Blue Screen of Death
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Play the web version, free of charge! >>
| Blue Screen of Death | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 | |||
| Publisher | Microsoft | ||
| Release Date | August 24th, 1995 | ||
| Latest Stable Release | None at the time | ||
| Genre(s) | Puzzle/Horror | ||
| Mode(s) | Single player | ||
| Platform(s) | Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows NT, Windows ME, Windows 2000... (see complete listing) | ||
| Support status | Currently active | ||
The Blue Screen of Death (abbreviated BSoD), also known as The Blue Screen of Doom, the "Blue Screen of Fun", "Phatul Exception: The WRECKening" is a multi award-winning game first developed in 1995 by Microsoft. Along with HTTP 404 - File Not Found, a hugely successful epic Internet MMORPG also developed by Microsoft, the Blue Screen of Death ranks among the greatest computer games of all time. The game simulates a "system error" and displays a series of nonsensical hexadecimal codes for the player to decipher. Since its initial release as an easter egg in the Windows Franchise, BSoD has maintained its position as the most played computer game ever, and is a cornerstone of Microsoft.
| Contents |
[edit] Origins
The Blue Screen of Death was a concept that Bill Gates had spent a lifetime dreaming about, ever since he fainted after looking at a naked woman and saw nothing but blue, this inspired him. His vision was for every home and office to have every screen as a blue screen, but unfortunately, due to the limitations of MS-DOS and the limitations of video cards in the early 1980's, the screen had to be black. The Blue Screen of Death was originally called "The Black Death" and was so named because it was designed to rapidly spread like the great plague of London. The Blue Screen of Death was an easter egg hidden within Windows operating systems, but later was released as an extra feature included in Windows XP SP2 Edition. The introduction of the VGA color system allowed version 2 to be blue and that is when the name we know today, the "Blue Screen of Death" was born. BSoD was originally going to be sold as standalone retail software, but Microsoft had to change its plans due to concerns that profits made from the sale would exceed the total amount of money that could be held on all the banks computers which were running Windows 3.1 at the time. This would cause a major crash in Microsoft's bank balance. In July of 1994, with the highly anticipated release of Windows 95 still over a year away, Microsoft executive Charles Simonyi had a vision of including the new game for free with the still-hypothetical operating system, figuring that this would cause a major sales boost and would coincide with the all the banks computers being swapped out for a Macintosh to handle the increase in revenue. He decided to include a highly conceptual game which—differing from Microsoft mainstays like Solitaire, Minesweeper and Failing a Network Connection—would actually decide itself when it was to be played.
Years later in an MSNBC interview, Simonyi recalled that the game was "a bit like Russian Reversal" in which "the game, as if it were played in Soviet Russia, is more like the game you're playing is you... are... the game is you... are playing... this is more difficult to explain than I thought."
Later in the interview, Simonyi admitted that his decision to include the game in the Operating System was fueled not by a desire for more innovative gameplay, but simply to prove that in a corporation with 70,000 employees, Bill Gates does not make each decision the public finds unpalatable.
[edit] Developing the Game
In the year leading up to the release of Windows 95, Simonyi toiled to get his dream released. Inspired by the initial success of its MS-DOS single-player RPG predecessors "Bad command or file name" and "Abort, Retry, Fail?", Simonyi decided that future games should paralyze the entire computer, forcing the player to restart his PC during the course of the game so as to enhance the element of realism and active player-involvement in the game. In the first six months, he divided his time between sleeping, taking vacations, collecting massive paychecks, worrying about being "too rich", donating several thousand dollars to a random charity, spending several weeks demanding recognition for said donation, yelling at the TV whenever a rich Russian got into space, correcting mispronunciations of his last name, and living a far, far more extraordinary life than you ever will. Then, via E-mail, he told his assistant to hire some guys.
The newly formed group of programmers (unofficially dubbed "Inadvertent Games", but who have been given other monikers far too impolite to publish here) set about to fulfill Simonyi's dream. And another six months and 46,000 kernel add-ons later, the game was revealed to the public.
[edit] Reception
The Blue Screen of Death was an instant success the moment it hit the shelves, exceeding all expectations of Microsoft market analysts and freelance Wired "journalists". The Bureau of Convenient But Factually Replete Statistics (BCBFRS) estimated that at least 250,000 Windows users played at least 6 non-concurrent games of BSoD within a week of purchasing the system and that another 140,000 users played the game in the middle of system installation. As news of the popularity of the game spread through the Microsoft offices, developers were quick to release game patches to the public which varied the frequency of BSoD puzzles, as well as the difficulty of deciphering the hexadecimal error messages contained within them.
[edit] Windows 98: A New Way To BSoD
Despite the frequency with which these patches were released, Windows users finding themselves hungry for more opportunities to play BSoD and the some of the later patches released actually had users playing the game less. It occurred, to one of Simonyi's assistants, that a new operating system would have to be made to fill this need.
It so happens that meanwhile, Microsoft's Chief Media Analyst Pølski Fakenameovich was also lobbying for a new Windows release. Fakenameovich, relying heavily on data from the BCBFRS, believed that the public was clamoring for a new Windows operating system, and so delivered a rousing speech to Microsoft Executives' administrative assistants. "What the public needs, he theorized, "is an operating system which looks like Windows 95... but which performs like Windows 95." But despite his strong words, exaggerated hand gestures, and promise of free drinks (bottom or mid-shelf only) to anyone who listened to his full speech, the speech fell on deaf ears. It also fell on the ears of people in the room who could hear, because they were more cautious than Ernie around bottle rockets. Disheartened but resolute, Fakenameovich continued his work until a chance meeting changed his life forever.
[edit] The Chance Meeting Alluded To
Fakenameovich confided in Simonyi's assistant his difficulties with the current Windows operating system and she mentioned that Simonyi too was having reservations about Windows 95, or that at least she perceived that he was, since he had complained that he was four strokes over par the previous week, and couldn't figure out what was screwing his game up.
Emboldened by the news and half-numb from the slap he had just received, Fakenameovich furiously typed out an e-mail to the unhomely Microsoft executive. He reiterated the words exchanged (mostly) between himself and Simonyi's assistant and addressed his belief in a need for a completely new operating system which was totally the same. A week later, Fakenameovich got his response:
I'm in Bali. Do whatever the fuck you want.
XO,
Charlie
With that, Fakenameovich teamed up with the Inadvertent Games group and the project was under way.
[edit] BSoD Integration
The integration between Windows 95 and the Blue Screen of Death was heralded by Rolling Stone Magazine's Greil Marcus as "a seamless integration between operating system, and game which the operating system has commanded I play" in an issue which also heralded the movie Evita as "not that bad", but they were right about the former. The handling of BSoD on Windows 98 is widely viewed as "the best" yet and in 1999 BSoD was even more widely played by computer users everywhere.
[edit] Windows 2000 & Beyond
The release of Windows 2000 marked a slowing in development for BSoD. With the rise of the internet, Windows users were now tempted to cheat, and find out what the fatal exception error hexadecimals meant and with this wealth of information began the Great Numberology Depression of 2001. BSoD was being phased out in favor of Windows 2000's newly packaged game: Security Flaws and Windows XP's blockbuster sequel "Click the X on the speech bubble that comes out of the start bar". However, new technology, old software and the proliferation of blinking lights assures that BSoD's history has yet to be written.
[edit] Possible Future Multiplayer Support
Ever since its first release, Microsoft has promised to release a future version of BSoD with mutiplayer capabilities over the Internet. Beginning with Windows XP and 2000, Microsoft released a windowed, as opposed to the normal full-screen, version of BSoD. The signature blue screen was replaced with a Windows error dialog box masquerading as Windows Error Reporting, whereby Windows connects the user to the Microsoft database in a convincing but ultimately fictitious attempt to archive the error for future reference. The Microsoft error report database is actually a server with a 128 byte hard drive to reduce the complaints they get thus raising their satisfaction levels. Windows help made it so that people with little to no experience with computers could fix their simple computer errors in a record breaking time usually no less than 10 hours.
At present the only BSoD multi-player feature supported is the Hot Seat, whereby two players share a computer, taking turns each time to see who can generate more BSoDs in the space of five minutes.
[edit] Sequel
As a response to the success of Blue Screen of Death, its much anticipated sequel, Red Screen of Death made its debut in Windows Vista as part of the Games for Windows suite. It is more difficult to play than BSoD, and at this time, only runs under Windows Vista. An unofficial patch has been in development to allow RSoD to run under Windows XP and other versions of Windows. Gameplay is similar to BSoD, however, it can only be launched during the system boot-up sequence. This means that players can only play RSoD by either rebooting, or playing BSoD first.
[edit] How to Play BSoD
The rules for BSoD are elegantly simple. Unlike most standard computer games, where players launch a computer game to play, BSoD is unique in that the game itself determines when it should be played. Hence to play BSoD, one should use the computer as normal, preferably while working on important documents on Microsoft Office applications without saving your work. It is known that such "pre-game" preparation would enhance the players excitement and enjoyment upon encountering a BSoD. BSoD-enhancing applications, typically those which consume a lot of system resources such as Battlefield 2142 or Half-Life 2 have also been known to increase the likelihood of a BSoD appearance but most players prefer to start the game by creating a long Microsoft Word document. The game has also been known to start even if in the absence of active use of the computer, which is of course, not as exciting.
Once you see the screen, the game has begun, and that means that you have to try to decipher a bunch of random error codes that everybody but you know the meaning of! The objective is to try to fix the BSoD and not let it frustrate you to the point of just quitting! Upon the game's beginning, BSoD players are expected to stare at the screen with their head in their hands, trying to remember the last time they saved their work. More rambunctious players (known as "BSoD hooligans") have been known to smash their monitors and computer cases in misdirected excitement.
There is a more challenging version of BSoD that may appear during a system reboot. The extra challenge is to be able to read the error message displayed before the computer automatically restarts, resulting in an infinite loop of BSoD's. For novice players this game version can be turned off by unchecking "Automatically restart" under "Startup and Recovery."
[edit] Options Confusion
Some users have found themselves confused at BSoD's "instant win architecture", and the appearance of "options" on the screen itself. The options are actually a façade, meant to appeal to users familiar with games like Zork and who crave interaction in their interactive games. The first option given, "Press any key to terminate the current application", is there for appearances only, as pressing the spacebar to terminate the current application only paves the way for the user to press the spacebar 50 more times in frustration. The second option, "Press CTRL+ALT+DEL again to restart your computer [something about losing data]", is actually the only correct and viable option, unless that doesn't work, in which case users are encouraged to use the Power Button Game Accessory packaged with many computers.
[edit] Complete List of BSoD Platforms
- Windows 1.0
- Windows 3.1
- Windows 95
- Windows 98
- Windows NT
- Windows ME
- Windows 2000
- Windows XP
- Windows XP SP 3,4,5,6,7,8,9, etc.
- Windows Vista - with enhanced security protection
- MS-DOS
- Macintosh OSX - when you type "should've bought Windows" into Safari browser
- ReactOS
- Xbox
- Xbox 360 - also includes Red Ring of Death bonus pack.
- Imaginabox 360
- PS3 - First System to run BSoD with Blu-ray
- Nintendo Wii - A very popular piss-colored screen is shown on consoles in Japan.
- Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006 (compulsory)
- Zune - BSoD happens most when sharing music and photos.
- A bunch of payphones
- McDonald's cash registers - when handling 'super sized' meals.
- Automated checkouts and ATMs
- In all cinemas - especially when actors like Tom Cruise appear
- Computer operated billboards - especially in Tokyo
- That giant screen in Times Square
- Air Traffic Control - when more than one A380 are on the move...
- Targeting computers of most of the U.S. bombers.
- National ICBM Network
- SKYGUARD International Anti-ICBM system
- LCD display on Coca Cola Vending machines - most often when you select multiple buttons at the same time
- TARDIS Console
- Limewire - When you download anything other than music. Comes with virus extras!
- Deep Thought Eternity Engine - later purchased and destroyed by Bill Gates, under the guise of a Vogon.
- Teletubbies
- Philps FW-555 Mini Hi-Fi Stereo System - "When you try to turn on The Radio,CD player,Aux Outlet,Or Casset player."
- Whatever you are using right now
"Also, when you try to Open up CD player,Casset Tape or simply press the power button."
- You
- a4 paper
[edit] Cheats & Exploits
- To access BSoD on Internet Explorer(not on version 8, 7 and 6 SP2), simply type in about:mozilla where the URL belongs. Or click on this link.
- Type in "install -f macintosh" into command prompt. (click on 'Run...' and type in "cmd").
- Signal an SOS morse code signal using the machine's power button.
- Download "Auto-clicker", install it, set it to as many times as possible times per second. Put your cursor over a random file (better if you choose one that takes up your CPU or RAM) then start auto-clicking.
- In Windows 95/98, open the start menu, open the command prompt and then type: c:\con\con and hit enter. INSTANT BSOD!!! This trick also works if you type: c:\aux\aux or c:\nul\nul.
- In some Windows 2000 environments, pressing Ctrl (hold)-Scroll Lock-Scroll Lock will enter the little-known Dumbass mode, where less numbers appear.
- No one has ever actually beaten the BSoD, it contains 789619 levels and takes 9826347923402345XP points each level. Many WoW gamers have moved on to the BSoD after the epic fail that was Wrath Of The Lich King. The BSoD holds more challenge for ex WoW gamers and the tear 7 raid armor is very hard to get.
[edit] See also
- Red Screen of Death
- CTRL-ALT-DEL
- Error message
- Guru Meditation
- The official Microsoft Blue Screen of Death Game — Ver3
- Red Ring of Death
- HowTo:Experience_Your_First_BSoD
[edit] External links
Microsoft Windows ®
Your money. Our passion.
• Detect "non-genuine" products
• Gather user information
• Cripple core system components
• Deploy legal team
• Launch civil litigation
Estimated time remaining:
Less than 1 min.
Related technology:
MS-UNO
MS-DOS
MS-TRES
.NET
Blue Screen of Death
Calculator
CTRL-ALT-DEL
Developers!
DirectX
Hotmail
Internet Explorer
UnNews: Microsoft unveils Internet Genuine Advantage
MSNopoly
Microsoft Products Online Technical Support
Minesweeper
Microsoft Access
Microsoft Keyboard
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Office source code
Microsoft Outlook
Microsoft Sidewinder
Microsoft Surface
MS Paint
PowerPoint
Microsoft VirusCreator
MS Word
Microsoft Word Paperclip
MSNBC
Windows Live Messenger
New Text Document.txt
Notepad
Registry Editor
System Idle Process
Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006
Windows BSODcare
Windows Chess
Windows FireRed/LeafGreen
Windows Media Player
Windows Movie Maker
Windows source code
Task Manager
Windows Live Uncyclopedia Portal
Windows X-Console
Windows Product line:
Windows
Windows BC
Windows 1.0
Windows 3.1
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows Me
Windows You
Windows NT
Windows 2000
Windows XP
Windows XP Pirate Edition
Windows Server 2003
Windows Vista
Windows Vista Pirated Edition
Windows Hitler
Xbox
Windows 2010
Windows for Politicians
Windows MarioRed & SonicBlue
Windows Vista Minion Edition
