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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly66canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
John Brown (May 9, 1800 – December 2, 1859) was an abolitionist in the United States who believed armed insurrection was the only way to correct the young nation's faults. He is notorious for his 1859 raid at Harpers Ferry, although the only abolition it achieved was the apostrophe. Following the raid, the United States abolished Brown's pulse (and, much later, slavery).
Historians memorialize Brown as a heroic martyr and a visionary, while others vilify him as a madman and a terrorist, yet another proof that inability of Americans to agree on the most basic facts did not originate with the Presidency of Donald Trump.
Brown was born in Torrington, Connecticut, the fourth of eight children. Brown himself would go on to have a litter of 20. Eleven of these survived dysentery and reached adulthood, where they mostly succumbed to their father's spotty military instincts. Brown followed his brother into the tannery trade, before branching out into the side-business of insurrections.
In 1836, Brown moved to Ohio and started another tannery, along with Zenas Kent, whose own side-business would turn out to be loaning his surname to the city. Brown built the business on state bonds, but the economic crisis of 1839 struck the western states worse than the Panic of 1837, the recession of 1836, the downturn of 1835, the bubble-bursting of 1833, and the depression of 1832. (more...)
1999 - Customer at the Grease Hut discovers a lump of belly button lint in his soup. He leaves extremely satisfied.
2004 - Iraq acknowledges having huge amounts of belly button lint hidden in secret silos.
2005 - China sues Italy for reparations for belly button lint allegedly plundered by "imperialist capitalist pig dogs" in the Middle Ages. Italian courts deny all knowledge of these so-called "Middle Ages."
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!