At A Movie Theater Which Arm Rest Is Yours?

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 07:52, July 27, 2011 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
At A Movie Theater Which Arm Rest Is Yours? The selection of an arm rest at a movie theater is always a hard challenge, as choosing a particular side may upset or hassle the person next to you.
Seat

Which arm rest ? Damn you society, you are to challenging.

If it's like kissing, statistically 80% of people should do it wrong anyway.

The Answer To End All Answers

Well I'm sorry but there are no correct answers to this question or we could pretend this is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? 42?

Ways To Successfully Acquire Both

The most popular and lucrative way to have control over both armrests is to put on a fake identity. This is not like a costume or something outrageous, but to act brainlessly, you can drool and mumble about time and other stupid philosophical things, in no time you will have the whole row to yourself, sweet :) Or if acting stupid doesn't work you can arm wrestle for control.

OR

Go with your mates and rather than sitting next to each other, piss everyone off by leaving a seat between you. This also ensures that your cheap buddies won't drink your Irn Bru (buy one get one free).

OR

Sit on the floor at the front. No need for armrests then.

OR

Only see really crappy movies where it's guaranteed that no one will be sitting next to you (i.e. Titanic, anything with Hugh Grant in and that one with the Hobbits).

OR

On the rare occasion where you may wish to see an actual good film (i.e. Pokemon: Ash Dies At Last or the one with the hairdresser that was Borat in another film) you can wear a t-shirt saying something dodgy like, "Bollocks on Toast" or "You're staring at my nipples". Or one with a picture of Hugh Grant on.

OR

Cut off your arms. Problem solved.

OR

Break wind regularly.


What One Must Bear in Mind

You may think that this is a decision of where to rest your forelimbs, but there is as much gravity to the situation as there is coming out of Oscar Wilde's testicles. Quite a lot.

So, it is essential to choose with care. It would be foolish to plonk your elbow into the groin of a serial-killer, eyes-as-mad-as-dad-after-the-washing-up kinda butch lesbian. No? Do an image search for "butch lesbian kills little guy who elbowed her groin" if you don't believe me. The whole of Western civilisation depends on such etiquette as where one's elbow resides.

So there are certain rules to follow to aid you in this decision:

  1. Don't be a complete dick.
  2. If it's someone you could beat up sitting next to you, risk it.
  3. If you find them mildly attractive (albeit in the dark) risk it and you might get lucky, if you don't you might be able to steal their M&Ms.
  4. NEVER steal an armrest from an old lady with a walking stick. She is probably really strong.
  5. If you sit next to someone with a snack, put your arm on their side to piss them off.
  6. Remember the butch lesbian.
  7. Try your hardest to look like you're enjoying the movie and then wildly "SSSSSSHHHHHHH!" people if they complain about where your hand is.

Oh yeah, and if you ignored rule 1, run like hell when the movie's finished.

Personal tools
projects