Babel:Santa

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Today's Featured Article - Shanty town

A shanty town...

Greetings everyone and my name is Bob Smiles! I am a business man currently living in a shanty town and I would like to tell you that they are the BEST TOWNS EVER!!! I mean, you have everything you want in there! Including your essential roof! It has lots of holes so when the rain comes, you get a free shower! How cool is that? And that's not all.

You have free toilet paper! Ever stumbled upon a couple of rags on the ground? Wait, fuck that, they're not rags, they're awesome good quality toilet paper! Rub it on your backside and it gives you a soothing comfortable feeling! Sometimes, it may give you a little squelch, which is probably those dead insects being crushed under your backside which is probably just the awesome quality's side effects! Cool right?

Still not convinced? The rooms come in cheap prices! You don't need to cross bridges because they already have a big rubbish dump in the river for you to walk on! That just shows us how considerate our President is! Isn't he awesome?

I can see you having second thoughts about this. But don't leave! Not yet! I still have a load of things to talk about with you! You might change your mind, you know... (more...)

Recently featured:

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Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Secret, featured on 24 February 2016. See the featured version.
Chile, featured on 24 February 2014. See the featured version.
Aran Islands, featured on 24 February 2012. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
  • ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
  • ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
  • ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
  • ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
  • ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
  • ...that reindeer are never magical?
  • ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?

In the news

Crazy-Santa
  • Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
  • Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
  • Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
  • While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
  • The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
  • Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
  • Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
  • Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
  • Rudolph goes crazy
  • Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
  • Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
  • Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore

Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece

On this day...

February 24: I don't care what day it is.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

War on Christmas
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Wotm
Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
Isn't Santa wonderful?

Noobaward

Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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