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Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.


Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 29,459 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.

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Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:

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Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

Today's Featured Article - Political correctness

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Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

*ahem*

Political correctness was invented for niggers, bitches, fags and retards. AIDS is good because it kills off all those dirty Niggers. All non-"white straight working for the man and having two kids in a nice family with a picket fence and a dog Christian males" should be killed

*ahem*

Political correctness was brought in for blacks, women, gays and disabled people. People who follow PC should be killed. Black people should die. You are making me self censor myself bitch-

*AHEM*

Political correctness was introduced for African-Americans, females, homosexuals and mentally or physically challenged persons, to avoid discrim-

*AHEM*

DIE YOU MOTHER FUCKING POLITICAL CORRECT HOUND -

*no no not the face AHHHHHHHHHH*

Now, as I was saying, Political correctness is based on the valid idea protected under principles of a civilized society proposed by progressive elements of society and empathic and sociable interest groups to promote civilized behavior and prevent exclusion towards minorities, disadvantaged members of society, and fellow human beings outside of one's own particular society. This responsible code of conduct prevents offensive or otherwise undesirable projections towards persons of specific demographics. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - UnNews:Apple unveils iWeapon

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SAN FRANCISCO, California - Since the dawn of war soldiers have always been taught to react to hostile fire by ducking under cover. But a new weapon designed by Apple for the U.S. Army makes that tactic obsolete. The enemy can run but he can't hide when stalked by the iSmart Ordnance Bullet (iSOB).

After years of development at testing sites such as Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Korea, Iraq, Somalia, Panama, and Libya, etc., the U.S. Army is finally set to unleash the new ultra-smart technology into the heat of battle. The ion-battery-powered iStalk Target System (iSTS), is essentially a high-tech thingamajig that can be programmed so the special 25-mm explosive round, the iSOB, actually stalks and follows the target, and when the bullet is close to the enemy it explodes with the force of an M67 grenade.

Lt. Col. Christopher Lehner, project manager for the semi-automatic, shoulder-fired weapon system that was designed to enhance the U.S. Army's Unexpendable Executive Soldier (General or higher) program, said that the Apple iWeapon's capability alone is so game-changing that it'll lead to new ways of fighting on the battlefield, beginning this month in Afghanistan. The main innovation being that generals will now be fighting on the front lines. (more...)

You can suggest articles for Oscar to read.

More of Oscar's picks


Why was I born with such contemporaries?

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May 26: Wear Pants On Your Head Day

  • 1907 - Vauxhall Bridge is opened in Beijing.
  • 1958 - Yamahachi "Iron Chef Iron Shavings" Tsuharo is born in Cape Town, South Africa.
  • 1963 - Unicorns are discovered in Portugal.
  • 1963 - Unicorns are extinct in Portugal.
  • 1973 - "Let's not celebrate this day" festival is celebrated for the first and last time.
  • 1979 - The Afro haircut becomes compulsory in the 48 contiguous states. (Alaska follows suit in 1983.)
  • 1980 - Spain Declares war on Pope "Eggs benedict IV" for previous remarks
  • 1981 - Boy George is proclaimed Queen of England.
  • 1982 - Boy George is deposed in violent uprising of bagpipe makers.
  • 1985 - Peter Pan spins in his grave as Michael Jackson's Neverland is built.
  • 1999 - The Y2K Bug dies squashed under a rock.
  • 2002 - Mars Odyssey ship finds signs of rocks on the planet Mars.
  • 2003 - First Masked Avenger found drunk lying in a puddle with dead hooker in lap. Law suits ensue and first official 'Sue a Super' day commences.
  • 2004 - The Vienna Boys Choir release a choral version of "Whip It !" that ranks #22 on the Billboard.
  • 2011 - Somebody uses the word 'bacon' in a sentence.

The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.


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Today in London


It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ...that all Unix releases of Uncyclopedia come with a nifty manual page, which is far superior to Microsoft's .chm help files?

Read on

This Month's Wit

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The dancing banana Shabidoo stepped up to the plate and joined all the other fruits to be honoured with Writer of the Month in April. He is the author of works like HowTo:Make Breakfast Dew (For Women), Ozone, Nothing is permanent and Mahjong. Shabido is a keen collaborator with others and an organiser of events, so perhaps we can see a future career path for this particular Uncyclopedian. Shabido is also a regular contributor to 'my two cents worth' style of forums (in a good way) and has yet to swap unbridled enthusiasm for world weary cynicism that is a mark of some of the veteran contributors to this site. Shine on Shabidoo until that banana stops dancing to the music of time...(as isn't it time you got off that computer and come and talk to the rest of your family?).

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No longer is this 'Noob of the Month' but 'Noob of the Moment. We all have our moments, certainly in our later years. This April three Noobs are honoured. Now that there is no time limit on 'noobery', these three have been honoured this month.

First to get our notice was XDshempXD, a self described Mexican enduring life in the USA. What's more, XDShempXD is a woman, yes to all you short trousered wearers and code kiddies, a girl has come to your party! So behave now and wash your faces more often. XDshempXD (can we call you Shempy??) has been here since the middle of 2011 and has brought with her stories with a more more Latin American flavour. So now we have articles like UnBooks:Sexually suggestive songs by Roberto Carlos which confused me as I thought it was about an ex-Brazilian football player but is indeed someone closer to home for her. Our second Noob of the Moment is Alpha Quintesson. He has gravitated to what I like to call the 'sharp end' of Uncyclopedia, rooting out and alerting the dinosaur speedy admins here about some nasty little vandals trying to upset the organised, efficient work processes here. I hope he can also find time to write a bit more as well. Finally there is Mockingbird ST. What the ST stands remains a mystery... or no one has asked him as yet (probably the latter). It's a great user name all the same though perhaps some people may want to kill him for literary title reasons. I hope not, otherwise we would not have articles like Counting to potato to consider.


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Like receiving a carriage clock, a ticket to the ballet or a new set of teeth, the monthly award for general all round usefulness is a recognition that this user is now reaching a pinnacle... or is that a Pinocchio of achievement. In April the community voted in favour of Funnybony. For those who don't know 'FB', he has been one of this site's most prolific of authors. His user page is almost groaning under the weight of his many works but something isn't so well known, FB is one of the most generous, and genuine guys here. FB likes to talk, work with other people and even if you don't vote in favour of one his works, FB remains a model of politeness. He is also a friend of Jeff Beck and was really there in the 1960s when music became the cultural phenomena of that decade. Funnybony doesn't need to be here, he could be sitting on a verandah drinking or meditating or both but instead he likes to write for fun. Uncyclopedia has certainly benefitted from his output. What more can I, or we, say about that. Now... Funnybony, do really want that clock...?



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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