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Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 31,766 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

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Today's Featured Article - Hayden Christensen

HaydenChrist2017

Hayden A. Christensen (born April 19, 1981) is a Canadian prettyboy actor. He is best known for playing Anakin "Mannequin" Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels, as well as being in some other movies like Life as a House, Shattered Glass, and Jumper which nobody really knows much about, though his acting is supposedly better in those movies.

Christensen was the illegitimate child of Star Wars creator George Lucas and Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher from during their brief fling, and actually had a cameo as the slight bulge on Fisher's gut during her bikini scene in Return of the Jedi, filmed in 1980. He was given up for adoption to a kindly Canadian couple, being the youngest of their four children. His adoptive older sister, Hejsa, is a former trampoline champion and got into a Pringles commercial, while his adoptive aunt, supermodel Helena Christensen, was recently voted Denmark's most beautiful lefty. Hayden's middle name, "Amanda", was chosen because his adoptive parents wanted another girl so bad, so when they didn't, they compromised their adoptive son's name to fill the void. Whenever he signs his name "Hayden A. Christensen", he tells people the "A." is just a letter he put there because he has no middle name.

Christensen was raised in Thornhill, Ontario outside Toronto and attended Baythorn Public School as a child. In 1985, a four-year-old Hayden played a bit part in his preschool's Thanksgiving play. Angry that he was not given the role of Squanto, little Hayden emphatically shouted his one line, "Pass the stuffing", before breaking down in dramatic tears. It was his "wear your emotions on your sleeve" style which attracted him to the masses. (more...)

Recently featured: Hayden Christensen

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

IBD

December 15: International Björk Day, Hooker Appreciation Day (Canada), Small Donga Day (USA Whites only), second attempt at end of the world (End of the world cult, New Mexico (Michael Travesser))

  • 1200 BC - "Oh my god! I love those boots! Where did you get them? I have to get a pair!
  • 0 - Nothingness.
  • 1485 - The Renaissance man is created when Leonardo DaVinci gets pissed off at all those dammned deadlines set by everyone. Tell your local polymath to calm down, nobody wants another one of these things roaming the earth.

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What be worrying the Land Lubbers

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Pirate Times


Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...

From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:

  • ...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?


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Recent press ganged crew

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Objectivism | Batman: The Fanfiction | Harley Quinn | Robert Rodriguez (r/w) | Star Wars: The Force Awakens | Gene Simmons (r/w) | Rush (r/w) | KISS (r/w) | The Simpsons (r/w) | Osmosis Jones (r/w) | Richard Spencer | Hayden Christensen (r/w; pictured) | Ipswich, Queensland (r/w) | Shrek (r/w) | Robots (film) (light r/w) | Keeping Up With the Kattarshians | The Beast of Yucca Flats (r/w) | Democrat Party (r/w) | Teen Titans (r/w) | Deathstroke (r/w) | University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus (light r/w) | Who Framed Roger Rabbit (r/w) | Missouri (r/w) | Starfire | Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (r/w) | My Life as a Teenage Robot | The Police | Triumph (motorcycle) | The Magic School Bus (r/w) | Steve Harvey |


More Recently press-ganged crew | Most wanted pirates | Requested Keel Haulings | Add to stumps | Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot | Help out the land-lubbers

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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