Asylums

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“Oh! Notre-Dame et nous te demandons asile! Asile!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Asylum

Created in the late 1980s, asylums are areas where congregations of goths and emo kids go to engage in kitten huffing within the crowded basements of nerd conventions. Usually, though not necessarily always (especially on Thursday), these groups would often come together for special occasions and harvest hairballs from kittens and sell the substance to highly underpaid workers of the Canadian Fishermen's Association along with the rest of the general public.

[edit] The Backround of The Lost War

Darth Elmo in his pre-suicidal days. To his right is his DEATH BALL!!!

The creation of asylums dates back to the destruction of the fad of Yu-Gi Oh and Pokemon cards thus bringing along the Great Depression and the conversion of more average people into goths. It was in this time that the Emperor of The World declared universal conquest on people who would dare deny the will of him and his warriors made of every flavor of pie imaginable. To counter the menace, along with the growing threat of the Axle of Evil, taxes were raised ludicrously high in order for the free countries of the world (now limited only to Long Island, France, Jamaica, and Narnia) to gather enough money to ensure the alliance of Darth Elmo. Although the offer of about $20 was tempting he wanted one more extra perk. Needless to say the countries of the world declined his offer once he promised his alliance only if they would run Sesame Street 25 hours a day every day every leap year. Upon this news, Darth Elmo committed suicide and marked the beginning of the golden age of The Universal Alliance of Really Big Babies. However, the war did not fare well for the free nations of the world. Being cut of from their major source of video games (a.k.a. Japan) the people of the free nations became a bunch of wusses and created protests and revolts which caused a worldwide panic that is now only remember in ages past. After this age of lost knowledge it is unknown what happened to Narnia, The Emperor of The World, or Long Island but it is believed that files on the information of this past age is still hidden in a file cabinet of a CIA agent named Marvin within the compound of Area 52 (not to be confused with Area 51).

[edit] The Rise of Asylums

Even though none know exactly what the outcome of this surprisingly non-historic war was some theories point towards the concept that the Soviets were the last remanants of the free nations. Even so, the aftermath of the war was the almost complete conversion of people around the world into the categories of either goths, emo kids, nerds, hippies, or Chippendales. Because the conversion of the early start of the conversion of people into goths and emo kids these groups were easily the largest. In this time the constantly brooding goths and emo kids of the survivors of the war now had nowhere to go. Though many are not positively sure why many records pointed towards the unpopularity of this part of the populace it is theorized that it had something to do with the belief that the will to live was drained by the touch of these people in a similar manner to the draining of mana by a soulstealer, a personal bodyguard of the ice cream goddess known only today as Joanna (sister of Oprah). In perspective we were foolish to believe this. During recent surveys it has been shown that only a direct relationship with goths and consumption exists. In any case, because of this predicament the equally unpopular nerd populace believed it would be of mutual benefit to both parties if they would join forces side by side and pwn those who they hated. However, when they did try to do this they found out that their poems and seventy-sided dice didn't really have any effect on those who were their enemies. Due to this they resolved to host conventions as an underground operation for the nerd populace while the goths could do all the dirty work harvesting the hairballs of kittens (and at times larger wilder cats for a longer huffing period and for a more exotic sensation). When it was found that this plan did work the leaders of both groups signed the agreement now known as the Submergence into the Hairball Industry Treaty (from here on this agreement will be referred to as the SHIT agreement).

[edit] Recent Times

After the creation of this treaty not much had changed except for the alarming amount of events that occurred after the discovery of SHIT to the other parties of the world. At first many expectant mothers grew afraid to bare a child in a society with normally occurring underground hairball harvesting operations. Due to this many people moved out of areas with asylums and moved to areas which included, but were not limited to Sweden, Antarctica, Mars, and New Long Island. This dramatic increase in emmigration caused many political figures to be as angered and disturbed like Mike Tyson in the ring. After the analysis of all aspects of the communities with increase emmigration rates the government determined that the spike in emmigration was caused by the wrath of a supernatural entities. They called this entities leprechauns. When it became apparent that leprechauns were not the source of the problem they hired a scapegoat who they could blame the whole ordeal on. This scapegoat's name was Hilary Clinton (of Russia not the US). When laws had been passed by the World Order against the future operations of asylums, one anonymous person had reportedly bribed the congressmen with a few billion dollars to veto the law. Although we may never be sure who did do this act it is obviously the act of Bill Gates or The Monopoly Man, the only people in history who would have had enough money to actually pull off an act like this (duh...).

[edit] People Who Benefitted From SHIT

In general terms, most people involved in the mafia, sports, crackheads, nerds, and stockholders have been benefited by the success of SHIT. Though victorious, the goths and emo kids have not felt any happiness due to their multibillion dollar industry. When people of both parties were questioned why they reportedly said,"We don't believe in fulfillment."

[edit] People Who Were Hindered by SHIT

Everyone else and people who don't know SHIT

[edit] Just In Case You Didn't Know...

1. ...if you wanted to learn about institutions for the mentally instable then this article is irrelevent.
2. ...that's it...
3. ...you can go away now....
4. shoo!
5. get the fuck out of my head!!