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Today's Featured Article - RAF Packington

Exit sign

Royal Air Force Station Packington (RAF Packington) is a top secret military establishment in the English County of Staffordshire. It is home to the UK's stockpile of Weapons of Mass Distraction (WMDs). Packington is currently under the steely command of Group Captain Johnny "Nimrod" Hunter-Harrier DFC JPA QDJM. RAF Packington started off in 1826 as a pork-and-mustard factory run by local pink industrialist Jeremiah Gottmein-Himmel, who leased the site to the burgeoning Royal Scottish Air force (RSAF) who needed to establish a grass runway emergency landing strip (GREMLIN) for their aircraft returning from the disastrous First Porridge War against Kent. This saw the permanent loss of SRAF Branston, now Kent International Airport. Branston fell into disrepair and is now home to the Defence Fire and Risk Taking Organisation who regularly set fire to aeroplanes to scare the living daylights out of weary passengers on their final approach to KIA. This is an unfortunate acronym as it also abbreviates "Killed in action"

Gottmein-Himmel was an unpopular character and was notorious for hurling complex obscenities such as "puke up ya clunge" and "piss up a pole, fuck-stick," a habit that later became the basis of the character Timmy the Rude Kid in the 20th century comic Viz. Ill health befell him as a consequence of existing on a diet of Irn Bru, vodka and cider mixed in 5-litre plastic flagons and marketed as Kremlin Smash. He died alone in abject poverty, though his life is commemorated by the annual Pancake Races in Bore Street, Lichfield. One of Gottmein-Himmels final acts was to throw eggs and flour at the local magistrates court building, Griddle house. (more...)

Recently featured: RAF Packington - Accountant

Yesterday's Featured Article - Accountant

Adriana Lima 45

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured The Yardbirds, featured on 20 April 2012. See the featured version.
People Who Like to Fuck Naked, featured on 20 April 2011. See the featured version.
Giant Jew Band, featured on 20 April 2010. See the featured version.
Ingmar Bergman, featured on 20 April 2009. See the featured version.

DID Y0U KN0W...

Gadams

IN 7H3 N3W5

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Weedpile

April 20: Hitler's Birthday (Germany), International Marijuana Day (Countries that use the M/D/Y date)

  • 420 - Thousands of marijuana users get throughly ripped as a once-in-a-lifetime numerical coincidence coincidentifies with a 75-times-in-a-lifetime num...where was I?
  • 571 - Cassius Clay born; later changes name to Muhammad, hails himself as "greatest prophet of all time, baby!"
  • 1607 - White settlers arrive at Jamestown, find nothing of value except some inedible, brown leaves and some equally inedible brown people, so they go home.
  • 1792 - France declares war on itself and surrenders.
  • 1814 - The War of 1812 begins, two years behind schedule.
  • 1889 - Adolf Hitler, perhaps best known for his genocide of the Jews brilliant artwork, is born.
  • 1889 - Adolf Hilter is certainly not born.
  • 1943 - France so despises Vichy Government that they do nothing to overthrow.
  • 1991 - A Very Brady Easter premires; Alice crucified to the songs of the Lovin Spoonful.
  • 1993 - Al Gore invents the Environment
  • 1994 - A fireworks display in Oklahoma City goes horribly wrong; bystander blamed and later executed.
  • 1999 - Columbine high school opens the very first high school shooting range in the United States.
  • 2007 - Cho Seung-Hui is welcomed in Hell. Even Satan is not amused.
  • 2008 - Hitler given a Cookie Monster shirt by Jim Henson for his birthday.
  • 2012 - The largest Marijuana festival is held in San Francisco, California with as many as a billion pot smokers attended
  • 2014 - The time code was discovered and the code is 3.141592653589793238462643383279

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Vadersegway2

Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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