Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 7

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August 7: Anniversary of the Day The Matrix Stopped Being Cool

  • 1458 - Math matrices (invented August 6, 1458 on a geometrically shaped island in the Sea of Equations) are deemed annoying. This results in the beginning of mathematicians' decline from 'revered intellectuals' to 'irritating know-it-alls', and eventually to their current status, 'dusty old codgers'.
  • 2003 - An adolescent who, for no reason at all, starts mimicking the slow-motion bullet dodge from the first Matrix film on a bus, is appalled to discover that his fellow passengers are not immediately breaking out in applause and high-fives, as is usual whenever any reference to The Matrix is made by anyone at any time.
  • 2004 - A suburban family, watching a toothpaste advertisement featuring characters in black leather doing kung-fu, lets out a bored sigh in complete unison.
  • 2005 - A stand-up comedian, beginning a joke with the words "You take the blue pill", is booed offstage and has his car tires slashed.
  • 2006 - A man is kicked to death for saying "Whoa" in a Keanu-esque fashion.
  • 2008 - Robert Mugabe becomes the 44th President of the USA, announces that the Matrix "is totally not cool" and that people caught watching it "will be shot."
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