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Today's featured paragraph
Did you know...
|*...that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
In the news
On this day...
December 25: Democratic People's Republic of Korea Day (Worldwide) / Santa Claus's birthday / Chrismukhah / Decemberween / Wintereenmas
- 0 - Some Assholes decide to make a day to sell a bunch of shit.
- 0.5 - Our Saviour, Chuck Norris, is born.
- 1 - God tells some dudes (Via Angel) to go to some city and wait for a child. The dudes do this (Both named Adam and Eve) and give birth to Bob Geldoff. God becomes irate and destroys the universe.
- 3 - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks God, creating Jesus
- 10 - Jesus grew up, and realised that he was the Messiah.
- 31 - The birth of Santa Claus.
- 1776 - George Washington crosses the Delaware to conduct a sneak attack on the British. The event is later immortalized in the first issue of Action Comics.
- 1776 - Tremendous backup on the Scudder Falls Bridge on I-95 going from Pennsylvania into New Jersey as George Washington's motorcade travels from last-minute gift-buying at the shopping malls of King of Prussia, near Valley Forge, to find a smoke-free restaurant in Trenton for their Christmas dinner.
- 1856 - 1856 invented for living purposes.
- 1902 - Santa decides to go on holiday to Amsterdam.
- 1902 - Santa, whilst high, dresses in green and goes to Finland. Sadly, the colour catches on.
- 1916 - Whilst strolling through France on a crisp Christmas morning, the Brits have a quick game of footie against the Germans. However, this quickly transforms into a friendly game of rough and tumble. Over a million were killed.
- 1967 - Earth forgets what day it is.
- 1985 - Hindus celebrate Christmas.
- 1993 - Jews around the world decide to go to the movies.
- 1994 - Atheist children receive gifts.
- 1996 - Christmas is cancelled to mark the death of Screech from Saved by the Bell.
- 2005 - George Bush officially renames Christmas as Bushmas to honour his war against grammar.
- 2006 - In Finland, Santa still depicted in green. Rest of the world still confused.
- 2008 - Santa is charged with kidnapping children and taking them to his grotto. He is soon released with the help of Michael Jackson's lawyers.
- 2009 - Christmas cancelled after Santa Claus files for bankruptcy.
- 2010 - Santa shoots redneck hick with his own gun in self-defence. He is arrested under the charges of trespassing, and sentenced to 5673 years of slave labour, after others complain about his trespassing.
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