Babel:Santa

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Today's Featured Article - Constitution of the United States (actual text)

Sigs

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Section I. Any male constituent who has attained the Age of Twenty-One years shall vote for a nobleman of his choosing to represent him in the executive legislature. He shall freely cast his choice on a ballot in a designated voting bureau and deposit the ballot in a box. After all the constituents accomplished their duty of Citizenry, the box contents shall be dumped in the nearest river and the predetermined winner be announced to the People.

Section II. Any elected representative in the Land of the Free shall receive 10 slaves Free of charge, only shipping and handling to pay and shall be refunded if not satisfied before 30 days.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power?

Not much!

That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power?

Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power.

I'd love to hear more about power!

Of course you would! (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Cologne, featured on 1 February 2014. See the featured version.
Yellow fever, featured on 01 February 2011. See the featured version.
Amerigo Vespucci, featured on 1 February 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
  • ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
  • ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
  • ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
  • ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
  • ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
  • ...that reindeer are never magical?
  • ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?

In the news

Crazy-Santa
  • Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
  • Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
  • Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
  • While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
  • The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
  • Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
  • Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
  • Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
  • Rudolph goes crazy
  • Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
  • Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
  • Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore

On this day...

Insertpic

[Insert double entendre here]

February 1: International [Insert holiday here] day
  • 24398 BC- First fat kid falls down flight of stairs.
  • 1500 AD - Caveman invents the kayak
  • 1501 AD - Caveman invents the bus
  • 1931-Boris Yeltsin born; his mother has a vodka drink while he is still in the womb, thus born drunk. *<nowiki>[Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here]
  • [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here]
  • A Peruvian Boeing 737 crashes in the Andes - killing 123 people. pwned by mountains ;[
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with[insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert overdone European reference here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert completely random date here] - [Insert absurd event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert denial of event here]
  • 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it too the youth of today
  • 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?!
  • [Insert A.D. 2101 here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here]
  • [Insert date absurdly far into the future here] - [Insert joke about robot overlords here]
  • [Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers)AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here].
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

War on Christmas
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.

Recent Articles

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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Wotm
Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
Isn't Santa wonderful?

Noobaward

Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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