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Did you know...

*...that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!

In the news

On this day...

Santa Baby

December 25: Democratic People's Republic of Korea Day (Worldwide) / Santa Claus's birthday / Chrismukhah / Decemberween / Wintereenmas

  • 0 - Some Assholes decide to make a day to sell a bunch of shit.
  • 0.5 - Our Saviour, Chuck Norris, is born.
  • 1 - God tells some dudes (Via Angel) to go to some city and wait for a child. The dudes do this (Both named Adam and Eve) and give birth to Bob Geldoff. God becomes irate and destroys the universe.
  • 3 - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks God, creating Jesus
  • 10 - Jesus grew up, and realised that he was the Messiah.
  • 31 - The birth of Santa Claus.
  • 1776 - George Washington crosses the Delaware to conduct a sneak attack on the British. The event is later immortalized in the first issue of Action Comics.
  • 1776 - Tremendous backup on the Scudder Falls Bridge on I-95 going from Pennsylvania into New Jersey as George Washington's motorcade travels from last-minute gift-buying at the shopping malls of King of Prussia, near Valley Forge, to find a smoke-free restaurant in Trenton for their Christmas dinner.
  • 1856 - 1856 invented for living purposes.
  • 1902 - Santa decides to go on holiday to Amsterdam.
  • 1902 - Santa, whilst high, dresses in green and goes to Finland. Sadly, the colour catches on.
  • 1916 - Whilst strolling through France on a crisp Christmas morning, the Brits have a quick game of footie against the Germans. However, this quickly transforms into a friendly game of rough and tumble. Over a million were killed.
  • 1967 - Earth forgets what day it is.
  • 1985 - Hindus celebrate Christmas.
  • 1993 - Jews around the world decide to go to the movies.
  • 1994 - Atheist children receive gifts.
  • 1996 - Christmas is cancelled to mark the death of Screech from Saved by the Bell.
  • 2005 - George Bush officially renames Christmas as Bushmas to honour his war against grammar.
  • 2006 - In Finland, Santa still depicted in green. Rest of the world still confused.
  • 2008 - Santa is charged with kidnapping children and taking them to his grotto. He is soon released with the help of Michael Jackson's lawyers.
  • 2009 - Christmas cancelled after Santa Claus files for bankruptcy.
  • 2010 - Santa shoots redneck hick with his own gun in self-defence. He is arrested under the charges of trespassing, and sentenced to 5673 years of slave labour, after others complain about his trespassing.

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Kevin Costner's follow up to the moderately successful Dances with Wolves was not the big hit that Hollywood Producers had been hoping for...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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