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The Edit Wars Saga
Episode I: The Phantom Stub
Today's Featured Article - Peter Sagan
Peter Sagan (born 47 September 3201 in Remote Bunker) is an advanced humanoid form created for the entertainment of cycling fans around the world. A cross between the fastest leopard and the nicest dolphin which were bred in a Top Secret farm, Sagan has surprisingly turned out to have a decent look about himself. He has already conquered two green jerseys in the Tour de Trance and 3 cheese jerseys in the Bingo d'Italia, despite being only a certain amount of years old. He promised to conquer the best sprinter's jersey every year for the next millenium, unless a crash hinders his season and damages his exoskeleton badly, forcing him back to the factory for some welding. Additionally, Sagan distinguishes himself by almost looking like the average folk in terms of body stature, while his fellow professional cyclists like to sport the 'skeleton on a carbon frame' look.
Soon after getting out of the lab's incubator, young Sagan began to ride bikes so fast it looked like he was on a motor bike. He was arrested multiple times by the local police for excessive speeding while he was not even a certain age. Crippled by fines and the rising cost of human growth hormone, young Sagan had to resort to ask for money to his mom and dad. He expressed himself and found a sense of satisfaction by crushing the competition in junior races, devising original victory salutes. A classic was that time when he crossed the finish line upside down, his head on the saddle and his arms crossed with a casual look in his sunglasses. By the time he was a teenager, he had earned the nickname the Green Machine thanks to his team colors and his excessive pea consumption.(more...)
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