Ass
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“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Unlikely, not with that big ol ass to land on.”
~ Lame pickup line on asses
“Everyone I know has a big butt, lets talk about your big butt.”
~ Peewee Herman on butts
“In Soviet Russia, ass goes up YOU!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on asses
“I like big butts and I cannot tell a lie.”
~ George harrison on Sir Mix-a-Lot
“Small butts, big butts, jiggly butts, I kick them all.”
~ Oscar Wilde on butts
cAn Ass is a donkey (or a storage unit for marbles). Scientists have been in a heated dispute on the matter of naming a donkey's hindquarters. Though asses are animals, they are kicked by little boys throughout history due to the word ass. The asses, which, as mentioned before, are donkeys, have asses. So this is an evil circle...
One of the three most popular parts of the human body, the ass has been the butt of many jokes and a massive area of focus by the public at large.
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[edit] General ass info
Women's asses can be extremely sexy, but their primary function is exporting brown chocolate. If you get excited by the following content, you are in good company. Most people are sexually enraged by the taste of hardened chocolate feces.
In some small town locations -- "Real America" -- a human ass can be used to heal the sick. In these locations, the ass is referred to as a "Bush," and / or a "Republican." The latter is known for their love of fat women and mouths of young boys and girls. However, the preacher enjoys only the company of young boys.
Canadians have an unhealthy hatred for the ass; particularly because the Queen of England has neither a buttocks, or an anus. If an American sailor says the word "ASS" in Canada, he will be attacked by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police. RCMP motto: "Whoever smelt it, dealt it." The punishment is a $10,000.00 fine and a mandatory plunger fucking.
[edit] Asses in other Cultures Levels of Hell
Many asses exist in different dimensions. In other words, asses don't just come from the United States or France. The Magnificent Democratic Online-Gaming Republic of South Corea (MDOGRSC) Have many, many asses (because they're computers are better then mine.). Usually in the form of Asian chicks or Pancakes. Go deeper, there are Latin chicks and Martinis. And in the very bottom (for killed rappers) is full of black chicks with champagne served.
[edit] Rimming
Frowned upon in the upper class socialite circles, the rimjob is a sexual practice that has been enjoyed for centuries around the world. Exceptionally common in Calcutta, India; Birmingham, Birminghamville; Birminghamton, Bolsover, Mianus, Saskatchewan; the Dnieper River in Russia, your mother's bedroom (believe us; we know.), Las Vegas, Nevada, Alabama (Our lady's anal haven), USA, and Rob's Bedroom too. But really, what can't you find in Vegas these days?
[edit] Religious Restrictions
Vaginas, however, are another matter. Just ask Bizzy Bone.
Christians and Jehovah's Witnesses probably should not use the ass cavity for sex, as it may anger their boss of love, who will then throw them into a pitiless pit of anal rape snakes for all eternity.
Note: 100% of Repressed homosexual (c)hristian men are now secretly praying to Satan.
[edit] The Point of Anal Sex
It is said that Chris Veader might have invented Anal sex, although many argue to the topic.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Recent theories put forward by Dr. Svendsen of the Swedish Institute for Rectal Research (S.I.R.R), suggests that while it is common knowledge that the penis is inserted in the woman´s vagina to, among other things, induce a womb-like state in men, it is now thought that inserting it anally will produce a sort of getting-back-at-the-old-man type of feeling. The father-figure is often thought to be an "anal" character in Freudian and other schools of psychology, and it seems only logical to think that ramming your Johnson up your lady´s or guy's Hershey Highway is just another way of saying "Up yours, Dad!". Dr. Svendsen has been much criticized lately for being "full of shit" by the Swedish medical community, which makes you wonder if that isn´t the man´s whole point to begin with.
Despite his claims to the contrary, Al Gore did not invent anal sex.
In Polish language, word 'dupa' means 'buttocks' and elbow bacon, either or it depends on context.
Many alien cultures contribute anal sex (Probes) to children.
Straight men would do too, interestingly, men and women can be equal on one thing: everyone has (if not IS) an asshole. In Nigeria, asshole is a dish served by most elderly, and where the term "Eating grandma's asshole" or "Faceplanting into grandma's tastey asshole" was born.
[edit] Ass or Tits
In a male popularity poll on January,2,2009 a survey was conducted on every male in the United States from the ages of 18 to 30 on what part of the female anatomy looks better Ass or Tits. Men prefer A girls ass to a girls tits 60-40 thus making the ass the sexiest part of the female body by the male perspective (if they are straight).
[edit] Ass vs. Arse
In Britain ass is spelled "arse", and sometimes pronounced like that. However, this is the incorrect spelling. Brits have been fucked in the ass so often they can no longer correctly prnounce or spell certain words. They like to walk around with twigs up their arses and ask people for a spot o tea govnor. They somehow preserve the ridiculous notion that as the native speakers of their language they are entitled to spell words however the fuck they want.(ridiculous statement? discuss) On the other hand, Americans forgot how to spell arse, and when writing the big book of speaking (see American history) decided to replace the word, with one that sounded a bit like it. Still the debate goes on.
[edit] See Also
- Your mom
- Booty Contest
- Donkey
- Arse Photos
- Smartass
- Gluteus Maximus
- Jennifer Lopez
- Kylie Minogue
- The Blonde Ones' Arse
- Ass Man
- Batista
- Woodrow Wilson
- 50 Cent
- George W. Bush
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