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During the late 1990s, the band U2 fell on hard times.
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Today's Featured Article - Drake of the 99 Dragons

DrakeExplosion

Drake of the 99 Dragons is a 2003 third-person shooter video game for the Xbox and Windows. In the game, the clan of the 99 Dragons has been wiped out and the artifact they were supposed to be guarding slips into the wrong hands, while they were all distracted by being murdered. One of the clan members, Drake, doesn't let death get in the way of destiny, and returns from the grave to avenge his clan, recover the carelessly lost item, and show them that living post-mortem may present a challenge to the nostrils or finding a partner, but should not have an effect on basic guard duties.

Drake received universal acclaim, redefining the standard for great games alongside Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, released the same week. Developer Idol FX planned on making a comic book and cartoon based on it, but the game was too good to waste time letting people read or watch its great story. All in told, the games' sales made its developers even richer than Bill Gates.

The primary objective of Drake is to find those bastards who murdered your clan and shoot them in the face. To do so, the player uses a wide array of violent gut-splattering firearms. Like an Italian chef that has just has his veal cutlet returned by a customer, Drake uses the strategy of darting around and flailing his arms everywhere, then randomly shooting the nearest person without looking. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Napgal fronemppose

Napoleon I-have-a-big-part.

Patrick

Saint Patrick

March 17: Sex Day (not Belgium)

  • 45 CE - Julius Caesar decides to invade the United States, but is hampered by the non-existence of the US at the time, and his untimely death 101 years previously.
  • 51 - The ghost of a stubborn Julius Caesar now personally decides to invade America. Frightened Indians bring him offerings of lettuce, oil, eggs and anchovies. Caesar salad is invented.
  • 387 - St. Patrick: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking isle!" He proceeds to have sex with Heidi Keppert, in the name of Tim Allen.
  • 991 - Anglo-Saxon King Æthelred II, late again, sends the Danes a stale box of candy for Valentine's Day, precipitating the Battle of Maldon when Vikings are unable to exchange it at the Sainsbury's there.
  • 1702 - Irish leprechauns are reported to be having sex on the moors.
  • 1861 - After a quick shag, returning from Belgium, Napoleon proclaims the Kingdom of Italy.
  • 1750 - Casanova discovers that group sex with porcupines isn't so hot. Still, porcupines become rare in Europe due to an outbreak of STDs.
  • 1918 - Germany loses some of its lands to Austria in an amicable game of Texas Hold 'Em.
  • 1926 - Al Capone decides to have a cheese and baloney sandwich for breakfast. Unbeknownst to him, this event would eventually culminate in the following year's St. Valentine's Day massacre.
  • 1931 - Nevada legalizes gambling whilst having sex.
  • 1950 - California is discovered by bombarding Los Angeles with ionized Hentaium and the heavy element Michaelmoorium.
  • 2010 - The cancellation of American Idol leads to mass suicides in America, though involving mostly members of William Hung's extended family.
  • 2012 - Gaseous LSD is pumped into the chambers of the Texas state legislature, with apparently no visible effect on the loons within. While some visiting tourists take some great trips, screaming and poo-flinging signals "business as usual" for the lawmakers.
  • 2014 - St. Patrick's Day is renamed by the Scottish Parliament to St. Alex Salmond Day. Salmond, The Scottish First Minister, denies having anything to do with the change.

archived aniverserys

writer of da munth

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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