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Today's Featured Article - UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market

Mahmoud Abbas September 2014

SAFED, Palestine - U.S. President Barack Obama signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.

The so-called Trans-Palestinian Partnership will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the U.S. Congress in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.

It was non-alcoholic beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."

In a candid interview on Israel TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the towel on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.

The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "Hamas Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Eat bugs

June 30: Dare A Younger Sibling To Eat An Insect Day (pictured)

  • 3000 BC - Cain dares Abel to eat a scorpion. Abel does, and falls dead. Cain tries to explain it was an accident, but nobody will listen.
  • 1500 BC - Aaron dares his younger brother Moses to eat a scarab beetle. Moses does so, and the gritty taste convinces him to lead his people from Egypt.
  • 1859 - Oscar Wilde, despondent over not having a sibling to dare to eat an insect or be dared to eat an insect by, consumes an earwig.
  • 1921 - U.S. President Warren G. Harding appoints former President William Howard Taft to the Supreme Court, after Taft successfully attempts to eat a small quantitiy of mosquitoes.
  • 1959 - American actor Vincent D'Onofrio is born, paving the way to a career of acting as though he had just accepted a dare to eat a rather nasty-tasting insect.
  • 1971 - Ohio ratifies the 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, lowering the voting age to 18, and lowering the threshold at which younger siblings are no longer required to accept bug-related dares to 16.
  • 1999 - The Court of Bermuda sentences Erik Deli to death for putting mosquito paste on his younger brother's sandwhich.
  • 2011 - Teachers go to the Pub

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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