Awesomesauce

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(Redirected from Awesome)

	Awesomesauce (file info)
	Listen to Awesomesauce live!

This article is a spud. You can help Uncyclopedia by eating it.

Truly, you need a little dash of this to spice up your life.

Warning! Awesomesauce is extremely flammable. Handle with care.

Also available bacon flavored.

Have you found yourself stuck in a rut recently? Inspiration refusing to flow? Ideas just not coming thick and fast any more? Girlfriend left you, computer broken down for the thirteenth time, or simply lacking any motivation to remove your corpulent carcass from the filth-laden cesspit you call a bed? Run out of alternative coping mechanisms or been divorced by your therapist? Has even your LiveJournal taken out a cease-and-desist order regarding the angst you so unfairly pour on it?

Evidently, my friend, you need some awesomesauce. Its made from 100% Brandon Lê!

edit The Creation Of Awesome

Awesome was created through a freak accident, involving the recording of a simple album in 1945. In an effort to create the worlds greatest Album, composer John Steinman rented a recording studio in the city of Hiroshima. He then teamed up with Meatloaf, Queen (band) and Rush. And just for good measure threw in Led Zeppelin as backing vocals and Rythm. Unfortunately Stienman forgot to account for the severe ammount of epicness enclosed in a small space and upon singing the first 3 words of the song the studio exploded as a result of an Awesomness overload taking most of the city with it. All that remained were trace ammounts of Pure Awesomness, which can be very dangerous in large doses.

edit Why Do I Need Awesomesauce?

Throughout the endless gamut of trials and tribulations which you've had to run, you may have felt that something was missing. As gallon upon gallon of suffering was poured upon your head, surely the thought crossed your mind that you were worth better? That you deserved more? Face it, my friend. Your life has been truly harsh to you. There are no other white, suburban adolescents who have felt pain anywhere near as acute. Bearing all this in mind, don't you believe that you should have something more? Just as I thought, you need to get LAID! So take awesomesauce now brother (or indeed sister)!

edit What Is Awesomesauce?

If you look like this, Awesomesauce can have MANY beneficial impacts.

Brewed from a special brand of all-natural ingredients, naturally-occurring flavour enhancers and unnamed, but honestly beneficial extracts, Awesomesauce is truly a condiment with a recipe that cannot be imitated. Proven healthy and safe in numerous laboratory trials, Awesomesauce is just the condiment for you' And also it helps especially if your name is Mikayla and you're a savage because you need it. Like REALLY need it. It also may help if you are an Irish mop named River.

edit What Can Awesomesauce Do For Me?

Have you been having problems with the little guy downstairs? If so, Awesomesauce is for YOU! Its special blend of unique aphrodisiacs promises to provide a 150% increase in growth, while the attractive purple hue may even serve as built-in contraception.

How about problems with intellectual performance and brain capacity? A dose per day is clinically proven to decrease your mental capacities to the point where those around you will humour you by pretending that you are the genius you like to think you are.

Problems with women? Never fear, Awesomesauce is here! Proven to work well as a social lubricant, the phrase 'Don't worry - I'm carrying Awesomesauce' has been clinically shown to increase chances of getting laid by up to 0.1%. And when you do get lucky in the bedroom, think of Awesomesauce's versatile uses as quite another variety of lubricant.

Wanting to stage a dramatic teenage rebellion against the tyrannical overlords that dare to call themselves your parents? Never fear - our surveys have shown that only one percent of parents interviewed would be 'mildly concerned' if their offspring was found to be using Awesomesauce! It's now easier than ever to rebel against everything The Man stands for, just use Awesomesauce!

Darth Vader Demands SAUCE!

edit What Else Can Help?

Looking for something a teensy bit more potent? Not satisfied with the healthy, natural high that Awesomesauce gives? Why not try some of these other official, Uncyclopedia-endorsed products?

edit Recommendations

I must say, awesomesauce does go good with spaghetti. But before serving, make sure to use only a small amount on it, for any extreme exposure will cause a horrible yet enthralling orgasm, and/or death. It also makes every band's music good. Every band has a limited amount of awesomesauce. IF they use all their awesomesauce in one record, all their other records suck a lot. After taking awesomesauce, you will become subjected to pure failure, but it will be AWESOME!

edit Where Can I Find Awesomesauce?

Awesomesauce is available worldwide! To obtain your own bottle of spicy awesome, simply return a used bottle of awesome to your nearest drug store to have it refilled.

v • d • e

Chicken Soup for the Eyes

Awesomesauce

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Contents

edit The Creation Of Awesome

edit Why Do I Need Awesomesauce?

edit What Is Awesomesauce?

edit What Can Awesomesauce Do For Me?

edit What Else Can Help?

edit Recommendations

edit Where Can I Find Awesomesauce?

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