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Today's Featured Article - Shanty town

A shanty town...

Greetings everyone and my name is Bob Smiles! I am a business man currently living in a shanty town and I would like to tell you that they are the BEST TOWNS EVER!!! I mean, you have everything you want in there! Including your essential roof! It has lots of holes so when the rain comes, you get a free shower! How cool is that? And that's not all.

You have free toilet paper! Ever stumbled upon a couple of rags on the ground? Wait, fuck that, they're not rags, they're awesome good quality toilet paper! Rub it on your backside and it gives you a soothing comfortable feeling! Sometimes, it may give you a little squelch, which is probably those dead insects being crushed under your backside which is probably just the awesome quality's side effects! Cool right?

Still not convinced? The rooms come in cheap prices! You don't need to cross bridges because they already have a big rubbish dump in the river for you to walk on! That just shows us how considerate our President is! Isn't he awesome?

I can see you having second thoughts about this. But don't leave! Not yet! I still have a load of things to talk about with you! You might change your mind, you know... (more...)

Recently featured: Shanty town

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Why?:Shoot the albatross, featured on 26 February 2014. See the featured version.
Somalia, featured on 26 February 2012. See the featured version.

DID Y0U KN0W...

Pennylamp2

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Portrait

February 26: Famous Last Words day

  • 123 BC - "To the ASSHOLE!" - Alexander the Gay
  • 37 AD - "Wha..." -- Jesus, on cross
  • 433 - "...." -- John Cage
  • 666 - "Pity me." -- Satan (on Mr.T)
  • 777 - "AAA" - AAA
  • 1332 - "What's my name?" -- Anonymous , his only sentences that didn't yet quote !!!!!
  • 1881 - "Who is it , Who is it" -- Billy the Kid
  • 1900 - "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." -- Oscar Wilde
  • 1900 - "As much as I hate him, Oscar is right. I would not want to change a thing." -- Mark Twain
  • 1920 - "It can't end like this. Tell them I said something." -- Pancho Villa is hit by history's most unfortunately-timed case of writer's block.
  • 1939 - "This is absurd ! This is absurd !" -- Sigmund Freud , after reading Waiting for Godot 1,111 times.
  • 1939 - "No! Mine are more absurd than this crap." -- Albert Camus , in reply to Sigmund (MotherF*cker) Freud refered that his works are more absurd.
  • 1939 - "Who care about absurdity , Hell are others." -- Jean Paul Sartre , in reply to Albert Camus
  • 1939 - "I am dying. Please...bring me a toothpick." -- Fred, after reading Waiting for Godot 99,999 times
  • 1939 - "See! This one is more absurd that you two !!" -- Jean Paul Sartre , awaken from his grave to make some last words and then sleep again.
  • 1945 - "Later, suckas!" -- Adolf Hitler, in his muthafuckin' bunker, yo.
  • 1945 - "Peace out, bitches!" -- Jozef Goebbels comin' at you live, also from A to the D to the Hizzle's concrete crib, yo.
  • 1955 - "Watah.......Wahtah" -- Helen Keller
  • 1960 - "Shaken , not St..." -- James BonBon, on being shaken to death by a bar owner before he can finish his Martini.
  • 1967 - "I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man." -- Che Guevara, where 'only going to kill a man' mean that he'll be later revived as zombie and sticker-tags.
  • 1989 - "Doh!" - Homer Simpson
  • 1999 - "Chuck Norris who?" - Some guy about to find out
  • 2000 - HOLD MY BEER WATCH THIS.... - Unknown
  • 1999 - "Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here." -- Nostradamus, his only one prediction that came true.
  • 2006 - "And this rope is of shitty quality!" -- Saddamn complaining his ass into his grave.
  • 2007 - "This is an Arrow!" -- Spartan Guy from Horrible movie
  • 2007 - "Snort..snort....snoooooorrrttttt!" - Some guy about to OD on Kitten Huffing.
  • 2008 - "Phdugy'dufc eibgs'ghib kuikhigihdmvgh's" -- Cthulhu
  • 2111 - "Hey Hey , My My... whatever, I'm going to die!!!" -- Neil Young
  • 2175 - "I'm dying...so that I'm not going to live anymore." -- Captain Obvious
  • 2175 - "Am I Dying? Really? What are "last words" anyway?" -- Captain Oblivious
  • 2345 - "What's this button do???" -- George W. Bush the 7th
  • 2456 - "WarniT!" -- Jesus Goffer
  • The End of Everything - "Sorry for the inconvenience" God
  • 1969-"This is one small step for HOLY...!"--Neil Armstrong

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Jesus on raptor

Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account.
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image Credit: Tshell
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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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