Atomic Betty

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Atomic Betty.

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“She huffed me!”
~ Maximus I.Q. on Atomic Betty
Bitch don't sound anything like me!”
~ Jean Grey and Penelope Lang on each other
“I don't have red hair, thiefs!!!”
~ Betty Boop on copyright claims

Atomic Betty is Teletoon's cheap imitation of Star Wars and Kim Possible; like both shows, it is ultimately shitty and a total waste of precious time to masturbate. Interestingly, the name doesn't actually have anything to do with the show itself, as the heroine isn't an atomic bomb.

edit Plot

The story focus on a little bitch/pseudo-prostitute called Betty Barrett, who occasionally is abducted by an elf and a talking dildo and taken to rape extraterrestrial lifeforms which actually resemble regular animals like cats and slugs, under the orders of a walking fish. Without even considering the embarassing situations that occur on Earth while she's absent. The exact nature of these "abductions" is unknown, but the remarkable similarities with Alice in Wonderland lead some to speculate that she's under the effect of drugs. Nobody knows about this, except her grandma, though she has Alzheimer. She also sells drugs, thus confirming the previous speculation. Interestingly, many of the stupid creatures on Betty's twisted drugged mind ask her where her planet (aka Earth, though I think everyone agrees canadians are outsiders) is, though she always gives a sharp "shut the fuck up!"; why Betty is so reluctant in revealing her planet's location is unknown, as it could finish for once and for all the doubt about life on other planets (hopefully whatever happens to Canada will be worse than everywhere else, in case bad things happen).

Afterwards, the third series was named Atomic Betty : Mission : Earth, though at this point everyone had already enough shit, so it never aired outside Adult Swim.

edit Characters

If not abnormally animal-like aliens, (or Abdullah the Butcher) most of the show's characters are retarded human beings from Canada (its a very accurate show).

  • Betty Barrett: the heroine of the show, she is a psychedelic little girl who happens to be high on drugs. She has satanic green eyes and red hair. The Church of Scientology banned her thetan, thus making her a useless piece of shit that dresses like a whore and rapes the crap out of any alien. Therefore, this show is famous for portraying specieism, while its sister, Samurai Jack, promotes an anti-robot aproach a la Sarah Palin. Despite all this, the 17-year-old version of Betty is actually quite sexy.

  • Sparky: a green, Peter Pan-like elf who has a digestive system akin to that of a certain ungulate. He appearently does nothing but to eat and sleep; its difficult to understand why such a useless pimp is part of the heroes' team, but who can argue with canadian non-sense? Anyway, he has a hot mom, but he is the only one who has the right to fuck her. It seems all of Canada's population is his offspring.
  • Robot X-5: a talking dildo who tries very hard to mimic Einstein (but fails, as canadians can't copy jews). He (or she?) is hardly taken seriously by the other characters, who can't understand what he (or she?) says, so he (or she?) usually dies in the end. The name is also very creative (I mean, nobody would ever think of naming a robot Robot, let alone adding a letter and a number to it), as it was made by NASA.
  • Admiral DeGill: Canada's prime minister was parodied in the show as an aberrant talking fish who can walk (though its quite a creative concept, since nobody has ever thought of making a walking fish). He is an arrogant fat ass who sits all day in his chair doing nothing except sending someone else to solve his problems. Many have considered this an offence to USA, since all americans are like that (I'm european, so I couldn't care less).
  • Maximus I.Q.: a british looking cat who always ends up being huffed by someone. In reality is actually the show's hero, though Atomic Betty and the others spoil his plans for peace and love (which, according to the people of North America, are satanical things; check the War in Iraq). Some consider him an hippie, but he's probably just gay. He has a boyfriend called Minimus P.U., who doesn't love him at all.
  • Minimus P.U : a gay and Maximus boyfriend.
Batista Wild

"I'll kill that bitch!"

  • Noah: Betty's "friend" (aka fuck toy), he is a perverted little boy who's brown hair most likely derives from shit on some whore's ass he fucked. He's obviously a reincarnation of Noah, further proving that the Bible sucks.
  • Penelope: a cute and adorable Asian bitch who tries to be friends with Betty, but ends up gang raped in the end of every episode. OMG! The woman who voiced Jean Grey on X-Men voices this kid!
  • Betty's parents: Betty's family, as you can guess, isn't exactly a perfect one (dad's drunk, mom's a whore), so you can imagine what happens in the end of every episode.
  • Beatrixo: Betty's grandma, and an avid drug dealer. She once also took the drugs she sold as well, thus having the same hallucinations as her granddaughter, though now she only takes drugs in case Betty isn't raping aliens successfully.
  • Sir Purrsefus (a.k.a. Purrsey): Betty's cat. He loves her and does anything he can to satisfy her wishes, but, like Penelope, he ends gang raped at the end. Maximus once tried to fuck him, but Betty raped him before he managed to do that.
  • Atomic Roger: an american dumbass who appears every once in a while (plus his twin, who is a very nice and caring person). He too tries to be Betty's friend (and no, he's not gang raped). He dies if Betty is kind enough.
  • Spindly Tam Kanushu: an alien pedophile who teached Betty to be what she is now. Probably the first thing she fucked.
  • Infantor: a cute baby who Betty mercilessly kills if she's on the good mood.
  • WordGirl: uh... NOTHING.
  • The Chameleon: a Godzilla wannabe who changes shape instead of changing his colours (thus his name makes no sense). He once teamed up with Maximus until Betty fucked him.
  • Iciclia: a Jadis wannabe who likes snow, ice, giant eagles, snow, mindless minions, berries, snow, Dingleberry, being young, and snow. She too tries to be friends with Betty, but she and her brother Dingleberry (which happens to be her father) are murdered by Betty in the end.

There's obviously several other characters, but you can imagine how they are.

edit Other media

Atomic Betty evil

Betty's reign of terror continues!

For some strange reason Betty Atomique seems to be quite popular, thus the franchise expanded into books, video games and CDs. There's also a christmas special, which tells the story of Santa's murder at the hands of Betty. You can imagine what happens to kids who buy Betty's stuff.

edit See Also

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