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Today's Featured Article - Stairs

Heaven stairs

Stairs is the term given to more than one stair arranged diagonally to allow ease of movement between a lower floor and an upper floor, which comes in especially handy during commercial breaks when the toilet is on a different floor to the television viewing room. During the Dark Ages many viewers missed the recap of what happened before the last break due to the inefficiency of rope-ladders and fireman poles, particularly for those afflicted with aching joints and leprosy. Stairs were invented to address this problem as well as providing an effective defense against Dalek invasions. The invention of stairs also had other unforeseen benefits such as providing a safe and local government body-approved way to exit a building if the elevator fails during a fire.

Stairs are useful as a navigation aid for traversing a multi-level building or dungeon, even where no such stairs exist. The term upstairs can mean any floor above another floor, even if that floor is downstairs from another floor above it. This upstairs-downstairs duality has often resulted in confusion for many building dwellers who can’t decide which floor they need to be on when exiting an elevator. Many reports of missing people have been resolved when they were found wandering aimlessly caught in the limbo between upstairs and downstairs.

Stairs should not be confused with steps, which are completely different except in cases where they can conveniently mean the same thing when it suits this article. (more...)

Recently featured: Stairs - Atheist Alliance of America

Yesterday's Featured Article - Atheist Alliance of America

AAA1

The Atheist Alliance of America more commonly known as the AAA, is an American non-profit organization that provides atheistic support for people who have broken down on the highway. The organization defends civil rights and liberties of car owners up and down the country and advances the argument against the fact that God created cars in the state they are today and that instead cars evolved.

The Alliance has 7,500 members in the USA, a pittance equal to the number of people with serious mental illness, which is incidentally the same as the number of supporters of the Tea Party. Most members are trained mechanical engineers and aren't too bothered about the being-an-atheist bit, which has caused a large stir among fundamentalists in the alliance.

The Atheist Alliance of America was founded in the 1950s and so suspiciously coincided with the era of the "Red Scare". Most members of the alliance were immediately labelled as communists and heretics and put to the electric chair by Senator McCarthy for "exercising their right to free speech without God's consent". Those who survived the 1950s carried on the alliance and began training themselves to solve mechanical problems associated with cars.

Many in the atheist alliance disagree with the blatant empirical evidence that the organization was founded in the 1950s and actually believe that the organization was formed 13.77 billion years ago from simple matter and that it therefore has no purpose behind it other than to allow socialists to protest against the American government under a different banner. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Being and Nothingness, featured on 20 November 2012. See the featured version.
1969 24 Hours of Le Mans, featured on 20 November 2011. See the featured version.
Tony Jaa, featured on 20 November 2010. See the featured version.

DID U KNOE...

Giraffe love
  • ...that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (pictured)
  • ...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
    • ...that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
      • ...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
  • ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
  • ...that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
  • ...that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

In the news

ON DIS DAI...

Sophia-red

November 20: Sophia Day

  • 500 BC - Greeks invent philosophy(filos=love, Sophia)
  • 479 BC - Sophia invents boobs , millions stare.
  • 284 - Dodecahedron becomes Roman Emperor.
  • 403 - Hagia Sohpia completed in Constantinople. Her majestic domes are just huge.
  • 1453 - Turks capture Constantinople and rename it Is Stan Bull, adding minarets as phallic symbols around the Hagia Sophia.
  • 1910 - Mexican Revolution begins. Mexicans get some Madero and Porfirio Díaz is not amused at all.
  • 1910 - (about 1 o'clock PM): Siesta in Mexico. Revolution postponed.
  • 1917 - World War I: Battle of Cambrai begins - The Allies make surprise attack on the German Trenches while the Soldiers are transfixed on Sophia's Invention.
  • 1950 - Sofia Loren enters puberty. The Acme Hand Lotion Company sees its stock quadruple almost overnight.
  • 1958 - Sofia films 'Boy On A Dolphin'. Years later, Michael Jackson will purchase rights for the remake.
  • 1988 - Pac-Man and Miss Pac-Man wed amid concerns over their identical surnames.
  • 2028 - After 40 years of marriage, Pac-Man tragically dies whilst at work, Mrs Pac-Man disbands the Pac-Man series of games. Forum riots ensue.
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

Vadersegway2

Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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