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Today's Featured Article - Shanty town

A shanty town...

Greetings everyone and my name is Bob Smiles! I am a business man currently living in a shanty town and I would like to tell you that they are the BEST TOWNS EVER!!! I mean, you have everything you want in there! Including your essential roof! It has lots of holes so when the rain comes, you get a free shower! How cool is that? And that's not all.

You have free toilet paper! Ever stumbled upon a couple of rags on the ground? Wait, fuck that, they're not rags, they're awesome good quality toilet paper! Rub it on your backside and it gives you a soothing comfortable feeling! Sometimes, it may give you a little squelch, which is probably those dead insects being crushed under your backside which is probably just the awesome quality's side effects! Cool right?

Still not convinced? The rooms come in cheap prices! You don't need to cross bridges because they already have a big rubbish dump in the river for you to walk on! That just shows us how considerate our President is! Isn't he awesome?

I can see you having second thoughts about this. But don't leave! Not yet! I still have a load of things to talk about with you! You might change your mind, you know... (more...)

Recently featured: Shanty town

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Bad Directions, featured on 25 February 2013. See the featured version.

DID U KNOE...

180px-Wikipedians
  • ...that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (pictured)
  • ...that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ...that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
    • ...and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
  • ...that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
  • ...that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ...that sheep shrink when it rains?

In the news

ON DIS DAI...

February 25: 1337 d4y (133714)
  • 1966 - Palestinians informed that they are not the Chosen People. Jews celebrate, only to be told that they, also, are not the Chosen People.
  • 1337 - 1337 15 c0mm0n.
    • 1337 - Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein are born. The world almost explodes. They said they'd kill me if this was done in 1337.
  • 1338 - 1337 mysteriously falls out of usage. Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein put into cryogenic freeze until the 20th century.
  • 1980 - Al Gore creates the year 1980
  • 1997 - Space is invented.
  • 3137 - 173471041nrnn 1337 4494nrm 4dy.
  • 7331 - 5dr4wkc4b 51 7331.
  • π - F**k it, no one can read it anyway.
  • 7331337 - In Soviet Russia, 1337 can't f**king read YOU!!
  • ... - AFK day.
  • N00B - WTFWJDFAKBZOMGLM AOROTFLOLZOMGBBQHAXNOOB13 37KAMSABP11!!111 !!1!1(WHAT THE F **K WOULD JESUS DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR ZOH MY GOD LAUGHING MY A SS OFF ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUG HING OUT LOUD ZOH MY GOD BA RBECUE HACKS NOOB LEET KOOL-AID MAN SAUSAGE AN D BACON POUTINE11!!111!!1!1)
  • 1985 - Bill Gates invents Glass and pwns everyone on his computer
  • 2005 - Man finds God then loses him again
  • 2011 - A Trouser Snake named Sherlock beats IBM super computer Watson in a game of Cluedo.
  • 2012 - George W. Bush replaces Tony Blair as Middle-East Peace Envoy, Sauron said to be looking forward to talks.
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

Formbygrill

Hee hee....turned out shite again? Try the George Formby Mean Lean on a Lamppost Grilling Machine, put a little ukulele in YOUR hand.

Image Credit: Hindleyite
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

RESENT ARTICLEZ

Ten Soles (crop).jpg

Quantum tunneling | Mika | Victory lap (pictured) | Rogue One | Kraftwerk (r/w) | Gamergate controversy | Amarillo TX | Full Metal Jacket (r/w) | Liberal media (repl) | Peter Singer | Maplewood NJ | Barney's Hide & Seek Game | Kenny G (r/w) | Osmosis Jones | Air Training Corps | Short Hills NJ | Single mothers | Catwoman | Devo (r/w) | Porky Pig | Grand Moff Tarkin (r/w) | The Rock-afire Explosion | Pat Buchanan | Radiohead | Trump Tower | Arthur C. Clarke (r/w) | Revolutionary Girl Utena | Neu! | Rick Perry | Eastbourne | Bognor Regis (r/w)


MOAR RESENT ARTICLEZ | MOST WANTD PAGEZ | REQUESTD REWRITEZ | ADD 2 STUBS | LONELY PAGEZ | PEE REVIEW | TRY WRITIN BOUT... | STUCK ARTICLEZ NEEDIN PUSH | GREAT IDEAS

WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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