Atheist Alliance of America

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AAA1

The logo of the AAA.

The Atheist Alliance of America, more commonly known as the AAA, is an American non-profit organization that provides atheistic support for people who have broken down on the highway. The organization defends civil rights and liberties of car owners up and down the country and advances the argument against the fact that God created cars in the state they are today and that instead cars evolved.

The Alliance has 7,500 members in the USA, a pittance equal to the number of people with serious mental illness, which is incidentally the same as the number of supporters of the Tea Party. Most members are trained mechanical engineers and aren't too bothered about the being-an-atheist bit, which has caused a large stir among fundamentalists in the alliance.

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Origin

The Atheist Alliance of America was founded in the 1950s and so suspiciously coincided with the era of the "Red Scare". Most members of the alliance were immediately labelled as communists and heretics and put to the electric chair by Senator McCarthy for "exercising their right to free speech without God's consent". Those who survived the 1950s carried on the alliance and began training themselves to solve mechanical problems associated with cars.

Many in the atheist alliance disagree with the blatant empirical evidence that the organization was founded in the 1950s and actually believe that the organization was formed 13.77 billion years ago from simple matter and that it therefore has no purpose behind it other than to allow socialists to protest against the American government under a different banner.

Most people (atheists and theists) do agree however that the views that are used in the alliance stem from the giant supernova-like explosion in which a certain Tsar got too big for his boots and exploded leaving a shroud of Bolshevik peasants who would create a brand new world with a new ideology. Most of the population therefore does not take the AAA seriously as it is generally accepted (even among atheists) to be a communist organization in disguise. For a far more liberal, less boastful organization, atheists usually choose to join the God Can Piss Off because I Like Richard Dawkins Society.

Charitable actions

AAA

The AAA attempting to give atheist counciling to a driver of a stranded vehicle in an attempt to make the car work.

Break-down recovery

The AAA owns over 1000 break-down recovery vehicles and operates from stations around the USA. The members of the alliance use various techniques to fix broken down vehicles that only they as atheists have knowledge of. These complicated techniques, which most who aren't quantum phsicists like themselves cannot grasp, include hitting the engine multiple times with a hammer, banging their head on the car body when that fails, trying to make the car take a brethalyzer test, screaming "God help me!" in an overly ironic tone, snapping the window-wipers off in frustration, turning the ignition key so many times the key snaps and re-inflating the tires to make it look like they are fixing the vehicle.

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Producing and distributing free batteries

As many people know triple-A batteries last longer, much longer. The AAA have recently overtaken their rivals, the Christian World Aid Charity, to becoming the World's leading provider of free batteries to people in need. There were two reasons behind this. Firstly that RS batteries provided by the Christian World Aid Charity were based on spiritual guidance and hope to provide energy and contained no stored chemical energy inside them unlike the AAA batteries which contain stored chemical energy and are proven to work. There is little empirical evidence that RS batteries actually work but theists dispute that this is true as they say that if you look outside empirical evidence the batteries are working in ways we can't understand and ways we can't interact with our senses to realise the batteries are working. Secondly the Christian World Aid Charity only gives batteries to devout believers of the Christian God and only actually distributes them to rich people in first world countries who could afford these batteries anyway.

Converting the Masses

Many leading atheists in the AAA go out into the wide world to convert the masses. These people are known as missionaries and do simple jobs such as converting a five kilogram mass into a ten kilogram mass simply by adding on five kilograms. More highly trained missionaries convert the masses with one scale, such as kilograms, into a different scale, such as pounds and vice versa. To be able to be a missionary you must own a calculator and be good at primary school math and therefore only a very small number of the alliance have the capacity to apply for this prestigious job.

Famous court cases

SmugAtheist

This atheist thinks he's clever wearing that T-Shirt but so do all the theists when they wear it as well.

The Brown vs. Topeka court case was famous for desegregating schools in the South of the USA so that black and whites children could receive equal education alongside each other. Anyone who has association with this case is thought of very highly in the US and is hence why the AAA lay claim to being associated with it despite lack of any evidence that they were bar from the well-known fact that atheism promotes morality and equality whereas theism does not.

The O'Hair v. Paine court case in which Paine, a religious fundamentalist, attempted to prevent NASA from going into space as pictures taken of the Earth from space might reveal that the Earth is not banana shaped despite the fact that as he and many other theists believed at the time the devil uses an optical illusion to convince us that the Earth is spherical. This was a succesful case for the theists and still today there is no empirical evidence that the Earth is round opposing what many atheists claim.

The American Atheists, Inc., and Steve Walker vs. City of Detroit, City of Detroit Downtown Development Authority, and Detroit Economic Growth Corporation was a first real success for the atheists as they succesfully disproved God as how could an all-knowing, all-powerful being have made a human that could have come up with that bad a title for a court case. As an aside they also proved that the opinion shared by most Americans that Detroit is the worst city in the USA, is actually a fact.

Criticism

Many theists oppose the AAA and attack it's left-wing bias. A common nickname given to it is the Association of Arrogant Assholes, which George Bush himself takes pride in coming up with.

George Bush when told by the leader of the alliance in 2004, Mrs. Godisadelusion (who legally changed her name) that she did not believe that God had anything to do with invading Iraq, was heard to exclaim, "She calls herself a theist and yet she doesn't believe in God!" He was then told by his advisors that atheist and a theist were two completely different things.

More criticism came from Mitt Romney who attempted to close down the AAA as it was a disrespectful, illegal society with no logical reasoning behind it. His proposed 28th ammendment of the US constitution was to ban science. However the Supreme Court forbid this action. Later on Mitt Romney accused the Supreme Court of being full of lefty, atheist, communist, liberal, fascist, freedom-stealing scum who ruined the constitution of America. Ed Miliband jumped in and agreed with Mitt Romney, so that he could get support from the British public for being US friendly, before remembering that his right-wing ideals couldn't get in the way of leading the Labour Party.

CommAtheist

The AA prides itself with having no political influence unlike their US counterpart.

William Lane Craig joined in and pointed out the flaws in the atheistic methods of the AAA: "You can't just fix a car by doing the atheistic version of praying to the atheistic version of God." Richard Dawkins replied by saying, "Shut up you twat, you obviously haven't got round the fact that atheism is the absence of God yet have you? By the way being religious makes you a pervert. Why? Well it just does." William Lane Craig rebuttled Dawkins by saying, "Don't be silly, the first most logical thing you can see is that there plainly is a God, that is the most certain thing in the Universe. There just is a God, you don't need proof of that blatantly obvious empirical fact. Being rational, logical people, atheists do have a God however their God just doesn't exist."

The AA

The AA is the British equivalent of the AAA, it stands for the "Alliance of Atheists." As with most things British, the Brits believed they founded the organisation before any other country, blatantly ignoring the Roman or Chinese organisations, and so do not bother to add the word "British" to their organisation name. The AA itself is government funded despite the fact that the Briish state is bound with religion.

See Also

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