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Today's Featured Article - Bisto
Bisto is a popular meat-related drink and/or food stuff brewed and consumed primarily in the United Kingdom. Bisto was invented by mathematician and engineer Frank Bisto in 1826 as a bubble-bath moisturiser for his elderly mother Edith Bisto. Now replaced with products such as Matey, half a pint of Bisto (then called Bisto’s Edible Bath-Time Ointment) was diluted into a bathtub of hot water creating a thick, brown, nourishing gloop in which his mother would sit and be recharged.
The Bisto family are famous for many achievements. Below are some notable members of their empire:Sir. William Bisto is the current CEO of Bisto Inc. He has successfully turned the company’s fortunes around since the great economic crash of 1978 (in which Bisto’s share value dropped significantly) and the company now operates on a profit of over 1.2 billion GBP per annum. Frank Bisto is attributed with the invention of the original bath time ointment and subsequent meat-related drink we all know and cherish. Robert Bistois known about Bob Bisto, or ‘The Great Bob Bisto’, in only that he was a ringmaster and a notorious slaver who ran his famous travelling circus: ‘The Great Bisto’s Wonderful Circus’ during Victorian times. His gravestone was recently excavated after being discovered next to Westminster Abbey. (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Mini
The Mini eats other low budget trundlemobiles for breakfast. Reliant Robins? On toast with beans. Austin Allegros? Mostly fried. Ford Granadas? Well, not really because it's on a diet. Driven almost exclusively by the very tall, the Mini is, like London, made entirely of Lego and resides in the garages of Highbury, Greater Paris. On weekends it sits in Kent but between 7PM and 4AM it mainly stands due to the lack of free seats. The only people who drive Minis are females (if you see a man in one, it's a shemale) with the exception of Mr. Bean (apart, of course, from weekends).
The Mini is incredibly safe. In actual fact, less people were killed during construction of Minis than by errant meteorite in the year 1997. Furthermore, the Mini has killed more crimininmininals (yes, that is how you spell crimininmininals) through fatal brake faults than any other vehicle, making the streets safe for regular, law-abiding city zens. Now that's impressive.
The Mini is fast: so fast, it is faster than a slug. And that's a souped-up Cuban speed slug we're talking about here, not just your run-of-the-mill garden type. However it is in no way as fast as John Prescott at a wedding party when the DJ announces that the buffet is open. (more...)
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- ...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ...that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
edit History Channel
- 1871 - Oscar Wilde famously declares: "working is the scourge of the drinking classes."
- 1900 - Ferdinand von Zeppelin perfects his lighter-than-air dirigible.
- 1922 - Membership in the Royal Society in Greater Hamptonsonfordshireborough Upon Newcastle reaches its peak.
- 1940 - Chuck Norris is born, meanwhile the US has yet to enter WWII
- 1957 - Osama Bin Laden is born on Chuck Norris's 17th birthday
- 1962 - Dr. Kyle Charles Finnegan runs into his first episode of legal issues after endorsing Goldbond's Medicated Powder featuring TapewormsTM.
- 1963 - Chuck Norris's first child is born, meanwhile, Your Mom is probably not born yet
- 1984 - Washed Up 70's Rock Band releases Ill-Advised Album in what many feel is the beginning of a decline in music quality.
- 1973 - Astronomers discover rings on Uranus
- 1990 - Chuck Norris turns 50, to celebrate, he invents a new form martial arts named after himself
- 2005 - Chuck Norris qualifies for Medicare and Social Security
- 2008 - The economy, like, totally starts taking a nosedive.
- 2011 - Chuck Norris turns 71, officially declared "Hella Old"
- 2017 - Dick Cheney dies, leaving Satan out of a job.
edit Articles from today's Daily Hostage Negotiator
- Giving you the lowdown on ants (pictured)
edit Other cool sites
Cracker Jack | Top 100 things we learn from the movies | After Burner | Liberals | Christy Turlington | RationalWiki (rw)| Windjammer | Absurdity | WikiHeaven | Out Run | Bob Dole | Kings of Leon | 9/11 (rw) | Unsolved problems in physics | Fracking | Cheka | Etiquette | Television | Moruga Scorpion Chili | Usenet | Max Planck | Batman (Movies) | Marilyn Manson (rw) | Shadow the Hedgehog (new) | Tour de France | Pump Clip | Retard | Spreck | Bisto | Yiff |
David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs.
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