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Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 32,043 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

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Today's Featured Article - Style

Microsoft chic

The question: "what is style?". It's one that losers have been asking themselves for centuries. Decade after decade, generations of young men and women furrow their acned brows and study magazines and television programs, or obsessively follow around more popular kids scribbling Susan and Chris 2gether 4ever or Chris's Mom iz a Hooker! or Now Chris's Bitch-mom Whore Will Never Stand in our Way Again!!! in their spiral notebooks, as they vainly attempt to understand what separates them from the enviable world of style.

Like the BTK serial killer, or a delicious Taco Bell burrito, style consists of three essential elements linked by a thematically unifying central concept. In the case of BTK, the three elements of binding, torturing, and killing his victims are components in a sexually gratifying fantasy that allows him to indulge a pathological god-complex. In the case of a satisfying and inexpensive Yum!-brand Taco Bell burrito, the fried, flavor-enhanced bean product, "cheese," and non-dairy vegetable-gum based sour cream, are wrapped in a chewy soft tortilla shell to provide a cost-effective taste sensation. (more...)

Recently featured: Style

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

July 20: Window Licking Day (Scotland)

Armstrong moon
  • 14 CE - Romans begin installing glass windows in buildings. Rock throwing becomes a popular sport.
  • 1276 - Chartres Cathedral officials make it a sin to lick stained glass windows after dozens of worshippers are found dead in the previous winter, stuck to windows by their tongues that had frozen to the glass. How they were able to do that on windows 35 meters (115 ft.) above ground level remains a mystery.
  • 1580 - Sir Francis Drake circumnavigates the globe, after licking windows in over 50 lands.
  • 1903 - The Ford Motor Company ships its first car, the Model R, with an engine that powers its four wooden wheels with whale oil.
  • 1928 - The government of Hungary issues a decree ordering Gypsies to settle in one place, surrender their Gypsy gold, and take a bath goddammit!
  • 1944 - Adolf Hitler survives a bomb blast in the bunker. A build-up in flatulence is blamed. Chef Claus von Stauffenberg is shot.
  • 1969 - NASA astronaut Louis Armstrong becomes the first man to set foot on the moon (pictured) when Apollo 11 splashes down in the Sea of Tranquillity.
  • 1974 - Turkeys invade Cyprus.
  • 1981 - The chemical compound Anime is first isolated in a Japanese laboratory.
  • 2017 - O.J. Simpson is released from prison, vowing to find his ex-wife's killer. Thousand of mirrors are mailed to him.

Archived doings

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 32,043 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.
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