A Splode
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
THIS ARTICLE A SPLODE.
“A little a splosion is SHIT a dangerous thing, just like sex, and a great deal of it is absolutely hilarious”
~ Oscar Wilde on A splode
"Your head a splode."
~ Vector Strong Bad on A splode
"His head just a splode"
~ A splode
“I a splode your head with my intercontinental balistic sidewinder missiles!”
~ Kim Jong Ill
“the A splosion was totaly awesplosive!”
“Now nothing's going to taste right”
~ Jeeves after being shot by this guy
“...”
~ Gordon Freeman on A splode
“101 UR /\/\0/\/\ 4 5P10D3”
~ Random 12 Year Old on the Internets on A splode
A splode is the process of explosion but in a “ka-blooey” way that might be described as "ka-gooey". Most a splosions do not necessarily require explosives or fire for it to a splode. A splosions can be found in places where there is a buildup of a high outward force (such as where there is too much confusion). A splosions are (naturally) rare and beautiful events, much like the event horizon of a black hole, but less spaghettified.
The discovery of a splosions dates back to the 1900s when explodologists were developing a new form of rapid expanding energy force [I am not kidding]. Explodogists had been experimenting with explosions to develop a replacement for the common horse. They found that when materials that normally did not react with organic material, such as snacks and people, would a splode if the mass of the objects were a prime number. The explodogists named this reaction the I Can See it A Splode Principle. They could not determine why this happened due to the lack of technology.
While explodogists worked further into researching the cause of a splode, scientists researched into historical accounts of a splode. The earliest record of a sploding dates back to the Triassic period. There was a hypothesis that, in addition to the possible asteroid, a splode played a role in the extinction of many animals. Many animals may have suffered spontaneous a splosions (See spontaneus a splosions below).
Thornton Wilder was secretly an explodogist, and he snuck his own Deadly Splosion theory into his play, Our Town:
"Y'know what I think, George? I think the moon's getting nearer and nearer, and there's gonna be a big splosion!"
Recent studies show that this would cause the whole planet to a splode, making a splosion that would a splode everything that can possibly be a sploded.
During the 1950s, the microwave oven was developed and sold to many households[I am not kidding]. Some users microwaved food that was non-porous or microwaved a glass of water. When taken out of the microwave, users placed the food or glass of water on the table. As they did this, the food or glass of water seemed to miraculously a splode! The scientific community was astonished that they may have discovered the cause of a splode. However, when thorough research was performed, a conspiracy was uncovered, involving ducks and a Great White Shark, who were plotting to take over the world by introducing a device that would cause food to a splode (such as the famous A Sploding Pie), which in turn would generate enough laughter and hilarity to destabilise and a splode the world. Come off that then, that's not funny.
Another recent exploration of a splosionating is credited to Deidara (see: Transvestite) seen in anime Naruto (see: crap). He causes peoples who cannot comprehend his 1337 art to a splode. Also, he/she is subject to butthurt from fangirls.
Today, we know the cause of a splosions thanks to greatly improved scientific equipment and resources (such as the computer and Uncyclopedia).
Contents |
[edit] Etymology
The term "A Splode" comes from the Greek Asp, meaning “Asp” and the Latin Lodere meaning “Ka-Blooey!” ['kuh:blooh:ih]
[edit] How a splode works
“Lucy, you got some a'splodin to do on the end of my knob.”
~ Ricky from I Love Lucy
A sploding, not to be confused with ass-ploding (See Fart), is the process in which Asps – which we all know are the major constituent of quarks and leptons – suddenly start craving Cheetos made by leprechaun migrant workers. Unfortunately, due to the size of the Asps, Cheetos cannot be delivered in the bite-size pieces that they desire. (No, not even those crumbs that are left at the end. Mmmm, crumbs...) This causes the Asps to a selerate in every direction known to humans (and 7 others known only to ostriches) in the search for Cheetos of the right size.
However, due to the incredibly strong attraction between the Asps and their non-existent Penises, such a large energy force is created in such a small vicinity that all surrounding material implodes. Unfortunately, this results in an extremely dense area forming sans-Asp, a.k.a. a black hole. Luckily, this style of anal hole only exists for a fraction of a second as the Asps get bored due to their incredibly short attention span and forget why they weren't chillin' at their crib.
On a macroscopic scale, the a sploding object appears to combust and you suddenly lose all your Cheetos. However, the onlooker will suddenly be propositioned by an unsavory amount of Doritos. On impact with air, much like anti-matter, a splosions will a splode, sending chips and cracks flying down your trousers. Then, in a blanket of chips and cracks, you will die, mercilessly scattered among the rocks and other rod like things.
[edit] Causes of A Splosion
These are the major causes of A Splosion
1. Getting sucked in by a Jet Engine
2. Reading Wikipedia
3. Getting run over by a sports car
4. Playing Starcraft
5. Getting hit by a nuclear tennis ball
6. Messing with investment models parameters
7. Using a microwave oven secretly built by ducks trying to take over the world.
8. Holding your farts in (WARNING: Medic(Dick)al experts strongly advise against this activity as it will cause your farts to travel up your spine into your brain, and give you shitty thoughts.)
9. Totching the percussion.
10. Preps
11. Hannah Montana music(Acctualy causes a slow and painful death, such as self hanging.).
12. Result of too much hot sauce poured up your nose.
13. Not hugging an asian chick. If an asian chick wants a hug and you do not give her one, it will cause the biggest asplosion know to earth, so save the earth, be a hippy, hug an asian.
14. When a Trombone player uses 7th position
16. Visiting the nuclear plant when the workers are on strike
17. Having Vector Strong Bad throw a Weird square at you is know to cause your head to a splode (Note: only works in the Homestar Runner universe, and possibly Mexico).
18. Roundhouse kicked in the back of the face by Chuck Norris.
19. Dancing with the stars(also causes suicide).
20. Shot in the face by a 50. cal.
21. Crapped on by a flying cow.
22. Being that guy on the picture as shown below.
23. Dividing by zero
24. Being JFK
25. Have a dream.
26. Swallowing your lazah!
27. Having The Retardis land on your head
28. Dick Cheney stares into your eyes(KABOOM)
29. Getting into a discussion with DnD nerds regarding whether 3.5 or 4.0 is better.
30. Insulting Deidara's artwork.
31. Banging your Grand Mama(Causes a'splosion of nob and head.)
32. Pissing of a Smurf
33. Readin this article
34. Edeting this article
35. Watching Spierman 3
36. Accepting a man's invitation to watching gay porn in his truck on his laptop. (unless he is Cuban, Asian, English, or Polish)
37. Having intercorse with an alien
38. Being 341 pounds, your fat will collide against your jelly vibes and u will asplode like n00bcake.
39. IMA FIRING MAH LAZER!
40. Rofling for over 7 minutes
41. Applying fruits to Nazis
42. Holding your breath
43. Being Osama Bin Laden(THE ULTIMATE RULER OF THE WORLD)
44."HI!! BILLY MAYS HERE!!" *ASPLOSION*
45. Having an orgasm at the exact moment of a solar flare
[edit] Spontaneous a splosions
“Yeah, like that can happen.”
~ Captain Sarcasm on spontaneous a splosions
“Spontaneous a splosions are mostly unasplained.”
~ Captain Obvious on spontaneous a splosions
Spontaneous a splosion is a process that has been carefully studied. Although there is still much to discover, several theoretical explanations have been created.
[edit] Go ahead a splode
Main article: SASHS
SASHS (Sudden A Sploded Head Syndrome), also known in the pseudo-scientific community as Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis, or HCE, is a condition believed to be caused by overloading the brain with the body's own electricity through intense thinking and concentration, resulting in the spontaneous combustion or volatile a splosion of the patient's head.
[edit] A splode you a go
Spontaneous a splosions that occur to humans and a few animals result in a split-second severe mental insanity. When people are repeatedly stressed or their mood abruptly changes to anger, their body cannot handle this pressure very well. If the body is not capable of suppressing this anger or stress, it can result in a splode without warning from a chemical equilibrium imbalance. A splosion may also be caused by holding in farts too long, causing intestinal gasses to ignite, watching YouTube Poops regularly, or by looking directly at the operational end of The Device.
This disorder is the result of the genetic makeup of that person. People with a life-long career that deals with troublesome areas, such as technical support or administrative work, will have a greater chance of a sploding.
[edit] Spontaneous a splosions
There is no cure, but there are treatment options.
[edit] Fruit a splosions
A splosions can occur in some fruits without any reason. Cases of a splode in fruits include Fruitopia and the mysterious fruit-a-splode-in-your-face-when-you-eat-it affliction. In Fruitopia, fruits a splode into a delicious drink. Fruit-a-splode-in-your-face-when-you-eat-it usually occurs when someone is about to take a bite of a fresh, juicy fruit. The cause of spontaneous fruit a splode is not known. Pictured here is the famous instance of Adolf Hitler attempting to eat a sploding watermelon at a demonstration at Bergen-Belsen. Shortly thereafter, he turned to his unidentified female companion and roared "Damn, this is just like last night!"
A fruitcake is the opposite of fruit a splosions. Instead of an a sploding outward force, fruit is drawn into its centre core while rapidly increasing in mass.
[edit] Terrorist a splosions
The everyday terrorist usually a splode, while holding a dentonator, shouting "JIHAD!!!"
[edit] Kidney a splosions
Most commonly found in people who have been doing the Atkins diet for several years. The weakened kidneys reach a critical state where they a splode abruptly. It's not uncommon to ear a low-carber utter the words "my kidneys a splode!" Despite their a sploded kidneys, they do not die and continue ambling about as lively as ever, much to the frustration of medical experts.
[edit] Kitten a splosion
The finest and most appropriate time to huff kittens is revealed after a kitten a splodes. The process is long and arduous leading up to a kitten a splosion. It is necessary to achieve a seven eighths vote in the Kitten Senate and a five fourths vote in the House. After the congressional requirements are satisfied the kitten's mother must approve the request and a splode its offspring personally with none other than a crossbow (What?!?)
[edit] Asplosion Reactor
A new study has shown that scientist are now able to tap into the power of an asplosion and create an asplosion reactor, a relatively shaky new reactor for space-craft and chuck norris' foot, which is believed to be the cause of such devestation. As a result all Space-craft with Asplosion reactors REALLY SUCK! Because they crash daily. Of course if you believe that you must be a Wikipedia admin or something, because Asploding is the best thing that can possibly happen. Ever. Period.
Mudkip Asplotion : is when a mudkip pos uot your ass and screams like ablack guy "i mah firerin mah laZah" then procede to aspode you with his lazer.
[edit] Applications of a splode
“I sure a sploded that bitch.”
~ Marc Antony on Cleopatra
A splode is often used in the media as a more colourful and vibrant explosion. Such example would be a car chase scene. Instead of the car exploding, the occupants of the car would a splode. When a splosions are used effectively, it manifests a brilliance that natural a splodes display.
[edit] Use By Noobs
N00bs use the term asplode as a form of 13375p33k. For example:
N0n-N00b: Lol I pwnt u with a rocket launcher!
N00b: Oh teh noes!!! I am asplode!!11!eleventyone!!
N0n-N00b: Wtf?
[edit] A splode simulation
It is possible to replicate a miniature a splosion by using some sort of external energy or force, such as a large hammer against a brittle rock.
A common example that is taught in science class at school is the water balloon. The water balloon is a safe and easy method of demonstrating a simulation of an a splosion. Students simply fill the water balloon with water and the a sploding device is made. To activate the a splode, take a pin and poke the balloon. The a splode will occur splashing water all over the place. You can best appreciate the a splosion with a high speed camera.
[edit] A splode: the command prompt
Micro$oft secretly enabled a splode as a DOS command. Opening the command prompt and entering C:\asplode would start a countdown which would, when finished, cause your hard drive to a splode. Entering D:\asplode made the CD drive a splode. And entering A:\asplode would would make the floppy drive a splode. If you have a B:\ drive, you can a splode it by entering B:\asplode. Usually this makes the 5.25" floppy drive a splode! If you enter this into a Linux shell, it a splodes all computers within a 5-mile radius that run Window$. By entering Ω:/asplode, the internets will a splode. If you loved your PC, you would have entered this DOS command.
(Note: drive letter may vary between PCs.)
[edit] ASPLODED!!!!!!!!!!
BOOM YOU ASPLODED! By reading this paragraph you have now asploded. How's it feel? Kind of anticlimactic, ain't it? Yeah, it wasn't that awesome for me either. Want some pot?
[edit] See also
