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Today's Featured Article - Gramp's Insane Ramblings: Life Lessons

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Dear unwanted, ungrateful bastard who I didn't want to raise but still did because abortion was still against the law when you were born.

Well, you know I don't have long for this world. That's why I'm gonna tell you everything I learned about life. I expect you will read this to your kids for me, otherwise you won't get any of my damn life insurance money. Understand ya little bastard? Good.

First off, your mother is a slut. She just finished having sex with with Horatio. You know, he's that Mexican fucker down the hall (You met him when you first brought me here.). In fact, all women are sluts. I'm quite tempted to include a crudely drawn illustration to prove my point, but I don't have the crayons to draw it with. Instead, I'll just tell you all women are sluts. If I remember to get some crayons when I go to the store later, I'll draw it out for you. But no guarantees. I'm not a fucking Wal-Mart store, dammit! In fact, they fired me... Said I was the worse greeter since Dick Cheney worked there... Apparently touching women's breasts as they entered is classified as "sexual harassment", nowadays. Back in my day, it was impolite not to cop-a-feel. How I long for the 50s! Back then, the only women on television were housewives who weren't allowed to have jobs. Too bad those days are gone.

(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

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Store and Design of the Month
Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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To be completely honest,
I didn't get those awards.