Austin, Texas

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“Austin, Texas baby!!”
~ Willie Nelson

“I say, I had a romantic night here once.”
~ Oscar Wilde on In Downtown Austin

“Fuck You! I'm from the ATX!”
~ Lil Black
“One of the most fun and diverse cities in the world.”
“Whut It Dew!”
~ Rapid Ric

Austin is the capital of Texas. Austin is populated by only young people ages 20-40 with 666,666 (1,200,000) residents. A 1/3 of the residents of Austin are students in schools and attend any university they want. It is a swell city. Austin is also known as the ATX. (Especially the underground and the underworld.) Home of the University of Texas, (UT), the largest university in Texas, Megatexas, and North America. Also known Austin or ATX and seat of Travis County.

History

The capital of Texas was moved to Austin when everyone agreed that not every city in the country was worth living in. Austin was found in 1800 BC by Stephen F. Austin and Sam Houston after they had both won a beer drinking contest. But Sam Houston got pwned and ran east of the ATX to what is now a mess, Houston, to build his own metropolis because he was SO drunk at the time. In 1998, Austin became the "Live Music Capital of the World" with over 238,000 yuppie fans from the world. By 2000, it is known as the "Computer City" of Texas competing against California. "Norah Jones" made live Jazz revive from the dead in 2007. Sadly in 2009, annoying, tall bricks, were being built with so many Austinites were "pissed off".

Stephen f austin

The pioneer and founder of the ATX, Stephen F. Austin, who is now part of the living dead.

Texas

WTF?? Location of the ATX has been moved west?!?

Music

Rap-Rock/hip-hop was found as musical genre in 1990 there by the Beastie Boys, Run-DMC, Vallejo, Willie Nelson and diRTy WoRMz. Later in 2000, diRTy WoRMz recreated Rap-Rock/hip-hop as a musical genre for the underground and the underworld. Although, fans argue that there is TOO Much country music for your grandparents, and not enough hip-hop/rap for the underworld and teens. What about the children? They got rock music, rock is very great. (Even if country music is boring and this is not enough hip-hop/rap to go around.) We still have great music!!!! We need moar Metalheads, stoners, loners, and looners. Other than dat, music is great!!!!.

Teh Population

Geezer Citizens and Adult : 50% , Children : 50% . Austin is populated by only young people ages 20-40 with 666,666 (1,200,000) residents. A 1/3 of the residents of Austin are students in schools and universities. The ATX is filled with rednecks, mexicans, Asians, blacks, yuppies, hippies, idiots, nerds, Indians, and dorks. 20 square miles surrounded by reality.

Food

Just try the County Line BBQ. Go to "Buda" for cum.

Technology

By 2000, it is known as the "Computer City" of Texas competing against California. Both competed by using IBM, Dell, Microsoft, and Sun, the leadeing creations made Apple, Microsoft Windows, UNIX, LINUX, and MS-DOS what they are today. They are still civil rivals to this day.

UUndercyc

Uncyclopedia was found in the ATX in Jan. 2005.

Uncyclopedia Potato Logo

The Uncyclopedia was found there by Johnathan Huang. [Uncyclopedia

was found in the ATX in Jan. 2005.]]

Suburbs

  • Barton Creek - The richest town in Texas and the United States. Home to very aristocratic rich people. 98% to 100.0% of the children attend private schools for weird religions. A LOT BETTER than their other suburb, Lost Creek for the poor in West/Southwest Austin. Filled with White people. Home to many Boarding schools. This neighbourhood has often been criticized for its lack of racial and socio-economic diversity. Due to such factors, the youth are often typecast the stereotypical mold of a "Spoiled Brat" or "Rich Bitch". Just an example of how Barton Creek is detached from the world as well.
  • Bee Cave- A village with SO MANY shops. Population is only 1,600 people. Very far West!!
  • Buda The town with only 2,000 people. Not to be confused with Butter or cum. Many trailer homes are inside city limits, so don't live there if you're rich.
  • Del Valle - Lot of farms and empty land. The village does not have very many (if not any) rich people and half are poor. Similar to Manor and Elgin. Has Black people and Hispanics.
  • Elgin - Sausage capital of Texas. Similar to Manor Has Black people and Hispanics. Northeast of Austin. The village does not have very many rich people and half are poor. Very far East!! Elgin has love/hate relationship with Manor.
  • Elroy - Home to the largest mud wrasslin' pit in the world, which is currently out of service because we haven't gotten enough rain to make mud. Awesome people with money want to pave the mud wrasslin' pit because racecar. This, of course, pisses off the hippies who moved here from California, as it is the hippies' job to bitch incessantly about anything that happens in ATX.
  • Leander - A village home to Cedar Park. It pwns Cedar Park too. Another wealthy are near Austin, so they are filthy rich too. Also filled with White people.
  • Lost Creek - Somewhat similar to Barton Creek, but not as dirty rich. Mainly filed with poor in West Austin. Filled with White people and some Asians. They also have often been criticized for its lack of racial and socio-economic diversity.. The African American percentage is very small that many of the other white people have been known to be SO confused as to the reason that the black's are so tan, and ask what their tanning secret is. Just an example of how Lost Creek is detached from the world as well. The rest of the world won't matter because they only care about "success" and gaining money, effectively silencing any negation of life that may be occurring. The truth is, very few people from that area go on to make a difference on an activist level, most return to Lost Creek (and Barton Creek) and the cycle continues...
  • Manor Home to farms and empty land. Similar to Elgin and Del Valle. Has Black people and Hispanics. Northeast of Austin and next to Elgin. They have been gentrified out of existence almost. Manor has love/hate relationship with Elgin.
  • Pflugerville - Right next to Round Rock, but not nearly as good because the people are not as rich. They hate Westlake and Cedar Park. They have been gentrified out of existence.
  • Rollingwood - A very rich community suburb that is also filled with rich snobby kids who's parents are aristocratic historical rich. Filled with White people and Asians, and a few Indians. Don't speed though there!! Rollingwood was also created so that people wouldn't have to deal with the integration of desegregation in Austin, too. They are really their own city. Rollingwood has been honored for having an extremely effective City district administration. Rollingwood is detached from the world just as Westlake Hills is. It is full of rich, snobby jerks and slutty girls who only care about Nordstroms, make-up, tampons, and working in their corner as well. Lipgloss and nail polish, along with ass skin-tight jeans and 6 inch stripper stilettos are essential, as well as a Lexus, Ford, Chevrolet Camaro, or a Porsche.

Following statistics: White 95% Asian 3% Indian <2%

  • Round Rock - Home to Dell HQ where Michael Dell put it. Home to computers, dorks, geeks, nerds, and video games. There are some factories located in the city limits. Similar to Lakeway, Westlake Hills, Leander, Cedar Park, and Rollingwood. Asians too. Very far North!! Very urban too. It looks like South Dallas. The cops are crazy as fuck. Better not do any cocaine within the city limits or any other drugs for that matter.
  • West Lake Hills - Filled with rich snobby kids who's parents are aristocratic historical rich. Filled with White people (mostly) and Asians, and a few Indians. Starbucks on every corner. It also known as Westlake. A village also. Don't speed though there!! Westlake Hills was created so that people wouldn't have to deal with the integration of desegregation in Austin. Westlake has been criticized for being racist and having racists for a number of years. Also the African American percentage is so small that many of the other white people have been known to be confused as to the reason that the black's are so tan, and ask what their tanning secret is. Though Westlake does very well both academically and in the Sports department, socially most of them have been known to be referred to as tools, Reagan lovers, super rich dill dallies, super rich brats, rich bitches, fudgepackers, and many other names that allude to being really washy. Westlake has also been criticized for having an extremely ineffective City (Town) district administration. Westlake has often been criticized for its lack of racial and socio-economic diversity. Due to such factors, Westlake youth are often typecast the stereotypical mold of a "Westlake Brat" or a "Rich Bitch". Just an example of how Westlake is detached from the world. They care way too much about football. The rest of the world won't matter because they only care about "success" and gaining money, effectively silencing any negation of life that may be occurring. It is full of rich, snobby jerks and slutty girls who only care about Nordstroms, make-up, tampons, and working their corner. Lipgloss and nail polish, along with ass skin-tight jeans and 6 inch stripper stilettos are essential, as well as a Lexus, Ford, Chevrolet Camaro, or a Porsche. The cops are the worst pigs out there and will arrest you for smoking heroin inside your car, just to screw with your head. The high schools are highly overpopulated, with around 4,000 people and class ratios are around 30:1. Everyone is very judgmental, especially if you make less than $100,000 per year. The population actually decreased (increased) between 2000 and 2005 due to an influx of ne'er-do-wells and scallywags. They moved into the upscale Barton Creek subdivision (Lost Creek too) using settlement money received from an industrial waste accident. They buy a nice house and proceeded to fill the yard with three generations of swingsets and Playskool tool kits and kitchenwares. The residents have 5 dogs and 6 cats that they refuse to spay and neuter. A negative consequence of this oversight is that the Travis County Animal Welfare office has had to increase staff to 3 full-time employees to accommodate the overpopulation of animals. The area residents are seen by many Austin residents as snobbish, excessive and hypocritical. It is not unusual for a 16 year old to receive a brand new Mustang, Volvo, or BMW for their birthday. The truth is, very few people from Westlake go on to make a difference on an activist level, most return to Westlake and the cycle continues...

Following statistics: White 85% Asian 8% Indian 4% Hispanic 2% Black <1%

Famous, Yet Notable People from ATX (Austin)

What is Austin like?

Austin is the Live Music Capital of the World. It home to many yuppies and hippies (20-40) who attend universities and college. University of Texas at Austin (UT) is also to many yuppies and hippies, as well as psychics, drugs, weed (420), cocaine, psycho's and school shootings. School shootings onsight of UT are quite common in ATX. The whole city revolves around the economy of UT. The roads are Bat Fuck Insane. The roads cut off or change their name into a different name on an ongoing road very frequently in Austin. If you look at a map of Austin, you'll see it's very fucked UP!!!!!!! There are too many hills and they are a pain in the ass to climb. Buildings downtown are huge and are in the shape of a penis. Other buildings are shaped as dildos. Overall, the buildings are too tall. It's great place to live. (If you don't like the heat, don't come here.)

Most notably, it is home to the world's largest singing penis sculpture, which was commissioned by now legendary Haitian sculptor and hidebound Democrat Party reformer Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier. The sculpture, which accounts for roughly 55% of the city's tourism income according to a magic-marker scribbling above the urinal at Hole in the Wall, can be heard all over town belting out local tunes, though it vehemently plays anything by Vallejo, and its main shaft can be clearly seen from the rooftop at the Whole Foods downtown corporate headquarters.

"Keep Austin Weird" is the slogan adopted by the Austin Independent Business Alliance to promote small businesses in Austin, Texas. The phrase arose from an offhand remark by Red Wassenich (a librarian at Austin Community College) in a phone call to a local radio station. He and his wife, Karen Pavelka, placed the slogan on bumper stickers, distributing them free to businesses in Austin. Austin's message of support for local businesses has inspired similar movements in other cities, including Denton, Texas; San Antonio, Texas; Santa Cruz, California; Portland, Oregon; Detroit, Michigan; Fayetteville, Arkansas; Indianapolis, Indiana; Albuquerque, New Mexico; Duluth, Minnesota; New York City, New York; Los Angeles, California; San Francisco, California; and Boulder, Colorado.

Activities and pastimes

Following are some popular pastimes of Austinites:

  • Contributing to the Open-Source Dung Pile Collective (O.S.D.P.C.), the 2nd largest community dung pile in the nation and the only one of its kind that welcome's feculence from those who lack the proper licensure.
  • Scratching one's head over the giant Scientology center outside the University of Texas.
  • Going to Sixth Street, which has bars and clubs. It is improper to refer to what one will do on Sixth Street; one simply "goes to Sixth Street".
  • Attending SXSW, a laid-back, grassroots music festival that can be properly enjoyed for the trivial fee of a couple of hundred dollars.
  • Journeying to the Enchanted Isle in the center of Town Lake to sing along with the world's largest singing penis sculpture.
  • Driving, even if one has nowhere to go. A Travis County law exemption allows toddlers to start driving at the age of 24 months and get a feel for the roads.
  • Getting gentrified out of existence.
  • Obtaining a trophy wife and moving to Round Rock.
  • Going into Australian Usenet groups like aus.general
  • Laughing at Lesley the crossdressing hobo
  • Legally being a homosexual in the state of Texas
  • Getting High and Being Vegan
  • visiting the annual Austin Music Festival
  • Getting High and Being Fat
  • visiting the annual Austin Heroin Festival
  • bitching and complaining about Austin's problems


Austin Heroin Festival

Began in 1967, the Annual Austin Heroin Festival attracts heroin fans and addicts from around the world to celebrate the magical drug and increase public awareness of its versatility and need for legalization. The festival, held in Austin, Texas, every year from September 2-6, draws an average attendance of nearly 120,000 people!! Not that much rly.

38875059 heroin 203

A fun-loving festival-goer "shoots up."

Attendees enjoy carnival rides (such as the Leaning Wall, the Spacey Needle, and the Body Bag Flume), vendors, and exhibitors, who offer the finest heroin from around the world, as well as a peek into the future of heroin production and consumption for weed as well. Local jam bands also contribute to the festive atmosphere, usually playing a bunch of random songs for the entire duration of the event.

Some Knowledge and Facts



  • Home of the University of Texas, (UT), the largest university in Texas, Megatexas, and North America.
  • Also known Austin or The 512.
  • The capital of Texas known for having the tallest capital building in the United States.
  • Home of the Longhorns.
  • A whole platter of hightech jobs and one of the largest high-tech centers in the country.
  • Poor and homeless ppl that claim to "keep Austin Weird" by becoming homeless or transients.
  • The capital of the state of Texas and 4th largest state capital by population.
  • Also 4th largest city in Texas and seat of Travis County.
  • The "live" music capital of the world. Just look at Austin City Limits.
  • It is now among the fastest-growing cities in the country. (Like all the other BIG cities.)
  • The University has one of the youngest, hippest, most educated populations in the country.
  • One of the "fittest" and healthiest residents of any American city, thanks to its convenient location to recreation.
  • Ranked as the "weirdest" cities in the country.
  • Transportation is Bat Fuck Insane.
  • It is known as a cool place to live for college students or for those who can secure one of the six annual high-tech vacancies that pay above $2,000,000 a yr.
  • It can get weirder at night.


The Rest of Austin

TopoTex

A common topographic map of Texas. Blue: Scalding desert. Red: Hills and pre-coastline area. White: Metroplex and sprawling paradise. (The area of Metroplex in western Texas probably represents the Midland-Odessa/Lubbock-Amarillo area. But star is located in the wrong place in Texas.)

East

East Austin is where all crime goes on that part of the city. It is known as the ghetto of Austin. Fun and cool. It is ballin'!!!!

North

Cool, hip and fun place as it keeps expanding like a blob since 2000. Home to many computer offices and nerds. North Austin is also where all crime goes on that part of the city. It is ballin'!!!!

South

South Austin is a cool, hip and fun place. Fun and cool too. Home to alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine. It keeps expanding like a blob since 1970. It is ballin'!!!!

West

West Austin is 95% rich people, 4% upper middle class, and 1% middle class. Westlake Hills (Westlake) which is the village dump and a village. The Loop is an infinite loop. Westlake has 99% rich people, 1% upper middle class. The annoying infinite Loop 360 is there. Same thing goes for West Austin They are very annoying.
Ambient Ball of Eyes

The annoying Infinite Infinity Loop 360.

It is ballin'!!!!


The damn annoying hills!!!

As "a 4-lane depressed median arterial with at-grade signalized intersections." In 2001, the average daily traffic was 225,000 spaceships, warpstars, vehicles at the most traveled point at infinity. Loop 360 is a scenic highway winding through the hills of West Austin. The road had too many damn hills!!!!!! It has so many damn annoying hills!!!!

“Oh NO! I'm lost on Loop 360!! Damn loop. I'm in the capital of Texas”
“It smells bad.”
~ Batman on Austin
“I see no evil. OO”
~ Captain Oblivious on Austin
Bouncywikilogo4
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article completly unrelated to ATX.
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