Babel:Pd

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Today's featured corpse

HeathJoker

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

Recently featured: Dag Hammarskjöld - Food

Yesterday's featured corpse

DH1956 2

Dag Hjalmar Agne Carl Hammarskjöld (Swedish: [dɑːɡ ˈhamːarɧœld]; pronounced like Zlatan IbrahimovićZlatan Ibrahimović nose) was a Swedish diplomat, author, demented pulverizer of troll torsos, and humanitarian. The second Secretary-General of the United Nations, and first to be half Norse-deity, Hammarskjöld served from the rise of the storm sun until his death in 1961 en route to cease-fire negotiations.

Hammarskjöld is often referred to as the benchmark against which later UN Secretaries-General are judged; in part for remaining politically independent throughout his tenure, although mostly for his ability to hammer deep into the New York soil any world leader who went more than 5 minutes over their allotted ranting time on the United Nations lectern. His calm style of mediation and his steady swinging shoulder are regarded as the greatest assets brought to the office by a Secretary-General, at least until Kofi Annan revealed his striking resemblance to Morgan Freeman.

He remains the only U.N. Secretary-General to die in office. However it is unclear whether transitioning to another cosmological level of the magnificent world-tree Yggdrasill counts as a human 'death'; Hammarskjöld was awarded a Nobel Prize posthumously, just in case.

The fourth and youngest son of Hjalmar Hammarskjöld — a former Prime Minister of Sweden — and FreyaGoddess of Fertility, Queen of the Valkyries and Custodian of Death — Dag had descended from a long lineage of Swedes devoted to the public service, diplomacy and suckling the Æsir Gods at Asgard. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Totally Torah: Genesis, featured on 29 December 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Son of Gaddafi caught attempting to enter Canada, featured on 29 December 2011. See the featured version.
Moby-Dick, featured on 29 December 2010. See the featured version.
UnBooks:The Stranger, featured on 29 December 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

Latest murders

Past murders...

Paper Stalin

December 29: National "In Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia talks like YOU!!" Day

  • 1337 - In Soviet Russia, the fat guy strangler strangles YOU!!
  • 1501 - In Soviet Russia, WikiHeaven goes to YOU!!
  • 1348 - In Soviet Russia, anti-Semitic mob kills JEW!!
  • 1809 - In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!!
  • 1918 - In Soviet Russia, state revolutionalizes YOU!!
  • 1926 - In Soviet Russia, television watches YOU!!
  • 1945 - In Soviet Russia, World War II wins YOU!!
  • 1952 - In Soviet Russia, freedom has YOU!!
  • 1953 - In Soviet Russia, nothing has YOU!!
  • 1954 - In Soviet Russia, subversive literature is not allowed to write YOU!!
  • 1955 - In Soviet Russia, married can get YOU!!
  • 1956 - In Soviet Russia, the law has equal rights under YOU!!
  • 1957 - In Soviet Russia, onlookers are looked upon as strange and possibly insane if they wear no clothes and start barking like dogs in public places to YOU!!
  • 1958 - In Soviet Russia, peace can die in YOU!!
  • 1959 - In Soviet Russia, hooker pays YOU!!
  • 1969 - In Soviet Russia, moon lands on YOU!!
  • 1982 - In Soviet Russia, the last recorded bowel movement has YOU!!
  • 1989 - My Sweet Thang is born!!! 18 Years Later she marry's a Stud Muffin and they have kids then get divorced. Oh Ya. This all happend it Soviet Russia.
  • 1999 - In Soviet Russia, Winslet fatalism subscribes to YOU!!
  • 2000 - In Soviet Russia, Y2K bugs YOU!!
  • 2001 - In Soviet Russia, ipod listens to YOU!!
  • 2004 - In Soviet Russia, idiot reelects YOU!!
  • 2005 - In Soviet Russia, the Most Awesome Page Ever worships YOU!!
  • 2006 - In Soviet Russia, article hyperlinks YOU!!
  • 2007 - In Soviet Russia, n00bs pwn YOU!
  • 2010 - In Soviet Russia, cyclopedia uns YOU!
  • 2101 - In Soviet Russia, war begins YOU!!
  • 2112 - In Soviet Russia, control assumes YOU!!
  • 3124 - In Soviet Russia, world destroys YOU!!
  • 3875 - silence
Pie of the Week
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Help us bring back murder victims,
and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

LEGOGiraffeCull

Lego Noir

Image Credit: ScottPat
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Pie Recipes

Galla Placidia | Barf (rw) | Nirvana | Gensokyo | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel | Dudley | Availability | UnDebate:Should women rap? | Banh Shop | Worst bumper stickers | Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) |


More recent murders | Most wanted pies | Requested re-dos | Short recipes | Lonely piemakers | Pie Review | Try reanimating... | Daisies needing a push

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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