Today's Featured Article - Accountant
An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.
Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing."
It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)
Hello! My name is Lord Waltherington Spatula. You might have heard of me from either the news coverage of the tragic tram accident that lost me my arms, or the crown court trial where I was declared mentally incompetent after crashing a tram.
I see you're interested in Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. I was like you once, so very long ago. If you wish to learn as I did then there is only one way. Step forward, my lovely assistant, Oscar.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best
He's such a card. Yes that's right, it turns out rumours of Oscar's death were greatly overstated as he's here, with me, in this booth, behind these curtains where you couldn't possibly see him. So, Oscar, why don't you tell everyone what they will need to get started?
Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood (more...)
Idday ouyay owknay...
- ...that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (pictured)
- ...that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
- ...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
- ...that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ...that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?