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Today's Party Column


Today's Featured Article - The X-HEIRS

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In the study of a large mansion, a strange and silent man sits motioness, brooding... (more...)

Recently featured: Gul Dukat

Yesterday's Featured Article - Gul Dukat

Dukat

Gul Dukat is a wise Cardassian statesman and cuddly little genocidal maniac from the TV series's Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Keeping Up with the Cardassians, and Gul Dukat Takes Miami. He is widely regarded as being the nicest character in TV history, but is constantly suffering from abuse by the other characters.

Before the beginning of the show, I, Dukat served as the prefect of the planet Bajor, which was under Cardassian occupation protection because they were really weak, primitive and pathetic and didn't know how to take care of themselves. They needed Dukat, to govern and defend them and he was there to help. Unfortunately, at this time, Bajor was threatened by evil terrorists who wanted to overthrow the legitimate government of Bajor, expel their Cardassian protectors, and establish a planet-wide theocracy.

Now, Dukat tried to be as kind as possible towards the Bajoran people, going out of my his way many times to hand out stuffed animals and apple juice. But the Bajorans complained that these had been produced in Bajoran work camps which for some reason upset them. Whatever, more Teddies for me. These happy work camps were created by the Cardassians to help train the primitive Bajorians in more modern ways of manufacturing (and to partially off-set the cost of protecting Bajor). (more...)

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Our glorious history

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June 20: "Have A Nice Day" Day, Nice Day Appreciation Day (New Zealand), Just Another Day (Earth)

  • A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: Darth Vader, The Emperor, Yoda and Luke Skywalker are ordered by the Imperial Senate to take acting lessons.
  • 1782 - The U.S. Congress establishes the Great Seal of the United States. It is a California seal named Buster.
  • 1801 - Buster killed in British terrorist attack on Brooklyn Zoo. Buster's daughter Bibi named National Seal. Salmon stage protests in major cities.
  • 1877 - Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first telephone service so that he can build his phone sex empire – it would become very successful.
  • 1883 - Oscar Wilde completes his play The Duchess of Paduan, which would later be converted into the Star Wars septology.
  • 1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother, mostly due to the court allowing Borden to brandish an axe at the prosecution, judge, jurors, and small children in the audience.
  • 1923 - The United States government interrupts 30 years of nothing happening on June 20 to wish everyone "a nice day."
  • 1925 - The "Have A Nice Day" riots finally subside.
  • 1926 - Indictments for "Have A Nice Day" riots quashed. Judge says "have a nice day". Riots resume, ending after martial law declared.
  • 1927 - Everyone finally has a nice day on Have A Nice Day Riots Day Day. Only minor rioting happens, as people too confused by name of day.
  • 1959 - A rare hurricane strikes Canada's Gulf of St. Lawrence, destroying vast Sasquatch habitat and postponing the National Curling Championships.
  • 1963 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish the "red telephone" line so that the leaders of both nations can ask how each others' day was and generally make small talk, replacing the old method of communication between the two, threatening each other with nuclear war.
  • 1973 - Snipers wish a happy day to a crowd in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Thirteen are greatly overcome with joy and more than 300 are left mildly ecstatic.
  • 2289 - The British finally land on the moon. They discover that tea cannot be taken in 1/8 gravity, cancel mission amid a not so nice day.

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Today's hangul word is
[[

effervescence]]
Use this word to awe your enemies.

Today in the DPRK

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Second Front Pages:


Rodong Sinmun, page 2


It is an irreputable fact...

  • ... about alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?

You cannot deny... Edit

  • ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented?


More wisdom

Party members of the month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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