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Today's Featured Article - Drake of the 99 Dragons

DrakeExplosion

Drake of the 99 Dragons is a 2003 third-person shooter video game for the Xbox and Windows. In the game, the clan of the 99 Dragons has been wiped out and the artifact they were supposed to be guarding slips into the wrong hands, while they were all distracted by being murdered. One of the clan members, Drake, doesn't let death get in the way of destiny, and returns from the grave to avenge his clan, recover the carelessly lost item, and show them that living post-mortem may present a challenge to the nostrils or finding a partner, but should not have an effect on basic guard duties.

Drake received universal acclaim, redefining the standard for great games alongside Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, released the same week. Developer Idol FX planned on making a comic book and cartoon based on it, but the game was too good to waste time letting people read or watch its great story. All in told, the games' sales made its developers even richer than Bill Gates.

The primary objective of Drake is to find those bastards who murdered your clan and shoot them in the face. To do so, the player uses a wide array of violent gut-splattering firearms. Like an Italian chef that has just has his veal cutlet returned by a customer, Drake uses the strategy of darting around and flailing his arms everywhere, then randomly shooting the nearest person without looking. (more...)

Recently featured: Drake of the 99 Dragons

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March 22: Water Day

  • 3400 BC - Citizens of Atlantis become so enamored with water that they decide to sink their island into the sea, which is principally composed of water. Mostly, kind of.
  • 338 BC - Aristotle is stunned to discover what fish do in water and swears off the stuff forever.
  • 1452 - Tired of city-state constantly fighting city-state, the Mayan Empire decides to invade itself to simplify things. It works like a charm.
  • 1745 - Water Day is officially recognized by fish for the first time; when asked why fish officials reply, "For the halibut."
  • 1801 - The myth that domesticated turkeys will drown themselves by looking up when it rains is disproved. It is also found that humans watching turkeys by standing out in the rain have a 65% chance of contracting pneumonia, but only 10% die of drowning trying to look up when its raining.
  • 1894 - Using "frozen water", the first playoff game for the Stanley Cup starts.
  • 1899 - Tired of delivering pitchers of ice water to Helen Keller's hotel room after she keeps calling them saying "wa-ter, wa-ter", hotel staff ignore her. They later find her teacher Anne Sullivan drowned in an overflowing bathtub in the locked bathroom.
  • 1941 - The state of Washington enslaves water to generate electricity using the Grand Coulee Dam.
  • 1997 - Tara Lipinski, age 14 years and 10 months, becomes the youngest champion of the women's world frozen water walking competition.
  • 1999 - Oprah drinks water on her show. Water sales triple among women.
  • 2005 - Water invades New Orleans. Congress declares war on water.
  • 2008 - Four-year-old Amanda Dinkleschmidt celebrates Water Day by giving her goldfish some water.
  • 2014 - Water now only exists in plastic bottles. Fish cope as best they can.
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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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