Athena Asamiya

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Athena is deadly!One of a zillion of Athena's different clothes.
Name Athena Asamiya
Blood Type The red kind
Fighting Style Chinese Psychic Kung-Fu
Weapon of Choice Fists
Likes Beating you up, changing or throwing off her clothes, eating your face
Dislikes Bao, you, and bakers
Love Interests Oscar Wilde

Athena Asamiya is a movie star, actor, magical girl, fashion model, and singer who beats people up and repeatedly changes her clothes, both usually for no good reason. Famous for starring in a long string of video games where you beat people up, Athena Asamiya was regarded as one of the No. 1 people-beater-uppers up until 2002. She is obviously Bison's second clone, but was rejected by him since she didn't wear clothes that went up her buttcheeks.

Early Life

Athena was born many years ago as a goddess who got bored of Olympus and jumped out a window to go fight monsters wearing only a bikini for some crazy reason. After inadvertently saving the world, she continued to live her life until eventually she somehow died from a heart attack and came back as a simple Japanese girl in a seifuku who attended high school. As you can expect, no one really knew about this (not even Athena herself), but at the same time, nobody honestly cared either. She lived her life as a normal girl until she began to realize she had psychic powers, and from that day forward, she started her own psychic hotline as a sidejob. Of course, that failed, because nobody believes in those psychic hotlines. Only desperate fools do.

Athena!

Athena at a photo shoot. By the way, that's not ketchup she's standing in. :)

The Psycho Soldiers

During her adventures in the world of psychic hotlines, she happened to meet an old man from the Vietnam War named Chin Gentsai, who, just conveniently, happened to be a practitioner of a made-up art called "Psychic Kung-Fu". Seeing the potential in Athena, he took her under his wing (rather forcibly) and paired her up with this nerd named Sie Kensou and forced them to train. That training would come in handy, as a race of aliens who were a bunch of jerks came to Earth and started invading. So, Gentsai had them both go into action, with Athena singing her theme song while killing the aliens and at one point they blew up a building full of people. But it didn't matter, they were all going to die at some point anyway. After destroying the alien menace by singing him to death, the Psycho Soldiers were given a medal... then promptly exiled away from Japan.

The King of Fighters tournaments

Some years after the fiasco, and after Athena started a wonderful career as a teeny-bopper pop star and movie actor, the King of Fighters tournament came into being, and Gentsai saw this as an opportunity not only to improve Kensou and Athena's skills, but to get a lot of money out of it so he could spend it on all on high-quality booze. Athena, who had now dyed her hair purple and taken to wearing costumes almost every day or week, was eager to brutally maim people with her psychic kung-fu and thus got into the tournament, dragging Kensou with her. The Psycho Soliders competed in several of these KOF tournaments until Gentsai broke his hip and became geriatric, thus causing their disbandment. Athena, however, continued to fight all alone till the Psycho Soldiers came back to form, but this time with some queer girl who attacks people with her butt and Kensou the unfortunate meat shield.

One of the most notable things of mention about Athena during her entire career through the years in KOF is that she never seemed to age, like Dick Clark. Either she is his daughter or she's using a lot of make-up to hide her aging.

Just recently, she's been fighting a clone of her. I'm not sure, probably is...

Death

It was not until November 23rd, 2007 when Athena “disappeared”. Upon inspection of her apartment, it was found that there were signs of eating having taken place, as most of the furniture in her room had been halfway devoured as well as the majority of her clothes. At first, police suspected it might have been the work of a grue, but soon came to find out the true culprit: Roseanne.

“She was delicious!”
~ Roseanne on Athena Asamiya

Terry Bogard, one of the people who knew Athena, said that this was a rather ironic death, as during the King of Fighters tournament in 2001, she promptly ate one of her teammates, a little kid named Bao. They say that the reason that prompted this is that she mistook his strange poofy orange hat for a mushroom and quickly devoured him. When it was all over, nobody bothered to do anything about it because they never really liked him anyways.

Regardless in spite of this, Athena appears regularly still in the KOF video games, as SNK considers her real life death "non-canon". And even then, her voice actor is replaced every year because the developers are too cheap to keep them on a constant payroll. Notable Athena voice actors are: George Clooney, Adam Sandler, the Olsen Twins (both at the same time), Adolf Hitler, Hulk Hogan, Lydia Lunch and Steve Urkel.

Her Special Attacks

  • Psycho Ball - Athena runs off and starts a spectacular costume ball full of insanity. The damage is done when she does not invite the opponent, which makes them enter severe depression out of rejection.
  • Psycho Sword - She pulls out a plastic sword and starts beating her opponent with it.
  • Psycho Reflector - Athena watches her opponent through a reflector. Objects are closer than they appear.
  • Psycho Teleport - Athena teleports away and never comes back.
  • Psycho - Athena surrounds her opponent in a curtain and bathtub, where they proceed to shower. She then grabs a knife and sneaks up on her victim, who screams before she starts stabbing them into unconsciousness.
  • Psychic Throw - She grabs her foe and throws them helluva far, like Mr. T.
  • Phoenix Arrow - When she does this move, she kills a phoenix and turns it into an arrow, then fires it at you.
  • Shining Crystal Bit - She pulls out a crystal and tries to bite it. The result is that she breaks a tooth off.
  • Super Phoenix Arrow - Like the regular Phoenix Arrow, only she kills several thousand phoenixes to do it and it gets the PETA and World Wildlife Fund on her ass and they try to sue her. She sues them back.
  • Psychic 9 - She starts changing clothes at the speed of Mach9.
  • Psycho Crusher - An attack that was NOT stolen from Street Fighter, even though it looks exactly like it.

Filmography

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Athena Asamiya.
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