The Question Authority is an agency of the United States government, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority.
The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including:
- Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling?
- Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him?
- May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant?
- What was that noise? Did you hear that?
Probability theory was developed by Gerolamo Cardano, Pierre de Fermat and Blaise Pascal. In this research team, there was no cooperation at all, because they all lived at different times and were too lazy to invent the time machine. So the development of this theory lasted for centuries and is (probably) not yet finished. Cardano et al. were all committed into mental hospitals late in their lives. What are the odds against that? It is not clear whether they were actually mentally disoriented, or merely seemed to be, because of answering simple yes-and-no questions by speculating about "the chances."
The reason for this theory — as mathematicians do things only on purpose — is unknown to humanity. But some think that these scientists had had enough of answering the questions exactly and decided that with the theory of probability it would be a way easier. But when they were told that they were not doing their job properly, to complicate the situation more, these mathematicians developed some incomprehensible formulas to prove the opposite.
The theory of probability should be used in several cases:
- When you don't want to give a direct answer to a question
- When you don't have an answer to a question but want to make people think that you do
- When you want to complicate everything you have said and make everyone confused
People who very often use the theory of probability are called politicians. (more...)
DID U KNOE...
- ...that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (pictured)
- ...that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ...that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
- ... that it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon?
- ...that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ...that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ...that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
- ...that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
In the news
ON DIS DAI...
May 20: Have a Vision of the Virgin Mary Day (South America and Spain), Bacon Appreciation Day (America)
- 200 - Bacon is invented in Turkey.
- 1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own.
- 1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis.
- 1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again.
- 1874 - Pope Pius IX sees the Virgin Mary on a strip of delicious bacon.
- 1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash.
- 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales makes an unsuccessful attempt to kill Hitler. The two later become the best of friends.
- 1932 - Popeye is introduced to Extra Virgin Olive Oyl.
- 1971 - Responding to the Soviet Union's announcementof the day before the BBC start legal predings for copyright violation, claiming "Mars 2 is just a cheap knock off of Button Moon".
- 1988 - Night Court is cancelled. The suicide rate for shut-ins triples overnight.
- 1995 - Some guy finally translates De Bello Gallico.
- 1999 - Sophia Capicola directs the The Virgin Suicides to the delight of spaced out club kids everywhere.
- 2004 - McCaulay Caulkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff.
- 2007 - Illegal aliens crossing the US/Mexico border see the Virgin Mary in the Bush Administration's new 10000 volt border fence.
| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
|For the glory of her majesty|
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.