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edit Come on then, what is it?
Auto-spastic Writing (Verb, intrans.) is the act of having a fit whilst holding a pen over a piece of paper, to the effect of producing a cohegent - if hardly decipherable - piece of writing. Noted Auto-spastic Writers include: Agatha Christie; Henry Miller; Felicia "Snoop" Pearson and Jeffrey Archer.
edit IS IT SAFE!?
edit The Deception Behind the LiesDifferent Auto-spastic authors differ differently on a number of differing points concerning Auto-spastic Writing. While some claim to experience channeling from the spirit world, communicating with the dead and asking them what stories they'd like to write about, others claim that Auto-spastic Writing is simply the product of an obverse rear occiputal lobe, which writes a novel unconsciously in the host's mind, then, when the time is fortuitous (not on the toilet or while giving a blow-job etc) the lobe will take over the body and "let the words do the talkin'". Jeffrey Archer claims that he - like Mohammed - is communicating with Allah when he writes. "I'm like Mohammed," he writes in his Auto-spastography Archer: The One who Bends, "except less Islamic" (pp 12-324).
edit Conveniently Topical Segment on Religious Histobology Concerning Auto-spastic Writing
There are many references to Auto-spastic Writing - or practices that may be equated to Auto-spastic Writing - throughout the histoboligical canon of religionalia. From the Norse Pagan Auto-spastic practice of "i volkungr kih" to the Auto-spastic Medium's favourite medium of "Auto-spastic mediation", it has been noted by scholars that in whatever form, Auto-spasticism plays a ginormous role in the mystical element of religionation.
One of the most prominent contemporary Auto-spastic religious groups of today is the Islamic fundamentalist group Nib-al-Jibbab. Founded in 1986 by the former joiner Ahmed Mashed, who at the time was head of a seperatist faction that advocated Sharia Law for Luxembourg. One of the central tenets Of Nib-al-Jibbab tenated that Mohammed wrote the Koran in an Auto-spastic frenzy. By 1989 several prominent members of Nib-al-Jibbab, including Mashed, were on the CID waiting-list in connection with a string of major terrorist (or terror-wrist) offences, including the infamous "June 1988 Spastication of Harrods", in which a Jibbabian terrorist entered the Department Store freely wearing a beard and proceeded to Auto-spasticate the walls and several members of the public with indecipherable Islamic slogans.
By 1991.2 Nib-al-Jibbab had upped their operations, pioneering the disturbing practice of Auto-spastic Bombing. After Auto-spastically blowing up a strategic government greenhouse in the key demographic town of Dudelange, Nib-al-Jibbab were placed on a select UN Nuisance List.
The Arch-Nemesis of Nib-al-Jibbab is an Auto-spastic Christian Fundementalist group called the US Government. The US Government hold a great amount of sway in North America, where they legislate Auto-spastically, claiming that whatever they spasticate out of their collective cerebrum comes from a higher source. One of the US Government's key strategies is war, often crossed with spin based on contradictions-in-terms. A successful example of this was the "War on Terror", which confused people into not realising that war is terror.
edit What Some People Have Said
"Sometimes everyone has a little spastic inside of them."
"At first I thought my wife was just an epi, but then we started earning $$$ from her spazbo scrawling."
- Chris T. Christie, husband of the late Agatha Christie
"I thought I had the gift, but it turns out I just had Parkinsons."
"At school they called me 'twitcher' and my teacher failed me at everything, but now I'm a doctor I can write how the fuck I like."
- Dr. Sigmund Freud, forefather of neurotic behaviour.