The introduction joke is the premise of all good speeches, presentations, conferences and keynotes. Its role is multiple: it helps to relax the audience and increase its attention, also giving the impression that the guy who's going to talk for two hours is as funny as Groucho Marx, especially in a speech on Greek economic policy, eulogizing a statesman who just died, or announcing the nation's surrender to an occupying Army. The skeptical reader who is still not convinced may wish to review famous speeches from history and imagine the effect if the orator had not begun his speech with the introduction joke (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Neptune
Neptune is a planet. Its astronomical symbol is ♆, a stylized version of Devil's trident and it is said that this symbol was given to a planet by a satanist. Neptune is far away in this galaxy and is one of the 9... er... that is, 8 planets of the solar system. Pluto recently had to resign its planet title since it lost by KO to Neptune in an unification bout. One thing many people don't know is that Neptune actually has one ring like Saturn does but lost it and can't find the damn thing since it is its old engagement ring. As the marriage with Uranus was ailing, the couple soon broke up and Neptune took off its ring for some time. It's probably floating around the Solar system somewhere. Scientists say the spherical bunch of gas just doesn't seem to care.
Neptune is freezingly cold and has no atmosphere. Even though it is represented as a blue planet, it is actually darker than the darkest dark side of the moon because the Sun is so darn far away. Neptune often feels lonely because it knows deep in its guts that man will never reach it.(more...)
DID U KNOE...
- ...that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (pictured)
- ...that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
- ...that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ...that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe?
- ...that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
- ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
In the news
ON DIS DAI...
December 10: Nobel Prize ceremony awards
- 2000 BC - Egypt gets flooded. Greeks keep melting ice in Aegean Sea. Egypt submits to Mayas in request for help. The great pyramids are decided to be built.
- 1868 - The first traffic lights are installed outside the Houses of Parliament in London. No prizes are awarded, however, as they won't be invented until 33 years later.
- 1901 - The Nobel Prize for Having Died is awarded to Swedish chemist and industrialist Alfred Nobel, for having died on this day in 1896.
- 1936 - The Nobel Prize for Abdicating the Throne is awarded to Edward VIII, for being the only British monarch to voluntarily relinquish the throne.
- 1945 - Nobel Prize for Killing People is controversally awarded to Joseph Stalin, sparking a split in the Nobel committee between pro-gulag and pro-holocaust members.
- 1985 - The Generic Nobel Prize is awarded to the winner for great achievements in his specific field of excellence.
- 1986 - The Nobel Prize for annoying, unimaginative and repetitive self-referential humor with an inane and stupid ending that is awarded to the Nobel Prize for annoying, unimaginative and repetitive self-referential humor with an inane and stupid ending is awarded to the Nobel prize for annoying, unimaginative and repetitive self-referential humor with an inane and stupid ending. (insert inane and stupid ending here)
- 1987 - Nobel Prize for Chemistry is swallowed by an eel. Laureate Heidelberg Wimschurst is awarded tic-tac in its place.
- 1989 - The Nobel Prize in Procrastination is put off until next year.
- 1997 - Nobel Prize for Cynicism is awarded, yet again, to some guy who only won it because he is friends with the voting elite.
- 2004 - The Nobel Prize in Procrastination will be awarded soon. Really. Just give me five seconds, okay?
- 2005 - The Nobel Prize for Predictable Conservative Humour is awarded to those wacky Demoncrats who bumble around in congress, flip-flopping away, raising taxes and spending our hard-earned money while terrorists rape and murder our children.
- 2006 - Bruce Forsyth receives the Nobel Prize for Hosting Strictly Come Dancing. In a statement, he says: Proud to receive this award, to receive this award, proud.
| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
|For the glory of her majesty|
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.