Babel:Falwell

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The official Encyclopedia of Liberty University.
31,509 articles in (American) English

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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.

Jerry's Daily Sermon:

"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." Crossfire (17 May 1997)

Daily Historical Falwell Quote:

"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."

On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)

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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Trump Tower

Yesterday's Featured Article - Trump Tower

Trump Tower 3
The Trump Tower is the Manhattan headquarters of the Trump Organization and home of U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who lives with wife Melanoma in the penthouse bachelor pad. Though only the 64th tallest building in New York City, it is far better than all the others, so much better, you're going to see just how much better. It essentially is taller than all the rest. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Hippocrates, featured on 19 January 2014. See the featured version.
Cum Dumpster, featured on 19 January 2012. See the featured version.

Breaking News

Gunsandgod

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands."

On this day...

January 19: Porn day
Braile

Porn in Braille

  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys evolve opposable thumbs
  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys start to "spank the monkey"
  • 3000 BC - Egyptians invent papyrus.
  • 2999 BC - First pornographic papyrus, featuring Nefertiti. Men say they "just read it for the hieroglyphs".
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents printing press, prints Gutenberg Bible
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents a printing press capable of printing centerfolds
  • 1850 - Man invents photography
  • 1850 - First pornographic pictures.
  • 1953 - First Playboy, featuring Marilyn Monroe
  • 1953 - World suffers from a crippling shortage of hand lotion
  • 1970 - Presidential Commission on Obscenity and Pornography is convened to look into social effects of porn. After six straight weeks of reviewing pornographic materials, the members of the commission say they have come to no conclusions, and ask for six more months to study the issue.
  • 1971 - Man invents videos
  • 1971 - Man invents porn videos
  • 1971 - First porn video director becomes millionaire
  • 1982 - DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, begins research into a network that will allow porn to be transmitted even in the event of a nuclear attack. This network, ARPANET, is the precursor of the internet.
  • 1994 - Man invents world wide web
  • 1994 - Man invents porn web site
  • 1994 - First porn web site reaches 100 million hits. This is particularly impressive when you consider that only 5,000 people had web browsers at the time.
  • 2010 - Ugh that's better.
  • 2015 - The last male yak porn star dies and the month is renamed after his last partner.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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