A Very Special Article deals with mature themes that may not be suitable for all readers. Parents are advised to use their discretion before allowing minors to access the article or any other article about the problems that might be killing them. Furthermore, Focus on the Family donors are encouraged to read the article in its entirety, as it is sure to contain sensationalizing narration with details that are sordid—perhaps even sexual—in nature. Protect your children.
The editors of this article are ordinary people except for the myriad dramatic incidents that pervade every waking moment of their dismal lives.
Timmy had long taken pride in his work as an Uncyclopedia editor. After making his first edit (replacing the first "e" in "cemetery" with an "a") he ran downstairs and said, "Look, Daddy! I fixed it!" Then in a pathetic attempt at ventriloquism Timmy manipulated the head of a teddy bear he had sprayed with his father's cologne and said, "I'm so proud of you, Timmy!" For Timmy's father was not there at all. He was with Timmy's "Aunt" Lana, whom Timmy's father had made a rendezvous with three months earlier at a motel while on a "work retreat", so that they could "fuck each other's brains out". (more...)
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
1867 - New England businessmen and scientists announce they genetically modified trees to change colors in autumn, as part of a plan to lure Southern tourists back North after the Civil War. The plan fails when the first Southern tourists complain about the integration of colored trees with non-colored trees.
1939 - America is yet to join World War II; Roosevelt requires more persuasion.
1960 - Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham is first published, provoking the law that Best Before Date stickers are to be put on all eggs and ham. This law is later extended to include all perishable food items and Michael Jackson's career.
2001 - The Federal Communications Commission places a largely ignored ban on the use of fall as a synonym for autumn, citing complaints by family members of September 11 victims.
2003 - Plans to change winter to "Gets-back-up-again" are shelved, because it is "stupid".
2004 - The countdown timer in Lost secretly goes below zero and counts down to minus 108, before displaying a picture of the Rosetta Stone and then a large Wikipedia logo. On a completely unrelated note, a plane crashes on the island and the first series of Lost begins.
2009 - The renown special forces operative, marine and space cosmonaut, Master Chief, is found dead with his life partner Arby laying over him weeping. When consoled, he gives an account of their first sexual encounter since their relationship began. Arby states that his species has to wipe out the lint in their bladder everyday or it is projected out at near FTL speeds from one of their sexual organs, usually the phallus. Arby forgot.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!