My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.
Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.
In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Antibiotics
Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.
Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.
The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.
The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)
Idday ouyay owknay...
- ...that early in her career, Angelina Jolie used extensive CGI effects to cover up her anorexia? (pictured)
- ...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
- ...that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ...that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ...that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
- ...there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
In the news
Onay isthay ayday...
December 20: "Oh yeah?! You goin' down!" Day (New Jersey), Blueberry Harvest Season officially ends (you missed it)
- 4,000,000 BC - Trash talking is invented by caveman. First insult is samallhuuuuell1!!(I'm a kick the shit out of yo potatoes!!)
- 1800 - Evidence comes to light that The Battle of Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea actually took place just outside Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea.
- 1803 - Napoleon annexes St.Louisiana, taking it over from the America. He defends it by making a pact with the unpredictable Llama Jesus, now proven to be very much alive and roaming the swamp around Florida.
- 1860 - South Carolina secedes from the United States, marking the official end of the Blueberry Harvest Festival (and also leading to the American Civil War).
- 1931 - Terrell Owens, Godzilla, Crazy Frog, Vanilla Ice, Millard Fillmore, and Vin Diesel form The Legion of Doom, and celebrate by stealing a nigga's bike.
- 1977 - Kitten Huffing deemed a breach of Human Rights.
- 1982 - American-Welsh War of 1982 begins in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.