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Today's Featured Article - Medieval Marginalia

Medieval Marginalia 9

In a world without the benefit of the internet it could take decades for cat memes to circulate throughout Europe while an email could take several months to deliver - a speed surpassed by AOL as long ago as 2014. So how could news be efficiently spread to an illiterate, turnip-obsessed public? The answer was to use illustrations to convey complex ideas. Chaucer himself records the latest treatise on hamster rearing arriving in Chichester and the peasantry pouring over its sage advice even while they coughed out their intestines during the Great Scratching Sickness of 1364.

Hygiene standards were low in the Medieval World, leading to endemic dysentery and a consequent chronic paper shortage. Scribes took the sensible decision to pass on their knowledge in the spaces alongside the script of a popular self-help book of the day, The Holy Bible. The superstitious psycho-babble of this frankly bizarre publication now seems as incomprehensible as it is dated, but the wisdom of the Medieval Marginalia often hidden in its darkest corners speaks to us down the ages. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Drunken knife fight

September 30: (Formerly) Lol-iday of Italy., Get in a Drunken Knife Fight Day, Pastafarian New Year.

  • 903 BC - The Game spins itself into existence and makes you LOSE!
  • 1399 - Burt Lancaster deposed Richard Burton to become Henry IV, King of England.
  • 1452 - First printed book, the Johann Gutenberg Bible followed closely by The Girls of Gutenberg Press and The Gutenberg Bible, lingerie edition.
  • 1677 - Lol-iday was first proclaimed on the planet of Italy.
  • 1679 - The last occurance of Lol-iday, due to the forced slavery of the Umpalepuanians by Caesar.
  • 1702 - First all female orgy is held in Greece.
  • 1813 - Battle of Bárbula: Simón Bolívar defeats Santiago Bobadilla in a drunken knife fight.
  • 1911 - Sir Barnabas Poleaxe discovers Belgium
  • 1924 - World Snooker Championship played in New York for the first time, Stock Market crashes afterward.
  • 1925 - Ski-jumping was born in Lithuania.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin get caught in a Chinese thumb-trap. Reconsider global strategy and make pact of non-agression accordingly.
  • 1941 - Adolf and Joe free themselves from the thumb-trap after exactly two years. Decide ass-kicking is on the cards again.
  • 1947 - The World Series, featuring New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers, is televised for the first time.
  • 1949 - The Berlin Airlift ends after millions of cubic feet of air were successfully transported to Berlin.
  • 1955 - James Dean gets drunk, tries to get in a knife fight with oncoming car.
  • 1984 - After Earths Transit of Mars The African Republic Upper Volta Changes it's name to Mars Volta
  • 1986 - The Welsh are scientifically proven to be Charles Darwin's missing link
  • 2000 - Lol-iday is celebrated in Paris. Rioting ensues.

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  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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