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*...that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?

In the news

On this day...

StMasturbusDay

June 26: St. Masturbus' day

  • 4.5 million BC - Morgan Freeman created a planet full of dinausaur and asians from his diarrhea
  • 1 million BC - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
  • 1856 BC - Black people start writing.
  • 1855 BC - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
  • 1854 BC - Yellow people begin Astronomy.
  • 1853 BC - White people start painting their arses blue.
  • 1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
  • 1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the saintity of St. Dildo.
  • 1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping Hot Pies are soon outlawed.
  • 1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
  • 1721 - Cthulhu invents Christmas II.
  • 1927 - The Cyclone roller coaster opens on Coney Island
  • 1928 - A cyclone comes to Coney Island and completely destroys it.
  • 1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous "Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter" speech.
  • 1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax, that, in an ironical twist of destiny, would kill him exactly 24 years later.
  • 2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a Giant Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
  • 2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU
  • 2017 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.

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Sir Norman du Pitkin, Clown Prince of Albania was at the forefront of the philisophical teachings following the Norman Invasion.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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