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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly66canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.
Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing."
It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)
Hello! My name is Lord Waltherington Spatula. You might have heard of me from either the news coverage of the tragic tram accident that lost me my arms, or the crown court trial where I was declared mentally incompetent after crashing a tram.
I see you're interested in Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. I was like you once, so very long ago. If you wish to learn as I did then there is only one way. Step forward, my lovely assistant, Oscar.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best
He's such a card. Yes that's right, it turns out rumours of Oscar's death were greatly overstated as he's here, with me, in this booth, behind these curtains where you couldn't possibly see him. So, Oscar, why don't you tell everyone what they will need to get started?
Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood(more...)
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!