BP oil spill

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BP Oil Spill
Location: The Ocean

Type of Disaster: Slippery, sticky disaster

Key Date: 4th July 2010

“I told you Iraq had secret weapons of mass destruction.”
~ Tony Blair's first remark on the BP oil Spill.
“Well, Iraq's still basically part of Britain.”
~ Tony Blair's second remark on the BP oil spill after being told that BP was a British company.

The BP oil spill of 2010 centred around the date 4th July that year was a move made by BP (Bad Pollution) to retaliate against the USSA about an event that happened in 1776 on the same date. This event parralleled the Icelandic attempt to remind the Danish about the event that happened 17th June 1944 when Denmark suddenly discovered it did not own Iceland as, due to the Icelandic banks collapsing, Iceland had become worthless. This is proved through extensive scientific research that the ashcloud was directly aimed at Denmark and there were remanants of a nuclear explosive devise found in Mt. Eyjafjallajokull that the Icelandic people denied existence of.

The BP oil spill was a success unlike the Icelandic volcano eruption plan and so in the process 911 pelicans died resulting in the second largest extinction of any species on the planet after the mass extinction of bunny rabitts on Easter Island.

The Cause of the Spill

When the USSA president got rather angry and threatened to wipe out the whole of the UK by poisoning the MacDonalds burgers, David Cameron the British primeminister blamed it on the previous labour government's inadequacy to deal with rising oil migration and could find nowhere to deport the oil migrant so dumped it all in the sea. He also commented that it was ok as Britain had loads of oil still, sitting under the Atlantic Ocean near the Falkland Islands(Arg: Las Falkland Islands). The Argentinian neutral diplomat in the blame conference then swung heavily in the USSA's favour and the British were ordered to pay reparations, limit their army to 100,000 men,give back all territory owned in Poland and prevented them from making an alliance with Austria in the Treaty of York. David Cameron complained as to get the army to 100,000 men they would actually have to recruit 55,000 men and up military spending.

Events During The Spill


BP's state of the art helicopter.

BP endlessly pretended to fix the problem by using the most futile methods they could think of. One of these attempts was to get a Russian University to attempt to detonate a nuclear bomb in the leaking pipe but for some reason USSA authorities banned this. More explained on the Deepwater Horizon oil spill page. Tony Hayward sat down in his big, comfy, revolving chair and evily smiled at all the revenge he had got on the USSA for not winning the Texas lottery draw. Every other Brit on the planet saw the huge irony that oil was leaking all over the USSA, the largest consumer of oil in the Northern Hemisphere of the super cluster. For once even green peace didn't mind if a few pelicans died. BP's best efforts came about when they devised to send in their top-of-the-range helicopter to deal with the problem by using the rotor blades to suck all the oil out of the sea. This valiant effort is pictured above. Eventually all the oil in the World leaked out and now we just have to put up with a sort of black-brown sea colour but at least it didn't prevent air travel like the Icelandic revenge attempt did.

The Aftermath

Britain suffering under huge economic burdens could barely pay off the reperations and so France took the initiative and moved troops into British controlled Normandy (Because Britain still owns it). This only helped to worsen the situation as most of the population in Normandy were oringinally French so delighted by the news of the occupation they went on strike. Britain's government crumbled under the weight of extremism and Nick Griffin came to power. He tried to stop the French by building a wall around Brittany which became known as the Brittany Wall. However it proved useless in the face of the French Imperial Guard who strode through and knocked the wall down. At this point the Scottish garrison commander on the Island of Brittany deployed his men in a thin red line and fought out the battle to the last round when after two overs of play the French realised they hated cricket and the Scots also realised that and so both returned home forming the independant country of Brittany which was subsequently invaded by the Argentinians a year later. Britain then topples Nick Griffin from power and the Monarch goes back to autocratic rule. A notable pact is formed with the country of Iceland over rights to commit revenge on former colonies.

Films on the Oil Spill

The 39 Slicks - Action, comedy in which a British secret agent runs about sliding over oil while his American CIA partner fires round after round into the oil to prevent it reaching the shores of Texas (now also part of Argentina).

Oil at Sunrise - Western adventure in which Clint Eastwood says lots of stuff that sounds tough and then plays stuck in th mud with the bad guys until he realises it's not mud but oil.

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