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Yesterday's Featured Article - Violet Jessop
Violet Constance Jessop
was a ship stewardess and nurse dubbed "Miss Unsinkable" after surviving three major ship accidents including the sinkings of RMS Titanic and HMHS Britannic. Controversy surrounds her as to whether she was a Jonah, a curse to any ship she was aboard, or someone possessing incredible luck. Survival experts argue to this day over who was the better floater: Jessop, The Unsinkable Molly Brown or your bog-standard duck. Several experts point to Jessop's floaty bits as being key to her survival. Other historians note that the first liner she left, RMS Olympic, became a remarkably adept survivor by shrugging off collisions with 3 major vessels, a torpedo attack and a hentai assault by a kraken. Further, they are of the opinion that her powers, whatever those might have been, would have qualified her to join the Golden Age version of the Justice League of America. (more...)
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Lest we forget
May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel)
- 2000 BCE - Moses opens first Piggly Wiggly supermarket with the goal of "bringin' chitterlings to all my peeps!"
- 402 BCE - The towel is invented, to protect oneself from the great LUEshi rampage.
- 14 BCE - Leeroy Jenkins declares, "At least I still have chicken."
- 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia.
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain.
- 1840 - Oscar Wilde kills Lord Byron in what was billed as the Spat in the Flat.
- 1852 - The knowledge of towel making is mysteriously lost. Pandemonium ensues for the next three decades.
- 1895 - Playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison. He comments: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine", a line later shamelessly plagarized by Obi-Wan Kenobi.
- 1936 - Hitler starts the Funky Panzer dance craze, which begins to take Europe by storm.
- 1942 - Helen G. White announces that the end of the world was postponed once again due to rain.
- 1955 - Hyenas take over french government.
- 1977 - God creates Funk.
- 1978 - And He saw it was goooooood.
- 1980 - Towels are rediscovered.
- 1982 - Pac Man Fever kills 20 million Americans in just a few weeks.
- 1987 - Marijuana becomes the most cultivated plant ever, displacing the potatoe from top one for a few weeks.
- 1993 - AB Logic are found guilty of crimes against music and are condemned to death by choking on artichokes.
- 2001 - International "Hug a Goombie" Day founded
- 2002 - Mutant Goombie children are found in a puddle. Government and other such officials blamed.
- 2003 - In the first smart move made ever by a government, governments everywhere are officially disbanded.
- 2007 - Jerry Springer attacked by trailer park midgets.
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Paddington Blair's word for today is
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.