At what age do you stop flushing when you poop? I'm wondering because I've seen one too many truck stop restrooms and I think it's kind of an assey thing to do, isn't it? Isn't it?
Well, I think it is. I think it's a downright assey thing to do. Just once, just fucking once I'd like to go into a public restroom and not have to flush the toilet and wipe all the pee off of the toilet lid. Will it happen? Probably not. How old do you think these guys are? They're probably at least in their late thirties. I mean, it takes at least that long to lose faith in all existence, doesn't it? I mean, to become so utterly lost and nihilistic that you don't even bother to flush your turds down the potty hole? I sure hope so.
I mean, do old guys even flush at all? I doubt it. Even the ones who don't wear diapers, I bet they still don't flush. I bet they forget and go watch Matlock or something. I know an old guy who watches MASH. I'm pretty sure he doesn't flush.
What if you don't start?
Holy shit. I just thought of something. What if these guys never learned to flush? I mean, like ever?
Maybe they grew up in the middle east or something and there was just never the resources to teach these guys. Like maybe they only had the first half of the Sesame Street potty episode and they never learned that flushing is important? And what if those same uneducated middle easterners immigrated to the U.S. (after being carefully searched for bombs) and the only job they could find was that of truck drivers? I mean, it would make a lot of sense.
What if they had abusive parents who never bothered to potty train them? Sure, by the time they reached high school they would've figured most of it out, but I mean why would they care about the handle if they never learned to use it? Probably not. For those people, it's fortunate they learned to talk probably.
Seriously though, what age do people stop?
I'm asking on average, of course. I don't think there's an exact date and time for every single person where they're just like "Fuck it, I don't care anymore. I'm done with flushing."
I do think, however, there's a general area, a "sweet spot" of broken spirited apathy, where the flushing just flat out stops. Isn't it sad? Those pathetic bastards. I feel sorry for them now, not angry.
Alright. I admit it.
I'm the guy. I've never flushed the toilet before. Also, I'm the only one. That time five years ago in the rest stop in Iowa? Remember that? Yeah, that was me. Also, remember that time you went hiking up Mt.Kilimanjaro and you were going to go shit by a bush only to find a turd already there and not covered in mountain rocks? That was me too. Are you happy? It's not my fault. I was raised by worms. They don't have thumbs! They couldn't have taught me to flush, now could they?
You don't think I'm polite? Well fuck you. Fuck you good. I hate you and can poop how I want. Go eat shit and die. I left some for you, by the way. Better enjoy it, you ungrateful bastard.
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