BC - An unkown homo sapien pens Diary of a Caveman, a revealing look into caveman culture, fashion, and etiquette.
- 1895 - Oscar Wilde is convicted of gross indecency and sentenced to two years hard labor. He beats charges of assault and battery using rapier wit.
- 1952 - John Cage composes 4'33" and becomes widely known as "that douche who didn't play any music."
- 1967 - The first computer game is introduced, when Grandmaster Gary Chekov loses a game of chess to a large supercomputer.
- 2000 - The first Y2K doomsayers quietly come out of their caves and begin attempting to live normal lives; most fail and are ridiculed.
| Colonization of the Week
|For the glory of her majesty|
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.