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Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.


Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 31,824 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.

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Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:

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Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

Today's Featured Article - Nero

EmoNero

Nero, Son of Zero (full name and titles Imperator Caesar Maximus Naughtius Pretentious Stroppius Homosexius Nero Augustus) was an Emperor of the Roman Empire and history's first Emo. His reign notable for explosive violence, homoeroticism, and bad acting, which has lead to Simon Schama summing up Nero's rule as "the empire's Rambo-film period". He also embarked on an extensive and extremely-tasteless building programme which the ravages of time have spared our modern eyes.

Nero was selected as heir to the office of First Citizen of the Republic monarchy during the reign of his stepfather Emperor Claudius (aka M.C. Clau-Clau-Claudius) which Nero didn't really want. What he really wanted to do was write poetry about how no one understood him and how the Praetorian Prefect was always making him tidy his room. After Claudius' poisoning tragic death his mother ensured that she would co-rule with her son. She also employed a philosopher, Seneca, to tutor her son in the ways of statecraft. Seneca famously recommended Nero rule "with clemency" but Nero didn't know what clemency meant (literally) and he found this so frustrating that he had several equestrians executed to take his mind off it.

Nero's mother was also constantly nagging at him. "It really is too much", the Emperor is said to have confided to his best friends one evening whilst in his cups "On and on that woman goes - "Nero, we need to secure the border in Britannia, Nero you need to deal with this deficit in the treasury". When I say I'd rather play my harp and write a ten-act play about my favorite sandals she goes off the boil! So unfair!". Nero eventually decided he'd had enough and made several attempts on his mother's life, including sailing her away in a collapsible boat and trying to drop a roof on her head. (more...)

Recently featured: Nero

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More of Oscar's picks


Why was I born with such contemporaries?

Kuntry'stein by adj

February 19: Equation Day (Pieland)


  • 1200 BC: Pi*e/(mc2=Pie/e=3.14159_ad-infinitum
  • 500 BC:  China+gunpowder(stupid)=great+wall
  • 33 BC: jesus+2(knock)=it*s(jesus)+lol
  • 1200 AC: Pie*e*Pi*3.14*3=14159_ad-infinitum
  • 1200 DC: PPie*Ee*P*i1.337*69=14159_ad-infinitum
  • 1300 CD: 1+1=1154
  • 1337 ACDC: Life+Universe+Everything=42
  • 1984 BC: (smokingdope + alreadystoned) <> gettinghigher
  • 1985 BC: (smokingdope + alreadystoned) == lowerondope
  • 2400 AD: (adam + eve)+ oven= pi (adam not got enough pi (adam+eve+oven)+bette midler=enough pi+satisfied adam
  • 2401 AD: This Year + Last Year = Death of Humans

The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.

WillObama1.jpg







Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece


Today in London


It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ...that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?


Read on

This Month's Wit

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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