Babel:2007

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Today's featured article

Today's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power? Not much! That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power? Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power. I'd love to hear more about power! Of course you would!

Power is as old as the human race itself, the earliest humans had a great deal of power. It is often said that almost every single male human had power, wild ungovernable power! As humans spread across the globe their power began to diminish.Why?

The machinations of fate! Many lost touch with that, which they should have held dear, they believed that they could cope without power, some even argued that a lack of power was better. However, in Ancient Egypt the Pharaohs recognised power and sought to limit those amongst their populace who could possess it, while simultaneously seeking to contain and control their own power lest it be used for evil. It is widely accepted, by everyone who matters, that the Pharaoh's of Ancient Egypt wielded power more gracefully than any other civilisation to date, however this was not to last. Amenemhat III, the last ruler of the middle kingdom of Egypt scoffed at the idea of power and, despite the pleas of his closest advisers, many of whom tried to show him the advantages of having power, he attempted to rule without it.

It came as no surprise to anybody when the fields flooded, the harvest failed, the economy collapsed and the bedrock of Egyptian society crumbled. All because of power. The Ancient Greeks sought to reclaim power for the masses by insisting that everybody have power and their society flourished as a result. Hippocrates wielded great power, Aristotle arguably wielded even more and Socrates probably wielded the most. You stood out a mile in Ancient Greece without power, not to mention the fact you looked ridiculous. (more...)

Recently featured: Power - Sex scene

Yesterday's Featured Article - Sex scene

Sexscene1

Sex scenes in films is what it is all about really. Forget the rest of the movie, the special effects, fancy dialogue and the locations, what people really want to watch is vigorous, on-screen humping. Even in war movies or animation have subliminal sex splattered all over them. And I won't even bother talking about men stroking their guns in 'Thin Red Line' or super heroes running around in multi-coloured caps and condoms.

What we all want to know is 'are they really doing it?'. A sex scene can be found in a movie, book or television show. It may include explicit sex (as in pornography) or it may only be suggestive of "real" sex, however; as a rule, it is better sex than you have ever had - or ever likely to have. If you have had better sex than that which is depicted in the scene, it is most likely not a real sex scene - it is probably just something weird you get off on.

Sex scenes are often used to get underage minors to watch movies with an "R" rating. Often, the two (or more) people in a sex scene don't like each other, but are just doing it because they are paid to moan and wriggle when a fat slob in a director's chair tells them to. And if it is a real pornographic film, that ugly bloke you always see? - yes that's the producer getting his money shots..but that is more sex obscene.

Film makers are not dumb. They know sex scenes in movies increase profits by up to 7 billion percent but really, when was the last you had sex and said: "Wow! This is just like the movies..."

Yeah, thought so.(more...)

Did you know...

*...that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?

In the news

Mario nude.JPG



On this day...

Seacrest-out

BOI-OI-OIIIING!!!

January 25: Januarymas - Happy Januarymas everyone!, Winter-een-mas begins

  • 1754 - Oscar Wilde's first stupid idea.
  • 1759 - Robert Burns decides to celebrate Januarymas. Thousands of Scotch get drunk off product of same name.
  • 1994 - Last airplane crash caused by Oscar Wilde.
  • 1990 - Magic Leprechaun starts accumulating knowledge.
  • 1992 - Steve Ballmer begins his wrath upon all.
  • 2005 - Carson Daly beats the crap out of Dick Clark in the middle of Times Square. ABC, frantic, quickly replaces Clark with noted gaydar Ryan Seacrest, and Ryan Seacrest's "Dick Clark's January's Rockin' Mas" is a modest hit with target audiences. No word on Brian Dunkleman, though.
  • 2008 - Ryan Seacrest finally comes out of his closet after 2 years of looking for that stylish Versace waistcoat.
  • 2015 -The Canadians attack the newly established Baby Seal military base just outside Toronto.
  • 2101 - "For græt justice!" becomes a catch phrase.
  • 2103 - It is discovered that Heath ledger faked his death and went to live with elvis presley, he dies for real today.

Today's featured picture

CthulhuReadyForHoliday

"Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus."

Image Credit: Some user
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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