Azumanga Daioh

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“So I was walking down the street when I got thirsty and then I saw this dog and began to fly.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Azumanga Daioh

“No thanks!”

~ Hunter S. Thompson on being offered a hit of Azumanga Daioh

Azumanga Daioh (not to be confused with Dengeki Daioh, also known as Monthly Comic Dengeki Daioh) is a hallucinogenic drug manufactured by Kiyohiko Azuma and distributed by TV Tokyo. It is taken through the eyes, and it is one of the most powerful visual drugs known. Hallucinations typically start and end with atonal music and last about 20 minutes. It is Japan's largest export since stupid but crazy game shows.

Taking Azumanga Daioh results in hallucinations of seven girls, two teachers and one creepy guy with creepy round glasses.

[edit] Legality

Since Azumanga Daioh is so accessible (it can be downloaded off the internet), it has caused many people to be addicted. The drug's dangerous hallucinogenic properties make it a serious issue to lawmakers. Currently, Azumanga Daioh is banned in the United States (with posession punishable by death), but it is still legal in Japan, where the drug originated.This drug has a 100 percent chance of making You moonlight sleepy.

The supernatural intelligent lifeform 'Osaka' (thinking)

[edit] Characters seen in Hallucinations

[edit] The Girls

• Tomo Takino: Teh über hawtness.A loose cannon.And is sometimes thought to be Sonic The Hedgehog. Tomo is also known to have UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was use to electrify Chiyo. Tomo is the lovable teen who everybody hates(especially Yomi).
• Chiyo Mihama: Chiyo is just cute. Look at her! How can anyone not love her? If you don't you're a cruel and heartless bastard(like Tomo). Worship her and you shall be happy. Killed by a crowd of enamored old ladies attempting a giant "group hug" in the first episode. Be warned, even if just an hallucination, she can come out of your screen and eat you... with her cuteness. Many people have been brainwashed by Her brainwashing chant:Cooking Is So Fun.
• Sakaki: Sakaki-san is a Spirit, an immortal beast! Even the life form Osaka fears Her! She has amazing power and is very talented at pwning n00bs like Tomo but somehow Kaori seems to be the only n00b to get close to Sakaki. For some reason She thinks cats are Tasty and always tries to eat them but ends up getting bitten instead. At one point She finds a new cat species which Osaka calls Pikanyaa. Sakaki gains the trust of this cat and tries tries eat it but finds out after licking it that the taste Pikanyaas are very repulsive and disgusting and at that point makes it Her friend. In the last episode when Kamineko bites Her She for the first time ever, FLIPS OUT on the cat! She incinerated it with Her hand and blew it to far to the other side of the Universe.
• Kaorin: She's Sakaki's bitch, although Kimura is her bitch. Due to japanese law requiring every anime having at least one lesbian couple, she was included to fill such role. The only character not raped by Osaka, However she is sold into slavery to the Russian Mob. Recently found out, if you take away the i in Kaorin and move the r and switch a and o, you spell "Koran."
• Yomi: Yomi-san is the freak one, always worried with unreasonable bizzarities (like her fitness / weight and grades), so unlike the other girls at her age (usually worried with talking cats or leveling Tokyo in a mecha). She's always devising a way to get rid of Tomo. Almost killed after her stomach was burst open from the inside by Osaka's tentacles.
• Kagura: Tomo's Evil Twin. Except she's good in sports too. She is not actually tan; rather, she has a large birthmark shaped like William Shatner that covers 75 percent of her body. Raped with a steak knife and eaten by Osaka. Like Osaka, she saluted Hitler at least once in the show although she was raising her hand to the teacher.
• Osaka: So it's not her real name. Who gives a damn. With Chiyo as the second most awesome force ever created, Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga takes the #1 spot as the single greatest bundle of innocence and kinky sex ever fused and put into existence. Capable of dividing by zero, she is known for comprehending God's true plan for escalators and elevators so completely that she often gets the two mixed up. She is not twelve, has never been on marijuana,( though she consumes E in massive amounts, hence her spaciness) and still shouldn't ride a bike. She does, however, have glands in her spine that contain an infinite amount of THC. Other notable appearances include playing "Frodalina Baggins" in The Lord of the Yen trilogy, and creating her own cult with subliminal messages embedded in the infamous AMV Hell 3's "Beepbeepbeepbeep" sequences. In addition, she is the only schoolgirl with psychological immunity to Kimura's pedo-ing. Becomes a tentacle monster in the first episode and kills Kimura with rape. There is a large cult , many members of which are members of the legion of anonymous who robotically follow every order from Osaka, and frequently sacrifice members of Something awful, newgrounds, and even uncyclopedia, to her likeness. She is notorious for saluting Hitler in almost every episode even though she using it as a greeting to her friends.

“HEIL! JAPANESE MISTRESS!”

~ Anonymous on osaka

She later becomes a hero after throwing her left shoe at Bush.

[edit] The Boys

Boys appear many times in the hallucinations. Many of them appear to be Brothers and/or male relatives of the girls. You never learn their names, but they are allways there.. One of them was a victim of Yukari's many bike thefts. Another was a perv and asked about Yukari measurements.

[edit] The teachers

• Yukari-san: Yukari-sensei is the English teacher/destructive robot/Prototype Teaching Unit(PTU), although said skill is never demonstrated. She seems to be fond of right; votes right, drives right (that's trouble in Japan), but besides that, she seems to be all right. In the last episode, She Killed Kimura after Kimura touched her "special places".

• Nyamo-sensei/Yukari 2.0/Ultimate Teaching Unit(UTU):Anyting yukari can do Nyamo can do better. Long lost relative of Akira Kurosawa, Nyamo follows a career as sports teacher when she isn't in some sort of superhero olympics. She's also a longtime enemy of Yukari, rivalry that began when the english teacher stole her bike. She also enjoys protesting the Disney Channel, because it sucks.

• Kimura-sensei: The School's pedophile. His daily activities include teaching, reading, and finding which of the school girls he will next rape and destroy any little trace of innocence left in them. He also has the power to appear anywhere at any time. Oh, he enjoys a nice cup of coffee too, and is anal about how chop sticks are used. He was killed by Yukari in the last episode. He later revives as Pedobear. OH NOES!!!!!

[edit] The Rest

• Chiyo-chichi: God knows what in His Holy Name what the fuck he / she / it is. Some speculate it may actually be God in fucked-up-cat form. Furthermore, Chiyo-Chichi can be used in times of emergency as a surf-board; or as a food-supply - as long as you don't mind bananas everyday. There sometimes that He wishes He were a bird.

This hallucination is the probable cause of Azumanga Daioh's violent effects.

• Kamineko: This little gray cat thing. I think it's teething. I mean just look a- HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD! What the fuck? This isn't a CAT! Just look at its head, it's the size of a freaking cantaloupe! Look at the body, it might as well be a bean bag! Get it offa me!
• Maya: A repulsive tasting repeller of Evil! It is a extremely rare species of cat known as Pikanyaa which have oversized melon heads, strong necks and legs to support it's head and, vacant eyes.

Maya is special because it has super powers such as:Super scratching abilities, Intimidate that surpasses that of Pokemon, swimming abilities, the power to breath under water and, tracking abilities which were used to track do Sakaki.

• The 'Penguin': you would be forgiven for thinking that it was just Chiyo in a penguin coustume. But you would be wrong. It is really a Penguin/Parrot Hybrid who had not only ripped of Chiyo's face, but with his wondrous skill of mimicry stole Chiyo's voice as well! if you see this penguin, tell a policeman immediately!

[edit] Effects

Azumanga Daioh, besides causing hallucinations, has a variety of effects on the user.

• Azumanga Daioh has been known to cause the user to drive erratically. In response to the dangers of driving while under the effects of this drug, numerous protest organizations have been set up, including MAADD (Mothers Against Azumanga Daioh Driving).
• Violent actions are another effect of taking this drug. Most commonly, the violence is against small children.
• In rare cases, death can occur. When someone overdoses on Azumanga Daioh (known as O.D.-ing on A.D.), their eyes become unnaturally large, and the user begins wildly flailing their arms in the air, which is followed by death.
• In many cases, there are 99.999999% headaches, mainly because of the gay but cute music, which gets stuck in your head for a long period of time, mostly 1 to 2 days of non-stop headaches.

[edit] Pharmacokinetics

The chemical structure of the Azumanga Daioh (AD₃CH₁) Animo Salt.

The LD₅₀ of Azumanga Daioh has been measured in a variety of organisms:

• 1 ns/kg (Normal human beings)
• 5 ns/kg (Naruto fans)
• 20 min/metric ton (Lolikon Otaku)

A recent study in the Annals Of Psychoactive Multimedia showed Azumanga Daioh to be one of the most potent Animo-based compounds known to man, it was later surpassed by Lucky★Star. In laboratory tests using rats it was demonstrated that nearly 100% of Azumanga Daioh is metabolized by the retina immediately following exposure, often resulting in gross deformity of the eyeball at higher doses (see Effects). Due to the very rapid on-set and high potency of the drug, extreme caution is recommended for less experienced psychonauts.

[edit] Music

When taking Azumanga Daioh, hallucinations begin and end with music. The opening song is considered one of the most deadly songs in pop history. The text is mainly Japanese, but also features lines like: "Cake for you!", "Moonlight sleeping!" and "The temptation of wheat". In Japan the song never was generally accepted in society, but according to a poll on 2chan, the Japanese think various songs of the Guano Apes are worse. As a result, after the first season of distribution, all of TV Tokyo's distributions of Azumanga Daioh in Japan are introduced with the song Afternoon Delight by American one-hit wonder Starland Vocal Band. The ending song was never so controversial, since most users commit suicide before reaching the end of the hallucination.

[edit] Fun Facts

• The infamous 'anime title generator' also created the name Azumanga Daioh. Fun about this, is that the word 'Azumanga' refers to the drug's manufacturer, and 'Daioh' means jack shit. In combination however, it can be translated as 'Jesus stole my sheep' from Swahili.
• Drug dealers in the United States have tried to produce an American version of Azumanga Daioh, but it has been largely unsuccessful. A major reason for this is that in the American version, hallucinated characters pronounce each other's names incorrectly.
• Your mom loves Azumanga Daioh.
• Azumanga Daioh is the leading cause of rape of Japaneses school girls in southwestern and northern Japan.
• Azumanga Daioh fan art is widely considered one of the few tolerable types of fan art on the internet.
• Beans give you gas.
• Shoe-flipping is actually an accurate way to predict the future when one has no coins, as demonstrated by Osaka.
• Osaka and Yomi are actually one person, Yoriko Nikaidou of the insanely unpopular anime You're Under Arrest!.
• Yomi is a distant relative of Eggman, and has a non-identical twin called Rouge.
• An ancient Polish folktale one prophecised that when the main character's names are chanted in reverse, the Anti-Osaka will appear in a great ball of fire. The results of such events are unknown, but experts predict that the world would be "Totally Fucked."
• The Japanese made a similar drug known as Lucky Star which gives you similar hallucinations but instead the girls there have outrageously weird hair colors and one is a otaku. The drug also may cause you to dance the Haruhi Suzumiya dance.
• Yomi may be a conceiled oh-so feared Yomi. She will soon enough grow so angry of Tomo-chan that she will transform into an Awakened Being! Even the mighty Claymore fear her! So should your mother!
• Sometimes Chiyo Chichi is Mistook for Bill Clinton or Yoshiro Mori.

Since the show ended, the Azumanga girls really let themselves go. They have since died of a heart attack.

[edit] See also

• Chiyo Mihama
• Anime
• Bleach
• Japan
• Osaka
• Porn
• Asian chicks
• Magical Girl
• Schoolgirls
• Girls
• cocks