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Today's Featured Article - Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is a 2002 American epic space opera film directed by George Lucas. It is the fifth film to be released in the Star Wars saga, the second of the prequels, the second in terms of internal chronology, and the first in terms of everyone finally admitting that the series had lost it. Set in 22 BBY, ten years after that dreadful first prequel, the galaxy is now on the brink of civil war. Under the leadership of Sith Lord Count Dracula Dooku, thousands of planetary systems threaten to secede from the Galactic Republic (yes, all at the same time). When an assassination attempt is made on Senator Padmé Amidala, whiny teen Jedi Anakin Skywalker is assigned to protect her, whilst also taking a break from his duties to learn about the ways of reproduction. His often-bitched at mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, goes on a wild goose chase investigating the assassination attempt. Our three heroes are soon drawn into the belly of the beast and the beginning of a new threat to the galaxy: the Clone Wars. (more...)

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Lest we forget

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November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day (not celebrated for some reason)

  • 200 Sex is invented.
  • 1812 - Puzzle potato officially refound. Citizens everywhere rejoice.
  • 1910 - Hekyll and Jekyll secretly meet to create the Federal Reserve System.
  • 1932 - The first time machine is successfully tested.
  • 1945 - Nazis accidentally explode nuclear bomb in Dresden. Allied air forces are subsequently blamed for mass firebombing.
  • 1952 - In Guatemala, CIA first operation gives start to a era of brutal military dictatorships sponsored by the US government in Latin America ... wait... thats not funny...
  • 1957 - The invisible wallet of gold is stolen in Manchester, England. Local swan is blamed
  • 1963 - J. F. K. accidentally assassinated by angry, confused polar bear. Polar bear plants gun on napping Lee Harvey Oswald and escapes in a get-away sled. Nobody looks into it very much.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the moon landing.
  • 1970 - The Million Cyberman March (pictured) is held in Washington, DC. Conspiracy theorists claim that it was actually a failed invasion from outer space.
  • 1983 - America's largest Tin foil hat manufacturer is shut down - at the same time as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1985 - 1985th anniversary of "Going to bed on November 21 and waking up on November 23 mysteriously" day
  • 1986 - Hands Across America is celebrated at the same time as secret evidence is presented during the Iran-Contra trial.
  • 1988 - J.F.K. zombie rises from dead and rampages across U.S. leaving hundreds slain in his wake. U.S Secretary of Wizardry David Copperfield resurrects the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to stop the monster.
  • 1989 - Remains of JFK's brain grafted into a 150ft tall, titanium, laser-eyed, nuclear-powered robot to celebrate the anniversary of his death. JFK-9000 ran amuck and was subsequently destroyed by Godzilla, who had to be flown in especially from Tokyo, Japan.
  • 1992 - Mossad agents from the future assassinate Sam Weaver in Ruby Ridge for unknown reasons.
  • 1997 - INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence debuts his hit single "Noose Sensation".
  • 1999 - CIA operatives go berserk in Columbine High School, killing 14 people including two innocent students who were subsequently blamed.
  • 2000 - Shadow Internet #1 created. Subsequent internets are created in the coming years.
  • 2000 - John Titor stops by for a chat on his way back to 2136.
  • 2001 - George W. Bush places blame on Afghanistan for Terra-ist attack 11 days earlier, when in actuality he did it in order to have an excuse to declare war.
  • 2005 - Federal Government attempt to reduce surplus population in New Orleans fails with just over 700 deaths.
  • 2006 - South Park exposes 2001 conspiracy as a conspiracy; Bush too stupid to blow up planes
  • 2007 - November 22 mysteriously wiped empty
  • 2008 - Squirrel resembling J.F.K. assasinated.
  • 2048 - The first time machine is invented.
  • 3048 - The Second time machine is invented to go retrieve the crucial parts of First Time machine which blasted in New Orleans in 2005 causing 700 deaths.
  • 55441 - John Titor never did get back.

Ye Royal Archives


Paddington Blair's word for today is
procrastination
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.

Auntie Beeb reports:

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Did you chaps know...

  • ...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

edit Do you blimey care...

  • ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?


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United Empire Loyalist of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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