BJ Penn

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BJ (blow job) Penn
Penn medium
Date of birth: December 13 1978
Place of birth: Coconut tree
Nationality: Big Country
Died It will happen someday.
It will happen somewhere.
Even if there's a video of him dying peacefully in his sleep, it was murder.
Occupation Former UFC lightweight Champion, Diego Sanchez's Plastic Surgeon
Religion Believes in ME
Spouse Many
Children Unknown
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about BJ Penn.

BJ "The Fraudigy" Penn, sometimes also known as "the dirty name" is a pudgy Hawaiian Mixed martial arts kid who loves to wine and complain. Dude earned a black belt in Brazilian Jiu jitsu in only 3 hours, whereas for everyone else it takes an average of 1275 years, fuck that, Chuck Norris did it overnight and reached the rank of the legendary Red belt. BJ is one fight away from getting cut by the UFC after losing to Frankie Edgar twice. He has plans to start a business plan to produce dolls in his likeness, as had been asking to work with Mattel to create BB Jay Cabbage Patch Kids Dolls. Mattel has declined.

edit Personal Life

BJ got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 11, he has never to this date met his child.

edit MMA Career

Unlike most fighters who start their Mixed martial arts career in Japan and Pride FC, BJ directly jumped to UFC, his second, and probably most funniest fight was against Japanese legend (well, now he's a legend but back then he was a wimp), Caol "The Owl" Uno, as soon as the ref said "lets go" BJ stormed Caol Uno in an attack which was so fast no one even saw it, next thing everyone knew, Uno was on the mat unconscious with a spray can of "whoop" up his ass. This was the fastest knock out in MMA history.

BJ fought the undefeated Dragon, Lyoto Machida in K-1 Heroes and gave Machida his best fight, whilst looking grossly undersized.

edit Return to the UFC

Bj penn

BJ Penn is something of a closet artist, often drawing self portraits that attempt to flatter his doughy bald physique

BJ returned to UFC and tried to move up to the welterweight division, this was a bad mistake as he got his ass kicked by Matt Hughes and Georges St. Pierre. Then he coached the Ultimate Fighter with the rival team being coached by Jens "lil willy" Pulver, during this season, one of BJ's team members, a Chinese named Andy Wang had to fight a tough wrestler, Gilbert Melendez, BJ told Andy, who was also a black belt in BJJ to take the fight to the ground, but Andy wanted to show off standing up doing all sorts of Jet Li and Bruce Lee Kung fu moves, BJ warned him repeatedly to use his BJJ against Melendez' boxing but no, Andy wanted to show off, when the fight started Andy started meditating and took the eagle stance and started saying "ommmm", next minute a huge left hook came from Melendez and Andy's head did a 360 degree spin and he dropped unconscious, BJ was laughing at Andy cry like a baby after the fight.

edit Winning the title

BJ won the lightweight title after he drank the blood of Joe Stevenson, but then Sean "the Steroid Shark" Sherk got in the way winning and complaining that he was the real champ and the BJ never beat him, but was forced to accept the facts when BJ whooped his ass. BJ Recently beat a skinny rival, Diego "Sweet dreams" Sanchez, BJ bit Sanchez' eyebrow off so the doctor stopped the fight.

edit Losing the title

BJ Penn went up against a puny kid named Frankie Edgar, everybody laughed at him because they thought he wasn't ready, but then BJ totally forgot he had a right hand (he had a nightmare the night before that Fedor ripped it off via armbar) and was only using his jabs, Frankie outpointed him and won the decision along with the lightweight belt which had to be modified as it was too heavy for him to carry around, Frankie turned the title into a spinner like John Cena's title in the WWE.

edit See also

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