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Dog (Canis lupus familiaris or Canis familiaris) are domesticated canids that have been selectively bred for millennia to play ‘ball’, ‘find it’, round up groups of stupid wooley white animals and bury bones. Their physical anatomy is specifically designed for sniffing hedges, chasing small round yellow bouncy things or car wing mirrors, tail wagging and barking, with recovery periods required to be taken lying upside-down on sofas, or hairy rugs by a nice warm fire.

Dogs are the most diverse species on earth, ranging from small argumentative ratters, to giant hounds that prefer to take a quieter, more philosophical approach to dealing with other dogs or animals. Dogs have a wide variety of jobs, including frisbee-catchers, woodland explorers, stick rescuers and street patrollers. Some dogs are employed to sit on laps, whereas others work in the fashion industry as handbag accessories.

There are many dog celebrities, such as Lassie and Spot. Laika was the world's first astronaut[1] and Spuds the bull terrier is the face of Budweiser. (more...)

Did you know...

*...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ...that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
  • ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?

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On this day...

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April 24: The Feast of Maximum Occupancy, Zombie Jesus Day (Christians and Eggnogstics)
  • 33 - Zombie Jesus rises from his tomb and partially devours the brains of his apostles, resulting in most of the inane ramblings in The New Testament.
  • 89 - Pope Clement I celebrates the first Zombie Jesus Day by decreeing that people consume copious amounts of high cholesterol in the form of chocolate and painted chicken embryos.
  • 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
  • 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
  • 1856 - The word 'chairman' is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as 'A person with a proclivity to stand sitting'.
  • 1862 - The Amerikan Sivil Whar on spelling begins, the letter u in color being the first victim.
  • 1981 - IBM create the first known evil computer.
  • 1982 - IBM reveals computer wasn't "evil", it was just running a Microsoft operating system.
  • 1984 - Apple builds the world's first do-nothing computer.
  • 1986 - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • 2000 - Fat-free chips withdrawn from supermarket shelves in the UK due to risk of intestinal implosion.
  • 2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full." Congress approves bypass for Haitian boatpeople to row to Canada.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • Today - You eat too much food and spend five hours on the toilet thinking of Uncyclopedia jokes.

Today's featured husky

BloodyCanadians

NOBODY EXPECTS THE BLOODY CANADIANS!

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