From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
A type of Chess founded by Aztec priests who foresaw the future of their empire. The goal for the Black team (Spanish) is to kill all Aztec Eagle warriors shown as White pawns. The Aztecs don't have a goal, because they will always lose the game, except for the unusual situation that the Black team surrenders... Which has happened only once in history, although there are disputes about this. In a friendly game of Aztec Chess between Jesus and Gandalf. Gandalf was the Spanish, and he had to rescue that stupid hobbit once again, so he couldn't finish the game. Some say he surrendered. Others say that they agreed to finish it another time...
Introduction to Aztec Chess
- Get a Chess board
- Put all the pieces on the board as shown
- Choose the team that you want to play with.
- Let the fun begin, or if you're fart playing, congratulate the player who was on the Spanish side, because he has won.
The Spanish only control tower. They will move the same way as in normal chess. The Aztecs only control Pawns. They may move just like Queens, but there is one exception. They can't capture pieces. This feature was added in the beginning of the 20th century to make it more historically accurate.
Another variation of the game is, if by some miracle of the many gods the aztecs manage to capture a Spanish chess piece, then he is to be a sacrifice by ripping out his heart at the altar. This rule was abolished in 1637 by the Spanish, because it seems somewhat unethical and non-catholic. Plus, Spaniards are sore losers.
Variations of the Game
Before the Aztec variation of chess, there was Maya, Olmec, Inca and Toltec chess. However, all the chess boards mysteriously disappeared. For Olmec chess and then Maya chess and then Inca and then Toltec. Some say that they were just alien's chess boards and the Aliens took them back. Another explanation is that the chess boards were from the lost city of Atlantis. But I guess we'll never know....
Another variation is where there's a whole army of Bishops (the Aztecs) and an army of Pawns (some poor, Mexican tribe). The object of this game is kill all the Mexicans, apart from 5 whom you must not let escape, because they are to be taken to the altar for the almighty chap on the right here.