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welcum 2 uncyclopedia, da content-free encyclopedia dat steve/i can edit.


sophia haz inspierd us 2 wurk on 31,661 articles since opening in january 2005.

before editin, plz raed da writin guidelines n flamewar manual.

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Yesterday's Featured Article - State of the Union address

2011 State of the Union

The State of the Union address is a method of compressing partisan lies into an hour-or-two-long speech (or -three, in the case of Bill Clinton).

The annual speech tells Congress and the entire United States what The President thinks. It is received in a room full of crusty and aging legislators who long ago lost their souls and have no lodestar except the desire to:

  1. Bask in the reflected glory of the President's presence, and
  2. Have all their impressionable constituents watch them doing so and thereby get the impression they have a fraction of the President's charisma.

Federal law provides that, in addition to his annual salary of $400,000, the President gets one evening a year in a chamber where a crowd of fawning wannabes will deliriously applaud him for saying nothing of substance, and where everyone in the country can see that they did. This is not just a fringe benefit for the President, but reassures even the most incompetent American citizen that his poorest and most meaningless work might have someone welcome it, by virtue of the welcomer being even worse — or might lead to a lifetime sinecure, if he can simply find a boss who is eager to be surrounded by suck-ups.

Article II, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution tasks the President to "from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the Union, to recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient, or failing that, to advise the same as to how far to bend over."

It is a perennial mystery to Constitutional scholars why the small document that set out three co-equal branches contains this loophole directing two of them to kiss the butt of one of them every year.. (more...)

u can voet 4 you're favorit articlez 2 b feturd.

da kool stufz


Selected anniversaries

September 23: Take a Venomous Animal to Work Day, also National Australian Pavlova is Ours Day.

  • 1143 - Pope Innoocent II rejoins God after taking his wife to work.
  • 1554 - Francisco Vasquez de Coronado, Spanish explorer, dies after taking a rattlesnake to work.
  • 1774 - Pope Clement XIV (b. 1705) expires after taking a lionfish to work.
  • 1972 - The French word "capitulate" is added to the OED (the French themselves have been using the word since 600 BC).
  • 1974 - Two whole words, both alike in dignity, "Capulet" and "Montague", are added to the OED.
  • 1979 - Olympics held in Wigan for the second time.
  • 1986 - Ozzy "Ozzy" Osbourne catches a crazy train. Is late for work. Rioting ensues.
  • 1989 - Songwriter Irving Berlin dies when the platypus he brings to work strikes him with its venomous leg spines.
  • 1990 - First "cow catapult" launch observed in controversial computer game "Nuclear War".
  • 1995 - Samantha T. is born as a baby
  • 2002 - Revolution in Webbrowserland leads to crowning of Pheonix I by Mozilla rebels. Fighting start of Firefox War.
  • 2006 - A homeless man in Australia is beaten sensless by a giant used tampon. Police reports show that the tampon was 'Carefree'.
  • 2007 - Rhys Jones is caught in a drive-by on the way to a Used concert, his collapse to the ground causes the biggest earthquake on human record which in turn brings the end of the world (doomsday)
  • 2008 - Australia freaks out due to apocalypse, but then realises false alarm that it is only a duststorm.
  • 2009 - Australia rejoices as government scientists prove that New Zealand forged pavlova recipe, meaning that Australians now have another reason to mock their cousins across the Tasman.

archived aniverserys

writer of da munth

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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