The question: "what is style?". It's one that losers have been asking themselves for centuries. Decade after decade, generations of young men and women furrow their acned brows and study magazines and television programs, or obsessively follow around more popular kids scribbling Susan and Chris 2gether 4ever or Chris's Mom iz a Hooker! or Now Chris's Bitch-mom Whore Will Never Stand in our Way Again!!! in their spiral notebooks, as they vainly attempt to understand what separates them from the enviable world of style.
Like the BTK serial killer, or a delicious Taco Bell burrito, style consists of three essential elements linked by a thematically unifying central concept. In the case of BTK, the three elements of binding, torturing, and killing his victims are components in a sexually gratifying fantasy that allows him to indulge a pathological god-complex. In the case of a satisfying and inexpensive Yum!-brand Taco Bell burrito, the fried, flavor-enhanced bean product, "cheese," and non-dairy vegetable-gum based sour cream, are wrapped in a chewy soft tortilla shell to provide a cost-effective taste sensation. (more...)
July 21 National Fight Day (UK), Belgium Awareness Day
58 BCE - Julius Caesar becomes aware of the Belgae when an arrow flies past his head. His legions make short work of their 10,000-strong army, spotted all hiding behind the one rock in all of Belgica, the highest point in the entire region.
1066 - Fight Day established by humans; "You do not talk about Fight Day," proclaims the King, shortly before being impaled on a sword by Normans.
1298 - Battle of Falskirt: Edward Longlegs defeats Mel Gibson's Scottish hooligans in a poker game.
1447 - The snack industry falters as everyone is too busy fighting everone else to take a break.
1949 - The United States ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty, officially enacting a truce with the hostile North Atlantic Ocean that would be honored until sea otters invade Boston in 1977.
1958 - The elusive and mysterious pond whale(pictured) is first described in scientific literature.
1977 - Sea otters invade Boston; Fulton Fish Market is devastated. Land and air otters join the fight.
2006 - The first in a wildly successful series of prison journals is published on Uncyclopedia.
2007 - "Celebrating Fight Day may increase your risk of getting into a fight" says a statistician after completing a 30-year research program.